A Christian Man's Battle with Self-Worth | Kingsmen

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Welcome to the Kingsman podcast, where we are reclaiming biblical manhood by equipping and training men for the work of the kingdom.

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And we're going to pick up where we left off from last week. If you didn't hear last week, gentlemen, I would encourage you to go and listen to it, because what

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I'm about to say next is going to directly tie to that. And this really is a series that's going to build on itself.

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And so we're going to jump right into last week, talked about living in a broken world and embracing our reality of who we truly are.

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This week, I want to talk to you about what proper expectations create, which then leads into your identity.

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I didn't say this last week. I wanted to say it for this week. But at the end of last week, the conclusion, hopefully you're walking away with, is that proper expectations prevent disappointments.

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A lot of times, guys, we walk around as if like, I can't believe that happened. And I do this as well.

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Like every time my truck breaks down, I'm like, what do you expect, John? It's 10 years old. It has 165 ,000 miles.

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You think it's just going to run forever with no problems? You live in a world that's decaying, you live in a body that's breaking down.

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When you finally embrace that, when you come across problems, you just shrug your shoulders and realize this is what to expect.

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This is where we live. Guys, here's what ends up happening though. You and I, we're so prone to finding our identity in living a life with no problems.

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You ever look at someone's life and you're like, they just never seem like they have a bad day. They never have a bad hair day, their finances are in line, their body is in shape, they've married well, their kids are—I just feel like this person is like the prime example of a godly man because the man just has no problems.

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Well, if that man never admits that he's weak and frail and that he never admits that without Christ he is nothing, he's lying to you.

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He's lying to you because his identity is in the public perception of who he is. But when

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I see a man that's just like that and he comes to me and he's like, yeah, John, man, without Christ I'm nothing and I'm weak and I'm frail and if without Christ and his community and his body around me and supporting me,

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I wouldn't be the husband I needed to be today. And without receiving the ordinary means of grace, there's no way I'd be able to shepherd my kids the way

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I could. Now that's a man who understands his circumstances and is finding his identity in something other than his performance.

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It's so hard, guys, right? We find our identity in our physique, how well we're shaped, right?

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Are we working out? And I'm not downplaying that. I enjoy working out. I know I may not see this on this YouTube video, but you know, hey, everybody's in progress, right?

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I enjoy being successful at the things that I do. But when you think about it, what does

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Jesus say? Do not lay up treasures for yourself here. Don't do it. What he means by that treasure, he means something you see as valuable that you are unwilling to part with.

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Treasures are things we're not willing to part with, right? Like, I don't want to part with my wife, she's a treasure for me and my kids.

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Like those are things I don't want to part with. I don't think that's what he means, but his point is earthly bound things that don't last.

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You're going to go out of this world the way you came in with nothing. So he's saying you can store up things here and find your identity and hope here.

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Or as he says in Matthew chapter seven, seek ye first the kingdom of God and all these things will be added to you, not here, but in the life to come.

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So what we're going to be talking about is how do you identify the world? The world tells you how you should identify yourself.

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Well, we already had that problem in the first episode, right? Let's pretend like there's not a problem or we can fix the problem.

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Well, that was wrong. So we need to stop listening to the world as it comes to assessing our situation. We also need to stop listening to the world when it comes to finding out who we are in our identity.

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People's opinion out of us, hopefully one day we'll get to a point where it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter what people think, right?

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They're going to call you crazy because you believe in a God that they cannot see. It's insane.

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People hate grace. I love grace because the more weak I become, the more grace I need.

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But if you're a strong individual and you're very proud of what you've accomplished, you don't like grace. As a matter of fact, the harder

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I preach grace at my church, the guys who are very confident in themselves don't like my sermons.

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I'll just be frank. That's how it goes down. The stronger, the more well -established a man is and the harder

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I preach grace, it gets annoying for them because I'm not patting them on the back. I'm not applauding what they have done.

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What they have done means nothing. I don't care what you have done. Just because you have been married to one person, you haven't been arrested and you're a good moral guy doesn't mean

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God is happy with you or that you should be praised. You're not even coming close to doing what

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God has for you. And then on the other end of it, you guys are so beat down, and I've been here as well, because of your lack of accomplishment, you have no confidence whatsoever.

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And you are just pushed all over the place. And I feel for you guys because I know there's depression here.

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I know there's anxiety. I know they're sitting at home thinking, I don't know why I exist.

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I don't know why I live here. Nobody respects me. I don't respect myself. I can't discipline myself to figure this out.

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And so your identity is completely wrapped up in what other people think about you. And it's a danger on either side, whether it's praise or criticisms.

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Okay, well, if we're going to talk about biblical manhood, men do not find their worth from people in the world or the world.

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Men find their worth in truth. And where's truth? Truth comes from Christ, and that truth is going to set us free.

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So we're going to walk through this real quick, gentlemen, just some areas in which we're going to compare what the world does to us and help us shift and change that over to where we should find our identity in Christ.

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And then eventually, we're going to talk about how we find that in the kingdom. So first of all, the world wants us to find our identities either by our past successes or based upon our past mistakes.

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We love to hold guilt and shame over people's heads forever. You make one mistake and that is who you're identified for the rest of your life.

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And why do we do this as a world? Because it's self -righteousness. Well, at least I never did that.

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And many of you guys have done things that are shameful and it's held over you and you allow it to be held over you.

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Whereas what does Christ say? I have forgiven you as far as the East is from the West. Your sin cannot be set upon your account.

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Therefore, you cannot be held accountable. Therefore, you cannot be accused. I love how

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Hebrews says this. It says that the blood of Christ cleanses our conscience.

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The conscience is that dog that barks at you when you know you've done something wrong. And Jesus says,

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I come in and I remove any ammo that they might want to use to shoot at you. There's nothing there. Your conscience can no longer accuse you because I have removed it.

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And that's hard for us. It's hard for us to not look at our past and let that define us.

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But that's exactly how the Word of God has said your relationship with the person that matters the most, not the world, not your neighbor, not anybody else in the planet.

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The person of God, what he thinks about you matters. And he says your past mistakes do not define you.

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So your achievements don't define you. Your past mistakes don't define you. Guys, the other thing is that we can use either the power of knowledge or the lack thereof to identify us as well.

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I've met a lot of men who knew a lot about the Bible and they find their identity in that. But they're not a biblical man.

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They just have data. They are puffed up. But when I look at how they treat their wife or I look how they treat their children or their finances, they are so far from humble and kind and meek and they lack servitude.

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So it's interesting. I can pretty much identify where a guy finds his sense of worth because he's going to tell you about it really quick.

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You're going to see it and the value of it, excuse me, it's going to come out pretty quick. All right.

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So that's the first one, the pressures that form our identity. Secondly, the pressures that form, sorry, the promises that form our identity.

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So we're going to turn this positive. This is where, when we're thinking about our relationship to the King in the kingdom, guys,

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I really want you to start thinking in those terms because that's exactly how Christ said. If you read

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Matthew, about two times on every page in the book of Matthew, Jesus is describing the kingdom.

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We're talking about the King helping you identify what does the kingdom look like. I mean, literally he says, seek ye first the kingdom of God, but we don't know what that means.

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So what's so powerful about the word of God is it says, this is who you were before Christ.

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This is who you are now in Christ. It gives you a new identity and those identity is based upon promises that you cannot keep.

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They're based upon promises that Christ kept for you. And so you have to realize this is relationship that you have with your

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King. Just to say things that are blunt and kind of just right out there. If you understand the promises of God, you have no fear of death.

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You cannot die. We run around trying to preserve our bodies and preserve our life as like, that's the ultimate aim so I can live till I'm 90.

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If I live till I'm 90 and that's what the King wants, that's great. But if I die tomorrow, I'm fine with that too, because dying actually leads me to life.

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This life is but a vapor. It's temporary. It's but a tool for the advancement of the kingdom.

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So death is not something to be afraid of. Death is something that you understand is an appointment that everyone is going to face.

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And so there's an essence where sometimes we get the humanity because we don't have an afterlife reality.

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We get so wrapped up in dying that I'm like, this goes back to the lesson last week.

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You guys do realize you have an appointment to die. Some people ask me, why do you have such a bleak outlook on life?

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It's like, well, think about it. You're decaying to death. Like, it's not like we're getting better and stronger and we're progressing.

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The moment you are born, you get to a point and then you die. And it's not pretty. Have you ever seen a corpse?

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I've got a dead deer in my backyard right now. It's not, there's nothing cute about it.

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We aren't out there taking Bambi photos of this thing. Its guts are hanging out. The birds are picking it out. The eyeballs are missing.

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That's what you're going to be. And so there's a sense of where we get afraid of that. And Paul says, no,

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I'm not afraid of death. And all of scripture says we don't have to be afraid of death because Christ conquered death.

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So we don't, we need to let that be a part of our identity and realizing that the weakest part of us, which we can't control our death, becomes our strength.

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We don't let it define us. We don't let it deter us. Secondly, you can't be homeless. So this is part of understanding the difference between laying up your treasures here and laying up your treasures in eternity.

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You know, when I go on vacation, I don't necessarily, I'm worried about buying a house while I'm on vacation. As often, you know, you think about it, when you're on vacation, you're homeless.

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And that is the mentality in which we live here. I mean, Jesus says to the disciples in Matthew 7, that he says, don't worry about what you wear or what you eat or what you drink, or what you eat or what you live or what you wear, because that's all temporal needs that God will provide while you're on your mission, seeking first the kingdom of God.

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Because literally he says, seek first the kingdom of God and all these things will be added to you. And so there's a sense where you should walk around with the identity that death cannot take from me.

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Death leads me to life because once I die, I'm going to live perfectly forever. You can't threaten me with loss.

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I'll never lose what I could not earn. I didn't earn my relationship with my father. I also didn't earn that inheritance that he promises me.

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Guys, it's really hard. It's easy to see something that's in front of us, right? It's really hard to imagine that there's something better.

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And we often grasp for the immediate and we don't think about the future.

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And so part of your identity is to stop looking at the immediate and look past it and trust that God is not lying to us, that Jesus is not lying to us.

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You know, what's also a part of our identity is we're always afraid of being unknown or forgotten. And so everybody wants to leave their place in this world or leave their mark, you know, so that the rest of the world can remember them.

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You have to be really careful about pursuing that because you could be remembered for the rest of your life and it's not for something you want to be remembered for.

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And so it's a blessing and a curse at the same time. What's great is that you're not just known by a number, by your

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God. You're not just known by your name. You're identified, and this is important, you're identified as a child of God, which means he treats you as such, his affections.

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I mean, literally Jesus says in a prayer, Father, help them understand that you love them as much as you love me.

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Like the affections and the dedication and the promises to be kept are the same to Christ as they are to us.

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So this fear that we walk around as if no one knows who we are, I mean, social media can be powerful, but also it can be powerfully dangerous, right?

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How many people do you see they're just, they have, you know, 2 .5 million followers, but they have no friends, like no one actually knows who they are because we want so badly to be known.

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And yet we're ignoring the very being who knows us the most, and yet we don't acknowledge his presence.

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And then lastly, guys, there's nothing worse than we don't like to lose, men do not like to lose, right?

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If you're competitive at all, and if you've been around me, I am pretty competitive, we're afraid of losing. And at times in this

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Christian life, that's what it feels like. If you embrace your weakness, you don't try and fix that, you trust in God's grace instead.

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You look at where it feels like the world is winning, I mean, Psalm 73 says, it looks like the wicked's prospering and the righteous are failing.

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That's what it feels like in this world. I preached a sermon a couple of weeks ago, if you want to go check it out, it's called

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The Divine Warrior. And as you live this life, it does feel like you're losing. And this is why

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Paul has to say, I'm not ashamed of the gospel, because if you're a proclaimer of the gospel, it sounds like weakness.

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It sounds like you've failed. I love how the modern day world describes the gospel, a crutch, right?

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Why do people need crutches? Because they're weak. And I think it's an interesting description that we aren't leaning on it as if we need that for some psychology.

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We're saying, no, it saves our life. We're not depending on it for help, we're depending on it to live. So when we're thinking about this world, do not let the world tell you what success is.

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Your identity is so wrapped up in your bank account and your weight, what you have achieved, the woman that you marry, if you have kids, what your kids do, are your kids involved in this?

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I mean, the pressures that I have had as a dad about where my kids are going to college or what are they involved in? The world cannot tell me what is successful or what

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I am losing in, but my God can tell me. And as I am faithfully leading my children to love and trust their king, and they're laying up treasures in heaven along with my wife, and that becomes where we find our joy, that I know

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I am doing, and I can't lose. You cannot lose. Right? But if you let the world tell you what it is that you must be or what you must say, you will lose, even though you're trying not to.

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So just a couple of things I just want to affirm you guys with as we get ready to close this one down. This is what, just a couple of verses.

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This is Hebrews chapter 12. When we think about, when he says that we're running this race, right?

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We're living this life. And he says, lay aside, this is Hebrews 12 too, lay aside the weight and the sin.

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So anything that would prevent me, including things that are wrong, he says, lay them aside. He says, where are we to look?

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He says, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, right? Your identity, your hope, your strength. You realize that in the midst of all of your suffering and pain,

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Christ is the only hope that we have. The only hope that we have. And remembering from Romans chapter 8, verse 38, in the midst of your suffering, when you feel like you're at weakness, you remind yourself of what

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Paul says to you. He says, guys, there's nothing that can separate you from God's love. Yeah, but John, you don't understand, I keep committing the same sin over and over again.

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I keep doing the same thing over and over again. You know, a lot of times people identify with their struggle, right?

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I'm a porn addict or I'm an alcoholic, whatever. And so that becomes their identity.

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And guys, the greatest accomplishment, the identity that you have is like, I haven't taken a drink in so many years, or I haven't looked at porn or whatever.

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It's like, that's your identity, is that you haven't done that? Well, guess what? I haven't murdered anybody in 41 years.

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Not great. I haven't murdered anybody in 41 years, man. I'm so proud of that. I'm going to try to make it 42 next year.

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Now listen, I know some of you guys that are struggling with addiction, that's a big deal. But listen, there's more to life than overcoming your addiction.

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There is, right? And so what happens is, is that you grasp onto that because that's your identity and worth.

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And Christ says, that's not your identity. Just because you've had this in your past doesn't mean it's going to separate you from me.

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You need to look to the favor and the power of God's promises, not your capacity to overcome a particular habit in life.

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This is the last thing I want to say to you. And this is why the Bible, it's so comforting to the weak, and it's so abrasive to those who are strong.

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I love this. This is Hebrews 4, verse 16, this will be my last one. It says, come to me in a time of need and boldness and ask for what?

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Mercy and grace. And he says that I will give it to you every single time. I will give it to you.

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So part of our identity, gentlemen, is to embrace that all of our strength, that all of our purpose comes from Christ.

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Just a thought leading you for this week as we'll go into next week, continuing this conversation about how this is going to, because of our weakness and our identity, it changes the way in which we have a purpose in life.

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So next week we're going to talk about where we find our purposes as far as parenting and fatherhood. A lot of men's books and men's podcasts talk a lot about like intensity and they're motivational, which this is definitely a motivational, but I'm trying to motivate you to embrace your weakness and love

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Christ. But we really, there's something, when you ever get around somebody who's intense and they've got a lot of things accomplished, it gets me all fired up.

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It's like, I want to go out and run 10 miles now. You know, it's like, I want to go do something because it's intriguing to us to be successful.

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It's intriguing to us to feel like we're actually making progress. We like there to be progress.

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So, and this is how we do it. Intensity equals progress. Well, it's true.

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There is a sense of intensity when it comes to Christianity, but how does that intensity work when we're called to rest, like a

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Sabbath rest? What does that look like? And why is it in our mind we always, to quote a good friend of mine, shout out to Ryan, who says, we love to think as intensity as success.

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The more intense we are, the more successful we are. What's interesting is that in this particular situation, when it comes down to our identity, it's easy to find your identity and how intense you are.

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And yet God says, you're to find your identity and how I think about you and what I've done for you and who you are in me and my purpose for you than it is how intense you are.

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So I hope this is encouraging to you guys. I hope that you've been helped. Next week, we're going to pick it up and it's going to be a big topic.

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And here's the topic. How do you wake up every morning knowing exactly what you're supposed to do and it motivate you and it excite you?