Biblical Counseling (part 10)

A loving Father, we thank you Lord for this Lord's Day. We pray that as we continue looking at biblical counseling, that you would be our counselor, and counsel each of us in our own times of need. Help us to have that same heart that you have toward us, that we would be willing to counsel others who are in need.

We ask this so that as a body we would love one another, and that we would glorify you, and be a light in the midst of the people among whom we live. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen. All right. So, actually, before I begin, I had a little, I'm going to try to attempt at humor.

I'm terrible at it, but at least I got one laugh out of it, so that's good. My job is accomplished. So, this is the intro to warm us up on this cold morning. So, how many of you cry and cry easily? All right.

Bold. Okay, I saw that. I'm not going to comment on it. For some of us, especially as biblical counselors, when we come through and meet people who are in deep pain and suffering and sorrow, your heart kind of goes out to them.

1 John 3 talks about the manner in which our bowels should move. We have a deep-seated concern and love for those who are hurting, that we would come alongside them. Like Job's friend, for the first week, just came and sat with him in his despair and anguish.

And so there is a sense in which crying is fine. You go to a house of mourning, you go to a funeral, and you see people grieving the loss of their loved ones, and people cry. Now, how many of you, okay, here you don't have to raise your hands, cry at watching a movie?

I'm not ashamed to tell you, well, I should be, but last night we were watching something, and I was the only one who cried. All the ladies in my house were like, oh, wow, cool. And I go, oh. Now, I'm going somewhere with this.

I was thinking whether I should share this or not, but I said, you know what, it's not a bad thing to share. On Friday night, so two nights back, I was actually in bed and crying. And I didn't intend to cry, I just intended to go to sleep, and certain thoughts started flooding in my mind, and then after a point, I started praying, and then I started crying.

And this kind of crying, I haven't done in decades, and that's what kind of caught me by surprise. And it was a good cry. It was a cry where you pour your heart before the Lord, and the Lord just brings you comfort, and so the next morning when you wake up, it's like a new day, a new beginning.

You're just thankful for the Lord's grace in your life. But I've been puzzling over the weekend about that. Why did I cry? I've cried a long time back for this type of situation, but I've not cried recently.

And I was thinking, it must be this biblical counseling class. Before I started biblical counseling here, my life was going really well. I was like, Lord, there doesn't seem to be any trials in my life.

Everything is going nice and easy. Actually, have you forgotten? Everything is going well. And then you remember there was a time when I was pretty depressed, and I was teaching biblical counseling. How do you deal with depressed people?

Let me tell you how. One of the things is when you bring a trial or a need before the saints, and especially you see this with BBC announcers, people are going through times of trial, they're asking for prayer, and it's so nice, on the other hand, to say, you know, we pray to the Lord, and the Lord was so good to us, and we are doing well now.

Here's how the Lord has helped us, whether it is in a specific situation, or just the way God had come through for them, or they were able to hold on to the Lord through it. And so that particular thing, when my heart was very heavy and weighed down, I'm not that anymore.

And when someone is depressed, you want to come alongside and help them and equip them to trust in the Lord and walk through it. And then when they go through it the first time, the second time they're tempted.

So right now I can be tempted, but you know how to hold that at bay and not let it penetrate your soul and take over your life and know how to trust the Lord through that particular circumstance. But back to the situation here.

So last week there were some things that happened at work that were not very pleasant, but not really catastrophic either. But as I was thinking through it over the night, I came to realize that this is actually, you know, I probably should classify it as a trial.

It's not just something that just kind of comes and goes, and I need some wisdom from the Lord in walking through this. And as I was crying, I was thinking, you know, there is a danger here when you cry.

And the cry can turn very easily into self-pity. You know, when trial comes my way, when your heart is broken, it can very easily turn inward and say, oh, you know, woe is me, and how could this happen to me?

And then start looking in the wrong direction for help in the midst of our trials. So the Psalms especially are full of cries out to the Lord. So when you are in affliction, you want to cry out to the Lord.

There is a way in which we are to entreat him, wait upon him, and anticipate his hand in the midst of our trouble. And there are tears that flow, and tears that are spoken of in the Psalms as you come before the Lord, because the Lord promises to help us through those times.

And so, you know, when you look at counseling people, you're going to meet people, and you might be anywhere in this range of emotions as you respond to your trial. On the one hand, you could be pretty stoic.

So, you know, in this particular trial, I've gone through this many times before, and I never thought I'd need to emotionally be invested in it, because I know what the Bible says about this situation.

I faced the situation with the knowledge of the word of God, and I had done everything so far in light of what I have learned before through the decades, and so I expected to kind of sail through. But what I didn't realize was my mind was transformed in terms of God is sovereign, be a salt and light in the midst of this trial, do not worry about tomorrow sufficient for each day, his troubles thereof, and he cares for the lily...

He cares for the sparrow, and would he not care for you? So all of these truths are in my mind, so there's a great confidence and joy as I go through the trial. But then in the middle of the night, when you're sitting back, and your heart is trying to kind of catch up with what your mind knows, and it's like, well, you know, there are times when I know what is true, but it needs to kind of get internalized a bit in this particular situation.

So you have people who can be pretty stoic, not cry, not unlike me, and then other people who can be on the other end, which the danger I was so afraid of, which is turning into self-pity, and then looking at a problem, and then becoming so inward that I lose sight of the grand plan God has for me in the midst of this trial that he has brought for whatever his purposes, which I can't see through.

So when you're ministering to people, you have to remember that people are going to be in different places. You want to get them to the point of hope, confidence, and trust in the Lord as they walk through it, but they could be anywhere here, and you want to come alongside where they are and help them move down this path of trusting in the Lord and receiving help.

Thank you for saying that, because I think culturally, the world in which we live in, people are pretty closed. You don't talk to people about personal problems unless they are comfortable sharing it.

But we have to remember what Pastor Steve just said. We are a family. We are the body of Christ. This local body is meant to be just like your homes at home, where you see someone hurting, you want to come alongside and find out how you can help, and feel free to share with others those trials that you need help with so we can love upon one another, serve one another, and glorify God together.

All right. We are kind of coming to the end of our material here, so that was just a little thing to get us thinking about where people are and how we want to approach them. Right on the top of your page, we have this Love, Know, Speak, and Do.

You begin with getting involved with what Pastor Steve just said. Bring hope in these people's lives. Know, which is to get an inventory or understand what is the situation that is going on. Interpret that in light of the scriptures so that you are looking through biblical lens, with biblical language, what the problem is.

Then we talked about speaking, and that's a big part of counseling, which is you provide instruction. You also encourage or induce them to take those steps that they may not quite see yet, and then help them to see why they need to move down this path.

That's love, know, and speak. Today, we'll do the implementation and integration. I mentioned before, implementation is the key. You can do all the six steps before, but if you don't do anything about it, there's no gain.

You don't benefit from what biblical counseling is meant to accomplish. Let's look at, depending on where your page is, it's number seven, implementation. We're going to keep this page as our center. I'll finish this in the next section, and then we'll do a couple of examples of how that implementation and this whole process looks like when we apply it.

Implementation, the definition is, promote biblical change by helping the counselee be a doer of the word, practicing biblical directives in daily lives until new patterns become established. Whether it is in a situation of temptation, or even in a situation of trial that can produce temptations, how do we now look for biblical directives and put them into practice?

We have three sections here, and these are broad, so we'll try to find various ways in which to apply it. The first one is, where does the progress get made? That's bullet A. B, how do you prepare with a plan to implement this?

And then C, concrete growth assignments. The section C is where we're going to try to work through how that varies in different contexts and so forth, but A and B are pretty central to all of what we do.

Let's begin with A. If I can get a volunteer to read Philippians 2, 12 and 13. While Vicky is picking it up, the progress is not made with the counselor or in counseling. So often you'd like to think, okay, someone comes to me, I tell them something, they just do it right away, and the problem is solved.

I feel so accomplished. I've done something really good, but really that's not where the greatest progress is made. There is progress made in counseling as the counselor helps the counselee, but where does the greatest progress happen?

Thank you. Sometimes those words you've memorized will take over what you're reading. So a couple of things to mention for context and then what this verse is emphasizing, which we want to look for ourselves as we are doing these things for counseling ourselves and as we are helping others.

Firstly, the church at Philippi, Paul is not there. He's writing a letter. He's encouraging them, but he's not there to see that administered. He's like, as you've always obeyed, when Paul was with them before, but much more now in my absence.

It's not because of Paul that the believers in Philippi are to do what is being said, but rather because of the section before it talks about Christ and what Christ has done. Like him, we need to submit to the Father and be willing to do what God calls us to do.

We'll see that in a moment. We talked about some of the dangers earlier where you can tend to become the Holy Spirit and it's for you that someone does something and that ought not to be the case. You want to obey the word because you want to submit to God.

Then if you go back to the beginning of Philippians 2, it's talking about how you are to relate with one another. You can just use that as an example. He moves from that into humility. You're not looking to exalt yourself.

You're looking for the well-being of the other person. Then he explains about how Jesus Christ, who is God himself, chooses to become a man because of the will of the Father. That's how he demonstrates humility for us and then how God exalts him, the name above every name.

This is all the theology that goes before you come to the exhortation that Paul has for the Philippians. Here in this particular text, I think it's one of those texts that's central in my mind when I think of I need to grow in this particular point.

No, I need to submit to God in this particular area but either I don't have the motivation or the desire to apply myself with diligence. I just want to do a little bit of band-aid and see if it fixes the problem.

This would be a good text to remember. Where do I progress in my walk with the Lord, in my sanctification? Philippians 2 talks about working out your salvation with fear and trembling. You do that. The willing, the desire to do it, and the doing, the work itself that gets implemented in your life is something that God orchestrates in your life and then you make that happen as you submit to him.

Our church doesn't have this as a problem but some people think, you look at work out your salvation, am I a salvation by works? Absolutely not. Verse 13 should make that abundantly clear that God who chose us out of darkness, out of his own free will, he brings us and gives us a new heart so we can have the desires of God after him.

But in the times when I'm tempted, in the times when my trial has become exceedingly difficult for me to see clearly, the Bible says that God is the one who now gives me that desire, that new heart that I have, his spirit now motivates me to want to do those things and now you may be that, as a counselor, you may be the one who is the agent in bringing God's word to rekindle this heart to recognize God's desires that are given to you.

And then in terms of your ability to perform it, so whether it is a very strong temptation or it is a trial that has just floored you that you can't get out of that floor, no matter where that is, God is the one who is going to empower you to walk through this so you can trust in God's power as you then take that first step by faith knowing that God is the one who is going to lead you through this.

You don't know what the final outcome is, but you know you can trust God, this is the right path because sometimes it's all darkness, but once you understand through the word what needs to happen, you by the spirit are able to move forward because it is the power of God that is both giving you the desire and making you move.

So in a more practical counseling session, you meet with somebody, you talk to them, give them the word, we talked about instruction and inducement, and then that person as they go home, you pray for them, keep praying for them, and ultimately the greatest progress happens when this person's heart, and Chris you were studying this morning, turning the crank, your engine sometimes goes it's single digits, negative digits, it doesn't want to crank, but it is the spirit of God that has to give you that spark to say I want to live a holy life if it is dealing with temptation and sin or I have hope in the midst of all of this despair and that opening of your eyes and saying I do not need to let the hands hang weak and the knees that shake but I can have wings like eagles through this time and then the spirit of God works through this person.

Now, it's not like magical that you just start soaring away then we have this process through which we walk and grow, crawl and then run and integration, the next section we are going to see is what happens when all of that comes to a full circle and then what do you do next?

But anyway, section A I think is crucial we understand it for ourselves and then we can help the other person in terms of their walk in that particular circumstance they might have. Let me stop, I've been talking a lot too fast any thoughts or comments on this section?

Absolutely. We talked earlier if this area I have been drowning and held then I know in a specific way what to do but even if I don't know otherwise I come alongside with the knowledge of the word that God has given me and the grace that he gives.

So let's look at section B which is a pretty straightforward thing but I think those verses there give us a little bit of insight in terms of preparation but before we look at the verses you have those two cards that are listed B1 is the prayer card, B2 is the hope card we'll take a look at it more closely but it is how do you equip the believer to pray through this problem and then how do you have confidence and hope when you are in despair we'll look at the card in a moment but let's look at the verses first but let's take them one at a time instead of all of them together so Proverbs 22 .3, can I get a volunteer for it?

Okay, thank you. And Christy, if you can keep the other verses we'll come to this after we talk about each one if you can do Proverbs 24 .16. Are you sure? Oh, I'm sorry, I meant Psalms. You know that was so funny when I turned my Bible.

Psalms are so big that normally what comes up too. Thank you. And then we'll get a volunteer for 2 Timothy 2 .22. Okay, the husband here. So let's start with Proverbs 22 .3. Alright, so the prudent sees danger.

Oh no, foresees, right? Okay, yeah, so I don't know which translation I was using it was talking about foresees but I think they both convey the meaning pretty well which is think in terms of temptations in this particular verse that you have what do temptations look like?

They look pretty attractive when they come your way otherwise they won't be tempting you if it's not pretty attractive you just walk right on by you see a temptation and that temptation has allured you, caught you, and you're stuck in it.

That's the context of dealing with counseling in the midst of sin and when someone is looking for help to get out of it now the prudent sees the danger that lies ahead past that temptation. So what you see here is for someone who is stuck in the midst of a temptation they are caught in the glitter of what appears close by but they don't see further down where this leads to, the danger that lies beyond.

And so the prudent is one who doesn't just get stuck on the immediate but he looks to the future and because of the future he is able to walk right past this toward the goal that God has. You can think of Hebrews 12, 1 and 2 where Jesus, because of the glory that was set before him endured the cross and that's in the positive sense, not in the sense of rejecting sin, but he went through something because he could see beyond whereas the fool walks right through this.

So many of us are foolish in the way we deal with temptation. I think that verse is very helpful when we think of temptations in particular and so what you want to do in the context of helping the counselee with a plan for temptation is to say we need to raise our eyes up and look to the goal.

And you need to find help from the word where you can keep your eyes fixed on that the next time the wave of temptation comes over you so that you can keep your eyes on Jesus keep your eyes on the scriptures so that you can turn the pattern of however you have been dealing with this particular sin and then return it back to how God would want to have you walk through it.

So that's one aspect of it. Any thoughts on this? Because each of these verses are slightly different so we'll talk about them. So the next one is Proverbs 24 -16 seven times is just a language for many times a righteous man can come down many times hard but he will not be laid low he will be lifted up.

So here I think while it is certainly applicable in the context of temptation I found this really helpful in its context for trials. So I'm sure all of us have gone through these phases in our lives. There was a time I remember when money was very short and you just didn't want any more thing to break.

And for sure the thing that you didn't want to break, breaks. And just when you're trying to fix it the guy who needs to fix it gives you such a hard time that your already short patience is out of patience.

And then the next thing goes and the next thing goes and you're like okay I give up. I just don't want to get out of bed because it's like boop boop boop. And other times like I said before I did counseling everything seemed to be going fine.

Now the point here is when trials come our way whether it is through the affliction of a wicked person circumstances that you don't have control over things that are heart breaking that you really don't have the hope to get back up.

God promises something to those who are his that they will rise up. And so in the midst of some of those times you just felt like is this going to be my life for the rest of my life until I go to heaven and you get to see that no those times when you fell down God was very much with you and strengthen you and helping you even though you may not have realized how you are growing.

And then in the future times when you fell you recognize that God has actually done that in the past and he will do that again. Yes this too shall pass and the God of the universe is with you in the midst of the trial.

So now for the person who is sorely tempted with my life is kind of falling apart. I have nothing here to be able to even get up and walk through. This verse is one of those reminders that yeah you may fall seven times you may keep falling many times but you will rise.

You are not like the fool the one who is wicked and lost. So let's also look at 2 Timothy 2 .22. And so this one should remind you of what we saw last time putting off and putting on flee something and pursue.

Just think of those two verbs there for a moment as we think of what a plan for counseling looks like. So the youthful lust can deal with sexual temptation. They can talk about a lot of other things power, looking for money whatever it is that you are fixated upon especially when we think of temptation there is a command and we saw this already in the instruction but now implementing.

How do you do that. That's part of what the counseling needs a plan for to move forward with. And then the other half is pursue righteousness, faith, love. So here are things that they need to now put on put off and put on actively.

So the way in which you want to equip someone who is kind of lost is encourage them to use these two cards, prayer card and hope card. So if you can just turn back in your handout it's a couple of pages down and you should be able to see something that looks like this.

So this is just an example for anger, sinful anger a prayer card, what it looks like and this is under section C we'll talk a little bit more about it. But one of the ways in which especially if someone is less mature in the faith they don't really know God's word as much and they need to both understand it and apply it.

What you want to do is right on the top there, pray God's word back to him. So you have a bunch of scripture verses there when you write those things down when you're tempted and you need help you come back to these verses and then you remember what God has promised in these verses as you walk through.

So we're not going to look at specific verses here this is just an example. So in this particular case with sinful anger am I angry about something because I want it too much. If that is the situation that this counseling needs help with write a verse down that would be helpful to remember you would have already had this conversation but for implementation then you make a note down so you can come back to it.

If the anger is because of trying to be a judge over other people then there are verses that remind me that's not my role, it's somebody else's role. So the next time I'm tempted to get upset over something I need to remember there's a God in heaven who's watching so when I look at that verse it reminds me to step back from that position which leads me to anger and then you have God being gracious to me.

So Ephesians 4, we saw this in the last two weeks about how this passage is kind of important with the put on aspects God is in control, this was the verse that was super helpful to me two days back and for someone who's mature you may already know these verses but you have to dwell on those verses until your heart reaches your head like I said and then God won't give me more than I can handle.

So here are a few verses that are helpful to put there because especially if it is a situation of sustained temptation if it's a pattern that I've gotten into I need to keep reminding myself of this every time this comes and every little victory that I have in rejecting this temptation saying no to sin is an affirmation of what God has promised and how God is growing me and changing me and making me more like Christ that working out of that salvation is happening in small stages and every little victory is an occasion for joy as you look up to God and thank God for what God has done.

But this card is a helpful thing to just keep by your side and remember when you want to fall back to your old ways. So that's the prayer card and if you look at the hope card so this one is a part of that praying back to God.

So here the verse is written out on one side and on the other side you can see this person having written the promise in God's word as a prayer. So while Paul wrote to the 1st Corinthians about temptation and what God will do in 1st Corinthians 10 .13 and actually the second one is from 1st John 5 .14 .15 we're going to see that in a moment and talking about how you use God's word to trust in God pray to God and ask God for help in the midst of your temptation.

So here are two ways in which to do this actually let me stop here before we go further have some of you used this in your lives? I know most of us write scriptures down or memorize scripture for this purpose.

I love the verses and the examples you gave something is running through my mind but I'll pause to see if somebody else has anything and I'll share a little more. So when you were talking about Psalm 23, 24, 25 so this Friday night part of my thing is actually when you talk about God's sovereignty I'm teaching a class on biblical ethics the last couple of weeks now.

So we were in the Sermon on the Mount the last few days and so it's like, okay, you know theory, all of this looks good. I know what God's kingdom looks like how we as citizens need to trust God and leave him to be the ruler rather than me ruling my little fiefdom and all of that.

And then here comes a good situation Friday, you go to work and then you have to deal with something that you don't want to deal with but when your mind is already covered by God's word you know how to respond in a way that keeps these truths in mind.

But then Friday night comes along and you're like, oh man you go out into the world with your shield of faith so that the arrows that come don't pierce through and tear your soul apart. You go there with hope and confidence in the sovereignty of God and recognizing that you are an ambassador of Christ.

So you're not there living life for yourself. You're living life to represent Christ in the situation that you are in. So you speak those words that would bring honor and glory to God rather than be fearful.

We talk about being afraid of COVID or being afraid of whatever it is that things come and when we live our lives we want to exemplify the confidence we have in Christ. And that includes when things that you have are maybe not rightfully taken away and that's the point of the Sermon on the Mount you're blessed a whole lot more than you ever will be when you lose things for the name of Christ or when you leave judgment to God's hands and then show that you have a God in heaven under whom you live and you're not afraid to speak of Him.

And so then when you come back home and then you're like, Lord, thank you because that could have gone terribly bad. I could have retaliated, I could have done things that would have been sinful and then I would have had to repent and go apologize to the people that I needed to speak with.

But when you come back home and then you're like, okay, Lord, I know Romans 8 .28. I don't quite know what Monday is going to look like when I go back in so I need wisdom. I feel like this could have gone a little differently.

You know the end from the beginning, you orchestrated all these things but help and for me Psalm 23 was one of those things I'm going to say something that's going to be very embarrassing. Don't do this, but this is what I did.

So I was thinking of the Lord as my shepherd and sometimes the sheep I think it was very cold that night, I forget what it was if it is raining really hard and the sheep is really wet and stinky and it's shivering the shepherd is with that sheep at that point in time and no matter how horrible and terrible I feel and hot tears run down your eyes it's like, you know, the shepherd is here and that should suffice.

One other trick I use is I listen to Christian music because that helps me soothe my soul as I remember that these truths are necessary for me as my spirit needs to rest in this great God. Sometimes the truth that I have these skilled artists have done it in such a way that it just gets in and gets my heart to be where my mind already is.

So I didn't plan to speak all that but I think what you just said is true. So sometimes you may want to give many sections of scripture where a person needs to kind of get their mind washed. And other times it is just one part of one scripture that you just need to hold on to.

Last year when I was dealing with issues of the mind I remember there was just one simple verse that I just needed to hold on to until I was out of that. And then you can go back and read the Bible twice in a year.

Alright, so that's the hope card and prayer card and I think that's helpful in terms of whether you're memorizing it, reading it, keeping it while you're going through this time of trial or this time of temptation.

So with that, two things we're now looking at the growth assignments. So here's the part where as a counselor for myself when I'm counseling myself or to another person what are things I want to put in place so I can work out my salvation with fear and trembling.

So here are six things I'm just going to quickly read them and then we'll look at a couple of verses here, we don't need to look at all of them. Regular Bible reading we already touched on this, church attendance and application of the message that you hear on Sunday.

Small group accountability in terms of relationship with other people and not getting isolated some collateral reading, so this would be other books that might be helpful if you're dealing with a specific type of sin or a trial.

And then the prayer card and the hope card. So these are the six things. And then what I'd like to do is once we finish this and the next section, pick a couple of examples from the scriptures that follow after this for specific trials, specific temptations and then come and walk through this to see what it looks like.

So from the method standpoint, regular Bible reading we talked about how God's word is a light unto our path. So in times of trial, in times of temptation we need to bring that practice back so very often if I'm not in the word of God I'm probably going to deal with more temptations than I should.

And if I'm stuck in a temptation, I need to be intentional about how I spend time in God's words. I need to hear from God before I can actually respond by faith. If my mind is not filled with what God says, I'm going to do what Pradeep thinks up and I'm normally going to think like the world if the situation is in a worldly scenario and the second part is praying God's back to him so we saw this already but understanding and appropriating by faith those truths that God has revealed to himself in this particular time.

So it could be nice to say Jesus says, someone slaps you on the one cheek show him the other cheek also. I don't think many of you will get slapped on one of the cheeks this week but there's going to be situations where people are going to insult you in a number of different ways.

People are going to abuse you in ways that are unpleasant ways in which they want to take advantage of you. They want your coat one of those two things that they want and you give the other one also. And so here are the contexts in which these things are going to come.

And then you'll read those verses and say why does God Jesus tell me all this. It begins with the beatitudes, blessed are the poor in spirit and then it ends all the way blessed are you if you do them and that's all part of implementation.

So here is kingdom life while I read if someone slaps you on one cheek show him the other also and now it's like this person wants me to give up something that I really like a lot. Hey, do it cheerfully and give him a bonus with it help the other person who's going to get this get it with a joy rather than destroying it before you give it to the person that's asking for it.