Biblical Counseling (part 9)

Hope in God’s Power Amid Trials

A loving father, we thank you for this morning, for this Lord's day, the day that reminds us of his resurrection and the power that was demonstrated to raise him from the dead. And Lord, it is in light of your almighty power that we have hope in the midst of all kinds of trials, suffering, and sin that we face.

Help us, oh father, even as we spend time in the word, both for ourselves and for those in our lives that need help, that we would live by faith and walk by faith and rejoice in the hope that faith brings.

In Christ's name we pray, amen. All right, so hopefully all of you have a handout. And once again, if you don't have a handout, you forgot it, not a problem. There are a pile of handouts near the sound area.

Just grab one. You can return it after today. So we're doing biblical counseling. We've done this for too many weeks. I should have finished like several weeks back, but hopefully your finding is useful.

We looked at those eight eyes, we call them, but we kind of broke them down into four key stages of counseling. The first one was love, which involves getting involved in people's lives and bringing hope or inspiration in their lives in the midst of what seems to be difficult and impossible.

The second one was know, knowing is to understand what the situation is, what the problem is. So we take inventory of the problem and then we try to interpret it in light of the scriptures. The third thing, which is where we are now, is speak, which is where you provide instruction from the scriptures.

And what we'll be covering today, inducement or encouragement for them to, so we speak encouragement for them to be able to make those steps by faith. And then the last one is do, which is implementation and integration, which is the place where really, which is the goal of biblical counseling, that the person would be able to work out their salvation in this particular area that they are struggling with.

So but before we get started, I wanted to kind of throw a warm up question on this somewhat chilly, rainy, snow, icy day. So I just started two classes this week, and one of those, one particular student in one of those classes said that she used to be, you know, she comes from a Christian background, so she kind of knows most of the things that, at least she claims that she knows a lot of things that Christians believe, and I'm teaching a Christian worldview class, which both believers and unbelievers attend.

And she said she went through, she didn't specify what some, some suffering trial that in her life, and she prayed out to God and didn't get a response, you know, but she desperately needed in this particular point in time.

And so she decided that, you know, it's better to just face the problems alone. And her mental peace has been better in terms of just being able to say, okay, I'm not going to look for somebody that I may or may not get help from, but I'll just focus on this.

And so I've been able to move through. And there is a question here. But just this morning, providentially, there was another article that came up. And this article was some secular neurology research that people have done in America, 1600 people in the US, where, you know, statistics, they had done some questions.

And they've tried to figure out, you know, what kind of people have less anxiety, fear, and confidence. And this is not a Christian research, and it's not, and I'm not interpreting this result one way or the other, you know, most statistics have big issues with them.

One of them was saying, okay, you know, on the one end, if you truly believe in God, you trust in him, and you rely on him, people generally have a lot of peace in the way in which they live and walk their lives.

And then on the other extreme, they said, well, you know, people who just kind of reject God and just have a plan for their lives also seem to work reasonably in peace, they face their problems their own way, they handle things.

But then they said there was a category of people in the middle who kind of look to God, and they kind of have a wonky relationship with him, you know, it's like, they don't have great confidence, and they are like, you know, looking for things, and they get anxious, and then they get even more troubled than it would seem like people who don't believe in God at all.

I mean, take that research for whatever it is. But for this particular girl, if you know, so my goal is I have eight weeks with this person, I said some things to her, and I'm hoping over the next week, eight weeks with her and other people like her, provide some kind of biblical truth that will help her grow in confidence.

So from your perspective, you don't know anything about this person, what would be the way in which you would live out that love, know, speak, do aspects as you're trying to help this person? Obviously, this is more of an evangelism, rather than a, you know, the first step of discipleship, which is, you know, you need to know the Lord.

So what would be the what goes through your mind in terms of loving, knowing, speaking and doing? I love it. I hope everybody could hear what Mark was saying. I was thinking, I'll add something. I'm like, I have nothing more to add.

That's fantastic. And the first step with all of these things is just genuine compassion and love. You know, I don't need to know a lot of the circumstances. I don't want to start off with this judgment of okay, you know, how dare you walk away from God.

I want to be there to see what the Lord would do. And then I think all the steps that you outlined were exactly what I would recommend. All right. So with that great start, let's now go to our material.

Instruction as the Foundation for Counseling

So the last week we kind of wrapped up instruction and I'm going to repeat instruction just as a reminder so that we remember what that instruction is. So if you look at page, I guess, page one in some of your handouts, step number five is instruction.

And that's, you know, obviously after the love and the no pieces have happened. So the prerequisites, you know, there are certain things that you as a believer need to have in order to give instruction.

Actually, this is why I wanted to review this. I had one other question, which is two, two questions related to one topic. Should you be friendly to everybody as much as possible in the church in your, I see a lot of nodding heads.

Makes sense. You know, not just in the church, but even outside we have scripture that tells us as much as is possible within your ability to live at peace with everybody. And part of living at peace is being friendly with the people that you encounter.

This may be the person that you don't like at all, but given the interactions you have with them, you don't want to go with saying, OK, I don't like you. What do I have to do with you? You want to go there with a desire to love and be friendly with this person.

Now, the flip question to that is, can anybody be your friend? I mean, friend is a very difficult definition. I'm not going to attempt that. But just with whatever you understand friend to be, can anybody be your friend?

That's a great point. There is something that you share with a family of Christ that you may not share with the blood family because they don't have God as their father who has adopted them. And so there is going to be some differences, but you still can have a good friend who is an unbeliever.

So you may have grown up together. You may still relate to them in a lot of ways. You think a thought and he finishes that thought. You know, there are people that you can be close with even if you are not both believers.

So where I'm going with this is with counseling. So you can counsel, you know, unbelievers with like this young lady that I was talking about. But I get diverted. So that is true about friendship with unbelievers.

But what about people that can. So let's just let me just randomly pick somebody here. You know, just look around and see, OK, Mary Ellen. Can I be Mary Ellen's friend? It'd be hard to say no. But, you know, where I'm going with this is this.

I talked about we talked about a few weeks back where I think it was you, Corey, who brought it up after Sunday school to one day. Second Corinthians one talks about how we've gone through certain circumstances in life and we have received God's grace through those circumstances.

And then we can better understand the people that are going through similar circumstances and the way in which we can apply, you know, encourage them to walk by faith and trust in God's grace through those circumstances.

Now, in those situations. You may have very similar way, you know, you understand where they are and you can probably relate to what they're going through and be able to communicate. But that's one aspect of the connection that you have.

But there's going to be people like even this week I ran into a couple of people I was thinking, OK, I could I could potentially counsel them with the situation that they have. But I think, you know, I know somebody else would be a better counselor in this particular scenario, you know, for varying reasons.

So I'm going to just put that on hold. We'll come back to that later. But part of the prerequisites is, you know, we want to be equipped with the word to be able to counsel. All right, let me let me go quickly, then we need to have the word of God, we need to have Christ as the focus.

So this is the essentials of the counseling and the next steps from D through G, we were talking about the mechanics. So there is some skill that is involved with here, you know, a plan with an outline, with finding creative ways to teach.

You know, it's not just regurgitating stuff and then hoping that they somehow work this out. They're already in a trial and need help. And then to understand where they how where they are so they can understand they can get what they need.

And then the H and I, we were talking about where the real ultimate goal, it's not really getting out of the problem, but it is becoming like Christ. There is a sanctification element that is more central than just working through the problem that you have.

And then we talked about putting off and putting on as scriptural injunctions with which we had that table that we hope to keep returning back to as we are going through the series. So that's instruction and now comes the inducement and these are both part of the speaking.

So you're motivating this person in light of what you have understood about the word and how you have used that word in speaking to them in now encouraging them to make that walk. You know, they have to do the do you can't do the do for them.

And how do you help them get there? So we saw a B and C last time a was actually John 717 was a difficult verse for us to kind of wrap our mind around here. Jesus was talking about how do you know that I am the Christ?

If you are if anyone wants to do the will of the father, he will get to know that I am the Christ. So more often than not, we try to think like the world, which is, you know, educate people and they will live a very good life.

You know, then that's kind of not really the truth. Yes, you need the knowledge without knowledge, without the word explaining to us what God requires or what is right and wrong in the situation. I wouldn't even know where to go.

But that by itself is insufficient. In John 7, Jesus is talking about anyone who would want to do the will his whose will is aligned with the will of the father. And so that's really what motivates people to want to do things.

So if I didn't know the scripture said something that I need to do in this situation, and I just read about it, you know, I might just have a so that's one part I might not know about it. And I'm just hearing about it and I'm not hearing it.

You're telling me. So you as a counselor are telling me this thing. But if I'm committed to the will of the father, then this word becomes like a sweet bread, you know, just when I'm so desperately hungry, because even if it's now telling me something I don't like at all.

So I might have been thinking I'm going to go this way, but God's word says I need to be going this way because my will is now aligned with the will of the father. Now that I receive that knowledge with joy, the kind of joy that is not, you know, just merely superficially happy because I know that this is good for my soul and I will apply myself along these lines.

So really, when you're talking about inducement, look to the motives of the heart for yourself and for the anybody else you're counseling. If my heart is not aligned with what God's will is, then I would read the scripture and it'll just kind of float past me.

I also want to point to John 14, 15, along with the alignment of the will is the love for God. If anyone loves me, he will. Keep my commandments, I will, he will obey. So there is a obedience is not just a mechanical thing, OK, I know the truth and I'm just going to do it hoping that everything works out.

It comes out of a heart that is that's loving and seeking to express that love in this specific way. So this is my father telling me this is my prescription for your malady. And I'm saying, yeah, but I thought this was the right thing.

But because I love you and I know you are good and I want to express my love, I'm going to submit to what I'm hearing. And so that's the first part of it with regards to the counselee's state. And your goal is to both understand and help them in terms of aligning their will with the will of the father and one and expressing their love, remind remembering their love and expressing that love and obedience.

And then we looked at B and C. We talked about the commitment to the Bible, commitment to Christ, commitment to using a biblical language in the way in which they speak of their problem, because every time they remind themselves of how the Bible looks at their situation, they will look at the solution from the biblical way.

Also, it's no longer I have a horrible spouse. That's mean it's instead, you know, marriage is a reflection of Christ's love for the church. And God hates divorce, whatever it is that that particular truth that they need to hear.

And that's the way through which the lens through which they're going to look at that problem. And then no excuses. So then we have this accept terminology, personal responsibility to acknowledge, choosing God's way, committing to change.

That is the motivation of the will and then exert energy, which is you are actually going to do something about it. And it's not going to be easy. Persevere. It's not just do one time. Some of these things will require a lot of time, especially if you've been stuck in a pattern for a long period of time and you will need to endure through the time that it takes until you can see a transformation in yourself and ultimately trusting in the Lord through it all.

So this is as far as we caught to get caught up. Any comments or thoughts before we move to the new material? All right. New material, it is so inducing commitment. So these verses are very familiar for all of us.

So let's just read them. Can I have a volunteer for Matthew 18 and Philippians 4? So you've got Matthew 18, Philippians 4, Kari. OK, so let's see Matthew 18. This is a very familiar passage for some of you.

Your stomach kind of clenches when you go to Matthew 18. And for others of you, you know that this is actually while it might be difficult, it is actually a very important. Fundamental means of dealing with sin.

So go ahead. Thank you. So we see those three stages of what we normally call church discipline, one on one, one with two, and then with the church. And it's normally a progression or more like an escalation if someone is unwilling to repent.

And I mentioned this early on. I think it was in the first week. The first step is where the bulk of our conversations when it deals with sin happens. There's a lot of times when I've done something wrong, someone comes to comes to me in private and tells me, hey, you know, this is I see these things.

And with the spirit of God providing conviction, I repent. And I thank this brother or sister for reminding me of where I had erred. And I thank God that he used a brother or sister to those blind spots in my life.

And that's predominantly where counseling happens. So counseling, as you remember, we talked about sin and suffering counseling in the in the case of sin where you are stuck in sin counseling, in the case of suffering where it might be something that's external that's come upon you.

But even here, sin is not absent as as how you respond to that suffering can involve sin. And in Matthew 18, we spend the bulk of our time in step one, which is, you know, we just come alongside and then say, hey, you know, did you realize this is what the Bible says about this thing or we go about and approach it.

So part of inducing commitment. So dealing with sin, you know, we talked about discipleship as a broad spectrum. We talked about counseling as one aspect of discipleship for people who are going through sin and suffering.

And then here, Matthew 18 is talking specifically about dealing with sin. And this may be something that's not in the context of the broader counseling that you're doing. It may be just something that you encounter and you want to go and approach.

In fact, one of you came and talked to me after the first week saying, you know, you noticed someone doing something that was probably not a. It's not a specific command in the Bible that they are breaking, but there are several truths in the scripture which are principles that are given to us, which this person was not paying attention to.

And so it just reminded them. And this person went and talked to them about this. And I said, that's exactly right. So your your understanding of the principles was accurate. This person was either unaware or deliberately doing something that was.

Unwise and unbiblical, and so going and talking to that person was an act of love in trying to show them what they needed to do. So so we have step one. And then God has also providentially given us means by which you deal with people who do not want to follow Christ.

So, you know, who don't want to align their will to the will of the father, who don't want to remind themselves of the great love of God that requires them to submit to God's word. And so there is a means by which it's like, OK, it's no longer just.

Pradeep who's coming and telling me about this, it's this scripture is understood this way by more than one person. In fact, the whole church would count this as the right application of the scripture in this particular situation.

So we're going to come back to Matthew 18. So if you have any thoughts, hold on to it. So let's read Philippians 4, 13. Right and easy. You know, one of the biggest challenges for most people caught in relational conflicts is or even in sin conflicts is I just can't do this.

You say God's asking me to do this. I can't. You know, it's not in me. And more often than not, I have to just admit, yes, I can't either. You know, if I was stuck in that situation, but I can do all things by Pradeep's flesh and strength and gym power.

No, it is through Christ who strengthens me. Our reliance is not on ourselves. And this is kind of going back to that hope part of it. How do you encourage them to make that step is recognizing that there is someone else who is helping them.

And there is nothing that you cannot do with the power of God that is at work in us. And so that's that's part of the inducing part. So if you think of Matthew 18 as the warning side of it, it's like, hey, you know, this is the right thing to do.

And if you don't, you know, here is some additional encouragement and warning. Here is something that points to Christ and saying, you know, there is someone who is able to do far beyond what you can do by yourself.

Let's read the next few verses and then we'll talk about both of them together. So if a if a counselee actually, you know what, let's pause. Let's just talk about a counselee who responds positively to these two things.

Maybe it's yourself. You have gone through a situation in the past where you recognize either Matthew 18 or Philippians 4 and have been able to walk through this. Or you have just some general thoughts or comments on these texts.

I think most spouses can attest to that. Yeah, I think I told you this thing a thousand times, but the spread seems to get through to you quite easily. And step one, two and three are not like this linear, very short time frames where, you know, you go from one to three and out, you know, in like two days, these things are iterative.

You work with this person and, you know, it's the spirit of God that can bring that conviction. So it's and I love the example you gave. Any other thoughts on this section? I love how you said it. In fact, that's the next step.

So step seven is to show them how that is done. In fact, yesterday I met with a older couple that had some challenges that they were facing and one of them was just like, can't do this, you know, impossible and don't ask me.

Someone asked and they said no. And then, you know, spend a few hours in the first start with like, hey, God is good. God is able. Let's just kind of dwell on that for a moment and then, you know, get that, OK, you know, I don't think I can do it, but I know God can.

Whether he can do it through me, I don't know yet, but at least I know God can. So settle your heart in the presence of God and then practically, OK, I'm not telling you to go conquer Jericho right now by yourself.

It's there is a first step that you need to do, which is, you know, here are some things that will help you and then help them to recognize, OK, this part of it with the scripture or with some practical ways of doing it, which we'll see in step seven, gets them started on that process.

So if I say, OK, Philippians 4 .13, you can do all things. All right. I'll see you on the other side. OK. Yeah. Absolutely. I love that example. Just trusting God, taking one step at a time and moving through.

That was this very similar example we heard at the conference where this lady was afraid to come. She needed a service animal. I think it was a dog to come in just because she was so afraid. And now she is.

I mean, she went through many stages, but currently her stages, she is there in a home with the children that are, you know, pretty can be violent. And, you know, it's not in a great part of town helping them learn and grow and and actually serving in the body rather than just being afraid to come to the body.

And that's the progression of faith. And all of us are in different places. And we want to remember to help people make that next step wherever they are, that they are stuck in. Anything else on this?

All right, so let's look at the flip side of it, where someone doesn't want to be moving forward. And so this is let's read Mark 10 and Second Thessalonians 3. Can I have a reader for each of these? Becky, Mark 10.

Thank you. Second Thessalonians 3 to Jesus. Was this not a good counselor? We have to remember, you know, and when we look at texts like this, you know, and actually Jesus loved this person who was a rich young guy who was whose heart was caught up in in the work, in the riches of this world.

And when he had to be called out on what he needed to do, he couldn't do it. Now, every time I see passages like this, I remember the Pharisees in the Gospels and the Pharisees in the Book of Acts. And when we, you know, sometimes I kind of say, OK, rich young ruler, you're kind of gone.

Goodbye. And that's not the way God works in time. So, you know, I've given what he needs to hear. He's unwilling to move forward. And, you know, I can pray for him, but there's not much I can do with him in order to grow him.

I can't be the Holy Spirit in his life. And let me pull that second thought. Let's see if you can read the second Thessalonians 3. And so this connects back with Matthew 18, the ending of that passage where someone would be unwilling to want to move, want to submit, repent and submit to God's word in this particular situation.

And when there are and again, we are focusing not just broad counsel, but a very specific situation where there is a repetitive sin in which this person is caught in and also unwilling to do so. Normally, you know, at BBC, you would have heard about church discipline happening in context of divorce, where one person just chooses to sinfully walk in a certain way and reject their spouse and their obligation to their spouse.

And so these three steps go over and over and over, over a lot of period of time. And in many situations like this, it's not just that one person is sinning, there's which marriage exists where both spouses don't sin against each other.

But the beauty of a godly marriage is not that there is no sin, but there is a sin which is covered in love, where God's grace is exemplified, where there is a desire to grow in holiness. So when I sin, I also repent.

I ask for forgiveness and I grow in grace. And so when someone just says, OK, I've had it and moves on, our goal is to try to remind them that there is a line you do not cross. God hates divorce. And then help them work through whatever it is that was causing the problem in the first place.

So then you help them come together. But I cannot make them obey. They need to trust God and do it, which is the next step. We're going to get to that in a moment. So as a counselor, I need to remind myself, both from Mark 10 and from 2 Thessalonians 3, my responsibility is to give them the truth.

My responsibility is to encourage them to walk in the way that God would call them to, not just because, I mean, as you know, Matthew 18, there are two goals. One is the purity of the church. You know, when Paul writes in 1st and 2nd Corinthians, he's saying, what's going on with you guys?

You know, sin is rampant and you guys are like, oh, no big deal. That's wrong. You have to deal with sin in the body because it's this is the body of Christ. It's not, you know, whatever you think you are and you need to be reflecting the holiness of God in your body.

And so that's one of the goals of church discipline. And the second part is reconciliation, that this brother or sister who is cut off by sin and their own willing choices is brought back to a fellowship, a fellowship of love.

And that's how 2nd Corinthians ends the situation that we see in 1st Corinthians, where it's like, I have great joy. My goal was not to just destroy this person, which is what you read in 2nd Thessalonians 3.

My goal is that there will be a restoration, but there is a means to that restoration. And it is not by cutting short on what God's word says about that particular problem. Let me pause here. Any thoughts or comments or questions on?

OK, so I think maybe I'll have to lean on Pastor Steve a little bit here. I'll say a couple of words and then have him add a few more things. So in this particular, yes, I like that imagery of that word.

So let me begin and then I'll open it up. So so just to be clear, Matthew 18 is in the context of the church body. Right. So here the ecclesia, here we are talking about Bethlehem Bible Church. So if there's anybody in this fellowship who I'll just use the divorce example, because that's pretty simple, straightforward and easy to understand.

So if there is one person here who is sinfully divorcing his spouse, I'll just pick a guy. The woman hasn't committed adultery. She hasn't walked away from him. And whatever else her troubles are, you know, this guy was walking away from her.

So we go through step one, two and three. And when three finishes, the state of this person in the body is like this. You know, when we talk about treating him as a as a tax collector, the idea here is you need to do your business with God before you can be restored to a full fellowship with the body.

So, you know, if you have a part providence or something here, you know, we are like, you know, this has to be dealt with. Everyone from this body who is going to talk to you is not going to talk to you about the baseball game.

They're going to be talking about your need to repent. So that's why the whole fellowship and eating doesn't quite happen, because if I'm going to this person's house, I'm going there not to just have a fun time watching Super Bowl.

I'm going to go there and talk to him about you are in danger and you are you need to repent. So that's the focus of the conversations that happened. And because there is an urgency for this person who calls himself a believer and who is part of this body.

Think of it as my finger has gangrene and this part of my body. I'm like, OK, that's fine. Gangrene. Let's just, you know, go and do something on the Ironman. I'm going to deal with that finger before I deal with everything else.

Well, gangrene. I think you need to cut it off. I don't know if there's a cure for it, but something like pretty severe that you need to work with. And so we're going to work on that. So that's the local church body.

Now, we're talking about the church universal. People, there are many churches which don't think church discipline is even in an applicable thing for today. So you're going to meet believers in other places who are going to live in a way that is unbiblical.

And I think the responsibility for that will fall on their church and their leadership as well. God will call those things to account. And then now, I think your example was more about your friendship circles and maybe your family and people like that.

And how do you deal with it? So now I'll pass that on to Pastor Steve. And I think the specific command that you had was, I think, in the context of the local church. So here in this body, we will actually instruct.

God willing, we don't have another discipline anytime in the near future or ever. But if that happens, we would say, you know, here's how you treat someone in this body who is under discipline until they are either restored or they walk away, which some do, sadly.

But I think what Corey said, something that I think is worth maybe just picking up a little bit. So when we think of Zacchaeus, right? That's probably the classic example we could use here. So here's this tax collector who comes to faith.

And then the moment he comes to faith, he opens a party for his tax collector friends. And Jesus is like, all right, right into the den, you know, and he's there to give the gospel himself to everybody there.

And the people who didn't like it were the Pharisees, like, what is Jesus doing here? And now that's obviously a little different than the situation that you're talking about where people are claiming to be believers and then living in an ungodly lifestyle.

And one of the things that's especially church to church, I mean, I don't know, does this person go to a church? Yeah, so I think it just reinforces what Pastor Steve just said, but sometimes they may be in another church, which just doesn't quite understand the emphasis on the truth as much.

And no matter where we come from, you know, whether it's our families or friend circles, they're all going to have a limit on understanding of what the truth, what the word says about these things, how that looks like lived out.

And so you're talking about discipleship on a mass scale in some ways. Your life will be a lot salt and salt and light. Life will be salt and light in the midst of those circumstances. So I don't want you to extricate yourself from them unless, you know, they now become a source of temptation to you down a path that you shouldn't go.

But on the other hand, we should be gospel focused and speak the truth and never shy away from communicating what would be pleasing to God. And whether they need the gospel or they need to grow in the knowledge of the truth, you are doing a broader discipleship in that sense, evangelism and beyond.

Does that help? Right. And, you know, there could be error in doctrine. You know, many of us have people who think they're Christians, but their beliefs themselves are flawed to begin with. And then I think here we are talking more on practice.

You know, how do you live your life in light of whatever your profession might be? And that's why I think the gospel is central in terms of let's just take. I mean, I don't know if you're comfortable saying this.

Can you give an example? Pastor Steve gave some very clear examples which would be like, OK, I can speak to these. I love that. And with that, we will close for once on time or maybe just a little bit late.