Enemies Within The Walls: Failing To Reconcile (part 3)

Bethlehem Bible Church iconBethlehem Bible Church

1 view

0 comments

Enemies Within The Walls: Failing To Reconcile (part 4)

00:01
Father in heaven we come before you this morning. Just thankful for your word. Thank you for Your promises thank you for the gospel father we thank you that we have this opportunity to gather together and to Encourage let one another to love and good works and to be reminded of what your word
00:20
Says on important interpersonal issues and father. I pray that you would build up our church that you would cause us to Practice the one another's and to love one another in a in a more full fashion
00:33
Father bless each one here in Christ's name. We pray amen Well gone last week
00:41
So we'll kind of briefly Summarize what we've been talking about for lo these many months.
00:49
I Began this series that I call enemies within the walls because I see within our church within Bethlehem Bible Church Certain weaknesses certain frailties
01:02
Certain things lacking and so I wanted to address those but I as I contemplated this series
01:09
I even thought you know what? These are issues that don't just Cause disharmony here within the body, but also in our daily lives
01:19
Either at home or even at the office So we've been talking about these different issues and we come now to Conflict resolution and you know,
01:30
I was in the army for three years before I got in the sheriff's department One of the things
01:35
I loved about being in the army. I was a military policeman one of the great things about being an
01:41
MP is you know you show up at a Domestic disturbance call as an
01:48
MP and the good news was you never had to go back ever We never went back, you know, why?
01:59
always so, you know whether it was an arrest or not, we were always taking somebody out of The out of the house and taking them into the barracks.
02:09
It was perfect You know in in real life We would respond to those things and you know fairly often
02:18
We would have to go back but not in the military. I love that 100 % Solutions those are good
02:26
But the last time we were together we were talking about resolving offenses coming to Coming to to settle our differences
02:38
And you know, let me just put it this way Said this before but when you put two kids two young kids and thankfully we have a few young kids around these days
02:50
But if you put a I don't know Let's just make up some numbers a three -and -a -half and a two -year -old two -and -a -half -year -old.
02:57
I don't know Let's just say it's January and Devaney and he put him in there and you just put a couple toys in between them
03:02
Then what happens they both want to play with the same toys and they fight and they struggle and you have to convince them to share
03:09
We have a proclivity a natural proclivity towards selflessness hurt
03:17
Towards selfishness we want what we want and we want it when we want it and when we don't get it we we get upset and it's only by the grace of God through the indwelling
03:29
Holy Spirit that we gradually learn to Prefer one another to consider the other more important than ourselves and to actually be able to resolve these things
03:39
Let me ask you this question Why is it that? two people can be in an argument and Then a third person comes along and can resolve it in like seconds.
03:51
Why is that because they're not personally involved, right?
03:57
Which means they are? objective and So what do they do?
04:05
They listen to both sides and they make an objective. They're dispassionate about it.
04:10
They're removed from the situation They have no emotion. There's no win or lose. There's just what makes sense
04:17
What's going to solve this problem? And you know, it's interesting a lot of times
04:23
I mean as you can imagine oh, yeah now I remember the title I used to give myself as a policeman. I Describe myself as a social engineer you like that.
04:33
Thank you. Thank you very much People would ask me an airplane. What do you do for a living and I'd say I'm a social engineer and they go
04:39
What's that? I I help people get along It's true, right
04:44
I Go and people are having their their problems and I just it's my job to kind of come up with solutions
04:52
And so as a third party, it's a little bit easier because I'm not emotionally involved I don't really care about anything except for getting the problem solved.
05:02
But now we've been talking about this biblically and Biblically how we want to respond it.
05:07
Well last time we we asked a few questions like this one, you know Does someone offending you is it necessarily sin when someone offends you and the answer is?
05:20
No, it may or may not be But I think our tendency is to frequently act like Well, you've offended me.
05:30
Therefore. It must be sinful. Maybe not How could it not be a sin if someone offends me? Well, they didn't intend to okay
05:42
Do you have to intend something to be a sin? Well, I think if we're talking about communication probably
05:47
I think What why else would it not be a sin if someone offends you? Okay, so I'm gonna combine these two somebody said because it's true, right and The idea that somebody might be confronting you over a sin issue and bringing it to you and you might be offended initially
06:14
So what if I may say so and I may Ultimately it's so what because it's true.
06:22
It's right. It's something that you need to hear You may not like it. It may offend you but over time
06:29
The Holy Spirit Lord willing will be working on you We mentioned last time and I think this is so important If we just if we could encapsulate
06:45
Jesus teaching this way in terms of how we ought to treat one another. What do you say? You know do unto others as you would have them doing to you.
06:53
I don't know what the ESV says But but that's the picture the gold the so -called golden rule
07:00
And if we thought about how we would want to be confronted by somebody even if it's with regard to sin
07:07
Then we probably would treat people a little bit better a little little differently, you know, we wouldn't say, you know
07:14
First of all, we wouldn't go to anybody else, right? if I sin Is it right for you to go and tell ten people about it before you you know get their advice
07:27
You ever know somebody to do that cloak it under the means of we're gonna get some advice I need some counsel
07:33
Steve's in sin, and I don't know how to talk to him about it. Oh Well do tell give me more info.
07:42
Don't do that. Think about how you would want to be Talked to or confronted
07:49
Then we talked about choosing the right time and place Assuming the best about the other person, you know a lot of times we could see something and Presume the worst and be wrong.
08:02
So we have to be careful about that We want to build other people up we talked about that having the right motivation we want to edify and This is an important one.
08:14
And I think it's Something that we lack we think that we have effectively communicated because we told somebody something
08:23
What is communication? Yes It's two ways and so how do we confirm that the message
08:36
I well, let's put it this way. Have you ever come home and or you know been at home your spouse comes home, you know, have you ever told your spouse something and Then found out later.
08:48
They completely misunderstood what you said Has that ever happened to you? Why is that it's because you might have told them something but you didn't
09:03
Communicate it What's the difference? They heard you
09:12
Or maybe they heard part of what you said, but they didn't They didn't respond and so therefore
09:18
They never affirmed for you that they understood what you meant It's it's critical if you're going to go confront
09:25
Someone or if you're going to go talk to them about an issue that you have with them whether or not it's a confrontation
09:31
Maybe they just hurt your feelings and you really don't think it's a sin issue But it's something that just just needs to be resolved between the two of you, you know
09:40
And I think this is pretty common because here's what happens Somebody may even sin against you
09:47
But you don't want to chalk it up as a sin because then you know You're what you're under the obligation of Matthew 18. You have to confront them.
09:53
You have to go to them You have to you know, go through all the things. So instead you just say well, they didn't really sin against me.
09:58
They Hurt my feelings, I don't really think it was a sin.
10:05
Well, may I just say if you're bugged about something if your feelings are hurt about something if there's a
10:12
Separation between you and your brother or sister in Christ because of something that they said or did
10:19
Then you need to talk to them. We have this idea that somehow we can Live together and yet live separately.
10:28
We can live in community with one another We can be brothers and sisters in Christ and yet Have our feelings hurt be bugged, you know be disturbed by something that somebody else did
10:39
It ought not to be that way. We ought to look at each other and just go. I love that person unreservedly without Qualification and you know, that's a hard thing to do, but we need to do that Yes Sometimes I mean there, you know, every one of us should have a little
10:57
Janet Cooley inside of us saying buck up, you know so Yes, that's that's true.
11:05
But on the other hand, you know here here's another way of looking at it It's true. It'd be better if I could overlook things or whatever, but here's how
11:14
I mean ultimately Here's how we should be able to look at it. Is this person offends me? Can I shrug it off?
11:20
Yes But is it what's best for them? In other words forget about me.
11:27
I mean, I really wish we could do this Forget about me. What about them?
11:33
What do other how do they interact with other people? How often do they do that same thing to other people and maybe they're not even aware
11:40
You know that they're running around. They they know they're not throwing hand grenades. Maybe they're just throwing firecrackers everywhere they go, you know, but upsetting people and they they're not even aware and it is it a
11:54
Is it a good thing to sort of if we can to sort of say, you know what? This isn't that big of a deal to me and it doesn't hurt me
12:02
I don't think it really impacts our relationship, but I can see where if you said this to other people Could cause problems for you
12:11
You know or other people might not think of You as they ought to So maybe this is something you should think about and I think that's a good thing to do
12:22
So does that answer it? I think sometimes the answer is yeah get get tougher But sometimes it's if I could put it this way be more tender
12:31
Be more sensitive You know and and again, I think the number one issue is too often.
12:37
We we don't want to put ourselves out For our brothers and sisters in Christ because it's hard It's hard to talk to somebody else about their sin or even
12:49
Just just the general way they they behave and how they kind of rub people the wrong way
12:56
That's hard Charlie that really is a great point because I mentioned communication and I mentioned only from the standpoint of the person who initiated the
13:07
Communication who came with the message? What about the person who receives it? you know in order for there to be effective communication that sense of What you just said where something, you know, let's just put it this way.
13:21
It's a seed that's planted and And You know, there are one or two ways it can go one is
13:27
I just kind of shrug it out You know, I basically pick the seed up out of the dirt and throw it away Which would be you know get tougher.
13:34
The other one is You know, it hits me and I just go, you know, ouch or whatever but over the next hour
13:42
Two hours days, whatever. I just kind of nurture that and the next thing you know What was a small slight has become, you know as important all these different meanings
13:51
To where I've got I don't just have a seating where I have a full -blown tree and you know Maybe an orchard and you know, it's it's just a major offense
14:01
So yeah, I think communication is sometimes we need this We need to be able to say when someone says something we go how that hurts
14:08
We need to be able to explain or ask, you know, do you really mean to say? that you know
14:16
Whatever is this I hear you saying and this is we don't talk like this So, you know, please forgive my formality here
14:26
But I hear you saying, you know that you think I'm ugly and you don't like my tie
14:32
You know am I correct in that because we are we should go to the parking lot. No But I you know,
14:40
I'm just I don't have a really great example Sometimes we hear things we go that sort of hurts or that bothers me or that doesn't sit right with me but we don't communicate there and right there is probably the best time to do it because the more we rehearse it the more we focus on it the more hurt we get the harder it is then to go back to that person and say
15:01
You know, I heard you say that you'd like to throw me into the trash Is that what you really meant and they didn't say that at all, you know
15:11
Totally theoretical but it goes back to our communication for last night probably no Yeah, it it can really it can happen and sometimes, you know
15:23
It is our mood or something somebody else said or whatever and so we really need to be on guard against that So I think that's a really good a good point
15:34
Other questions or Okay, then we'll move on here
15:42
And as I've said before we're working through some stuff I picked up from Ken Sandy's peacemakers website
15:50
And he says if an initial conversation does not resolve a conflict do not give up I Hear that a lot too, you know,
15:59
I went Steve I went and talked to so -and -so about this issue and and we didn't get anywhere. Okay.
16:05
So now what are you gonna do? Nothing because You know, he's not gonna change his mind. I Cannot stress this enough, you know as a church we are really an extended family and we need to be willing to Pursue these issues until we're we're on the same page
16:31
Can you imagine saying to your wife? Well, you know what or your husband? Well, you know what it just seems like We're not gonna be able to resolve this so let's just drop it.
16:42
Well, the answer is yes You can see doing that because you've probably said that before The question is whether it gets dropped or not
16:50
Because these unresolved things. I don't know for some reason unresolved issues have a habit of Coming back
16:58
Because in the next argument about something else that's not probably related then, you know
17:06
We have all these additional weapons to bring in it's kind of like, you know nuclear escalation You have your one megaton bomb and I bring in my you know, ten megaton bomb.
17:17
The next thing, you know, it's you know, a Conflagration there's a new mushroom cloud over the house
17:25
We need to resolve these things well, let me ask you this what happens if you're in the habit of resolving conflicts quickly and Calmly what it what happens?
17:40
What do you think your life is like? It's easier
17:47
Why because you're not always doing what Charlie was talking about ruminating over things or importing meanings that aren't there or you know?
17:53
Try it and you're not bogged down with all these Conflicts and Concerns but when you keep what
18:05
Scripture would refer to as you know short accounts When we when we're able to do that life is simpler
18:22
Okay, if an initial conversation does not resolve a conflict here's something else they suggest and I think
18:28
What I said earlier now listen to this carefully It may be wise to ask a spiritually mature friend for advice on how to approach the other person more effectively
18:38
This is after you go to them and Notice what it also doesn't say is you might ask a spiritually mature that does not say a spiritually mature friend for advice on the problem on Their sin it says how to approach them more effectively in other words.
18:56
What am I doing wrong in my communication? How can I communicate better with them and they also suggest more prayer, which is good
19:06
You know ask the person that you I just need prayer. I need to be able to work through this Now let's let's look at Romans 12 verses 16 18 and when somebody has it what they read it
19:24
Please Romans 12 verses 16 to 18 Doesn't that sound nice live peaceably with all now is that always possible?
19:37
It can be really difficult especially if we're talking about Unbelievers, but you know what
19:42
I say, and I said this last weekend. I was in Seattle visited my son did some other things, but You know people say to me from time to time
19:51
They say that must have been quite a dramatic change from being a police officer to a pastor
19:58
What do you think I say in response? Why why would I say not really?
20:08
Conflicts don't go away. That's correct What's the main what do you think the main difference is and I'll say this sometimes
20:16
I Don't take no, that's not the main difference No, because I've done it on many occasions
20:24
It's called pulpit crimes. Oh, no sorry No, the I think that Here's what
20:30
I say, and this is rather glib so just bear with me. I say well. It's similar in a lot of ways
20:36
I just have a different rulebook Because I'm no longer working with the penal code and the you know the let's see business and professions code the health and safety code the
20:49
We have a lot of codes in California. We did have a lot of codes in California. We have one book And why do you think that that's so key when we're talking about resolving conflict?
21:04
It's not my standard. It's God's standard, and you know is everything black and white in Scripture No But when we read something like live peaceably with all people well you know
21:16
I think maybe the King James or other verse or other versions say you know, especially those of The household of God or maybe
21:25
I'm pulling that out of somewhere else But it doesn't matter that if you can't get along with people in the church
21:31
There's something wrong You know it's one thing if you have an unbelieving neighbor Who you know is constantly shooting bottle rockets over your backyard or something like that and making your dogs
21:42
Yap, or whatever they're doing I mean, that's one thing if you and and you need to call the police and all that other stuff
21:47
And you go gee can I call the police yes, you can call the police Don't call me before you call the police on that one
21:55
But when it comes to people within the body we ought to be able to resolve things because we believe in the same
22:01
Savior We have a similar goal in mind And we have a similar rule book or we have the same rule book we ought to be able to do that But back to Sandy they say you know if repeated careful attempts at a private discussion in other words going to the other person are
22:17
Not fruitful and the matter is still too serious to overlook. There's no way you can bury it it's it's important for that other person and It's important for your relationship with that other person
22:30
Then you need to ask they suggest and I think this is good One or two other people to meet with you and your opponent notice how they phrase that That's the person that you're in conflict with why to help you resolve your differences through mediation arbitration or accountability and I and I think this is good not one of the reasons is because it brings a certain it heightens the
22:56
The responsibility the importance of the matter and you know if somebody if you if I say to somebody
23:05
You know what it seems to me obvious that we need to resolve this because you and I can't function as Brother and brother or brother and sister or it wouldn't be me saying sister and sister, but in Christ But we need to resolve this we're not getting into a resolution
23:19
I don't think this is a church discipline issue, but we we need to come together somehow
23:25
I think I would love if somebody said you know pastor Could you meet with me and so -and -so because we would really we're having trouble seeing eye -to -eye
23:35
And it's like I said earlier if you have if you bring in a disinterested third party and actually
23:42
Disinterested really isn't a good word because if you're meeting with me, I'm interested why? Because I care about both of you, and I know what the scripture says and I want you to be able to work things out
23:51
I want you to be able to get together to a right relationship as brothers and sisters in Christ And so I am interested, but I'm disinterested in that I don't really care
24:03
Who's right I Just want what's right. I want things to be done in a good biblical
24:11
God honoring way I want us to think about okay Christ died for my sins and in light of that how should
24:18
I live how should I treat my brother and sister in Christ in? Light of all I've been forgiven What should
24:24
I be willing to forgive? How can I best serve this brother or sister in Christ? So moving on they say go and be reconciled and One of the most unique features of biblical peacemaking is the pursuit of genuine forgiveness and reconciliation
24:45
Even though Christians have experienced the greatest forgiveness in the world we often fail to show that forgiveness to others
24:52
To cover up our disobedience we use the shallow statements Listen quote
24:57
I forgive her. I just don't want to have anything to do with her again now reminds me
25:04
I have a daughter. I won't name her Megan Her initials are Megan she used to say this we go
25:10
What did you think of that food, and it's almost like legendary in our family should say I didn't really mind it
25:16
I just don't ever want to have it again That's not a ringing endorsement, and you know it's the same kind of thing well.
25:25
I forgive that person I just don't want to ever talk to them again That's not forgiveness and again going back to when we started this series imagine if God said that Imagine if God said you know what
25:42
I forgive Steve. I just don't ever want to see him again What that would be stunning Karen?
25:50
Well it could be and you know what two goats There's only one thing to do is put them up on a hillside and just allow them to You know she said she asked
26:01
You know isn't it possible that within the body of Christ. We have some sheeps sheeps sheep and some goats
26:11
Some wheat and some tares I Don't know.
26:18
I don't want to carry it any further You know isn't it possible that there are unbelievers in other words in the midst of us And is it possible that one of the reasons we can't resolve our conflict is because you know we have a believer and unbeliever yes
26:31
But here's here's what I would I'm not just gonna suggest I'm going to urge
26:39
That here's it here's because here's an easy thing to do right I get into a Disagreement with Karen and Karen just goes well.
26:46
You know what I'm just gonna let it go because Steve's a goat It you know what
26:52
I'm saying it would be easy to just go well. You know what it probably an unbeliever just And I would say it's still important to go through this process why because Lord willing the goats the terror is either going to reveal themselves as Not a believer or for the first time in their lives.
27:18
They're gonna go I'm not a believer because we're going through a scripture.
27:25
I see what the scripture says and I don't care So I think it's a good.
27:31
It's a good thing to do anyway You know are you always gonna come to a resolution?
27:37
No, but I I think you really need to make every effort to do that so good question
27:44
But I would urge going through the process anyway, you know why do we do church discipline? It's not
27:49
I mean obviously the under The underlying reason is because we want the the person that we're doing church discipline upon to repent
27:58
But the other reason that we're doing is we make every effort to go after them Why so that at the very end if they won't repent then we know what?
28:06
that they need to be put outside the church and treated like an unbeliever because They're acting like an unbeliever whether they are or aren't and I'd say the same is true, you know with regard to these conflicts if somebody you know, let's say
28:22
You know, it's it's hard for me to just you know, make up a name. So let's just say Zechariah is a member of our church.
28:29
I Wanted to go to the Z's right away and You know this person
28:34
Zechariah is just like in conflict with a bunch of different people at the church And you know over time
28:40
We're constantly having him in for you know, these reconciliation conferences and we'd have to go, you know, there's something about this guy
28:48
He just didn't get along with believers. Why is that? Well, maybe over time he'd show us that he is in fact not a believer now
29:00
I'm going to I've recently thought just really dwelt on these these are so good
29:07
One way to imitate God's forgiveness is to make now again I'm not one for formula, but just listen to these the four promises of forgiveness when you forgive someone
29:18
The first one I will not dwell on this incident I'm not gonna think about it.
29:24
I'm not gonna focus on it I'm not gonna lay awake at night and just think about all the ways that you've hurt me that you've done wrong to me
29:31
This is when we say I forgive you I forgive you These are the four things you need to say
29:36
I will not dwell on this incident I will not bring this incident up again and use it against you. That's brutal
29:45
Especially, you know, and I and I'm I'm gonna sound like a sexist when I say this, please forgive me I think this is hard for women
29:53
Because Well, and now now we can kind of even things up because guys are stupid what do
30:01
I mean by that? I mean like, you know, if you're a WPI, obviously, you're not stupid and you can remember formulas and everything else
30:07
But if you're a guy your tendency is to forget details Not so much with ladies
30:15
They really do remember, you know, if you want to know why guys forget anniversaries and stuff like that.
30:21
It's Just because we're guys and and it takes an effort to do that sort of thing
30:28
Women tend to remember the details. I mean, I You know the end this is a generalization some guys really focus on details
30:36
But not typically So that's the second one.
30:42
I will not bring up this incident again and use it against you That is just that's when you know, you've really forgiven.
30:48
Somebody is when you just say I I'm done with that Third one. I will not talk to others about this incident you can't tell me that you have forgiven me and then go off and talk to Charlie and Tom and Janet and Vadim and other people, you know
31:09
Well, you know, I've forgiven pastor Steve, but let me tell you what he did Well, that doesn't really sound like forgiveness
31:21
And the fourth one I will not let this incident stand between us or hinder our personal relationship and that gets back to that other one
31:29
You know, I forgive him, but I don't ever want to talk to him again I forgive him, but I don't want to have fellowship with him.
31:34
I forgive him, but I'm not gonna sit on the same pew I'm not gonna hold the hymnal. I'm not gonna
31:39
I'm not gonna I'm like forgive forgive forgets repair repair restore
31:51
And I say remember that forgiveness is a spiritual process that you cannot fully accomplish on your own
31:57
You know, I think this is one of those Processes in life where we just go, you know,
32:04
Lord, I believe Help my unbelief. I want to forgive. I don't know if I can do this
32:13
Good Because you need to think I know it's the right thing to do and by the grace of God I'm going to do it.
32:19
It's going to be hard and that's okay. We need God to assist us to help us
32:29
Let's look at Matthew 5 This is something
32:37
I inserted into Sandy's otherwise fine efforts because I I think this is something else that we neglect
32:45
Matthew 5 verses 23 and 24 if somebody would read that please What what's the principle here?
32:59
What's that? Unresolved sin. Okay. So what should we make every effort to resolve?
33:07
Okay, Gary Resolve matters quickly. Yep. I agree The hypocrisy of seeking forgiveness without giving it to others
33:24
So we're going to You know make an offering we're gonna in other words This is talking about worshiping before the
33:30
Lord and you know, just considering I mean imagine this you come here on a Sunday morning And you're just so thankful to be forgiven for all your sins and you know, how great the
33:39
Lord has been to you But you don't have to forgive somebody else or you know, you know that they have something against you and the implication would be
33:53
Rightly, so you don't need to seek forgiveness from someone else. How can you worship
34:02
God? knowing that either you've offended somebody else and you've not resolved it or You've not granted forgiveness to somebody else.
34:11
How can you go and worship him? It is hypocrisy Don't even give
34:19
He says don't don't even give go back and resolve it. I mean, there are a lot of reasons people give for missing church
34:28
I think it's perfectly legitimate if you're sick, your spouse is sick. Your child is sick. Somebody needs to take care of them
34:34
I've not heard this one. I would love to hear this one, you know pastor I was gonna come but it suddenly hit me that I needed to resolve
34:44
Some sin in my own life. I needed to go confront somebody else on their sin I needed to seek forgiveness and I knew
34:51
I couldn't worship with my whole heart Unless I did that first I Have never in Almost ten years.
35:02
I've never heard that That would be a blessing to me So next week
35:08
I expect no But but it's an amazing thing, right
35:17
I mean as we're taking communion this morning for those who haven't who are just getting here
35:23
You know just think as you're taking the elements just go I'm so thankful that God has forgiven me and that I don't have to forgive others
35:32
That so -and -so in my life, you know has something against me. We would never want to do that But this is the kind of thing that we should be doing
35:40
We should be thinking about other issues in life Not just our own personal sins
35:45
But since we may have committed against someone else or that may have been committed against us and how those need to be resolved quickly, it's
35:54
Gary said and they should be done rightly and Before we worship, let me put it another way when you get baptized
36:06
And my anniversary just came up the other day here I was thinking back to the LA earthquake the big one and that was the night after or the morning after I got baptized we come up out of the waters and it's not because your
36:19
Sins have just been washed away by the water But it's because you have a just kind of a renewed sense of your own
36:25
Salvation and just the delight and the kind of spiritual Cleanness you have
36:32
Why don't get that same kind of sense every time we celebrate the Lord's table? In fact every time we think about our salvation, but we don't and oftentimes it's because we have these lingering issues that we haven't resolved
36:45
They need to be resolved now listen to What what commentator says about this passage?
36:53
He says This envisages this portrays a worshiper who's traveled some 80 miles
36:59
To Jerusalem with his offering in other words, you didn't just roll out of bed and go to church in the morning
37:05
You know like we can do here 80 miles you'd have to travel by Foot or whatever.
37:12
So it took a while to get there obviously to bring your offering probably a sacrificial animal Who then leaves the animal in the temple while he makes a journey of a week or more to Galilee in other words go back to where you were in order to affect a reconciliation with his offended brother or sister before he dares to present his offering and The improbability of the scenario emphasis
37:35
Emphasizes Jesus's points and the importance of right relationships demands decisive action
37:43
It's important. It's something that we should Put at the top of our list How can we worship a thrice
37:50
Holy God who's forgiven us all our sins? When there are issues that we won't let go of or that we won't seek forgiveness on how can we do that?
37:59
And the answer is we shouldn't do it other thoughts about this, okay now other considerations
38:12
Now this first one. I want you not to think about me when I read it be prepared for unreasonable people
38:20
What's you know, sometimes you're gonna go to somebody and it might be like Karen said, you know This person might be a goat might not be a
38:27
Christian at all. Sometimes people are unreasonable and that's okay Maybe maybe they've just got
38:35
You know their walls up or whatever. Maybe it's gonna take time for them Have you ever presented something to someone who was really close to you?
38:43
And they didn't respond the way you thought they would Has that ever happened?
38:48
I think it probably has Sometimes what's the right thing to do? She says raise your voice and no.
38:59
No, what did you say? walk away from it for a while and Let them think about it, you know so often though, you know if you if you go back to Most arguments typically they go this way, you know,
39:15
I present a situation to you in which of course I'm right You're offended you respond to me in an offensive way
39:25
I respond to you in a more offensive way and we just kind of you know We exchange mortar fire and most often what should happen is
39:35
I presented to you in a loving constructive biblical way Maybe you don't like that.
39:42
Maybe you're unreasonable in the beginning Well, sometimes the Holy Spirit just has to work on you Sometimes the
39:47
Word of God just has to work on you and that should be okay for me It may not be a you know,
39:54
I may not show up as Nathan to your David and just say You know what you are the man, you know and kind of his old
40:04
Crooked finger thing. It may not be like that Sandy goes on to say whenever you are responding to conflict
40:14
You need to realize that other people may harden their hearts and refuse to be reconciled to you We'll do this real quickly.
40:23
There are two ways you can prepare for this possibility first Remember that God does not measure success in terms of results, but in terms of faithful obedience
40:32
What this is what we always say about evangelism, right? It doesn't matter if the person believes or not Do we want them to believe yes in that sense it matters and it matters for their eternal soul
40:41
But what matters is I preach the gospel to them God is pleased with that and in the same way
40:47
It doesn't matter whether that person responds reasonably and rightly and repents automatically or whether They don't what matters is that I went to them in a loving biblical way
40:59
With an issue that needed to be confronted and I was obedient to the Lord in that Sandy goes on to say he knows that you cannot force other people act in a certain way
41:12
Therefore he will not hold you responsible for their actions or if the ultimate outcome of a conflict
41:20
God just says God just expects you to obey What happens when you
41:27
Do the right thing in the right way with the right motivation Do you just leave going
41:34
Lord, I'm ultimately defeated No You're happy because you know, even though it was hard you did the right thing and the second point he brings up Resolve that you will not give up on finding a biblical solution
41:50
If a dispute is not easily resolved you may be tempted to say well, I did what I could
41:55
I Tried all the biblical principles I know and they just didn't work Bible doesn't work
42:02
It looks like I'll have to handle it another way Sandy says a
42:08
Christian should never close the Bible when you try to resolve a conflict But do not see the results you desire.
42:13
You should seek God even more earnestly through prayer The study of his word and the counsel of the church and you do and as you do so It is essential to keep your focus on Christ and all that he has done for you it is also helpful
42:30
To follow these principles for overcoming evil, which we'll talk about and then next week.
42:36
Let's we'll just close in prayer We'll leave it there Father in heaven, I just pray that you would make us the people who are more concerned about Pleasing you than pleasing other people that we would be more concerned about doing what's right in your sight then
42:55
We are concerned about our image Father I pray that you would give us a humility to obey you and a humility to Approach others in a
43:10
Christ honoring Christ centered way Keeping in mind always What our
43:15
Lord has done for us? Father, would you be honored and glorified even in the midst of difficulties that we all experience we pray in Christ's name.