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Are you on the right channel?
Yeah.
Why do you do that to me after I already hit live, Vicki?
Well, hold on a second.
I'm second guessing.
Oh, I put my phone in between.
How do I do my teeth?
Why don't you show everybody in the camera and see if they can see anything.
It's like I just got done eating.
Are we on the right page?
Yeah, it must have been Hebrews 10, 25 that I was thinking.
Because I was just reading it.
I was like stopped at verse 13.
I was like, well, um, so I don't know about that.
This is going to be so much fun.
All right.
I can't see how many people.
Oh, wait.
I kind of made like a little album.
Yeah, it was.
It was 23 through 25 that I was thinking.
Okay.
Chapter 10.
Where I got five, I don't know.
Hebrews 10.
Now I forgot the verse.
She came over Saturday for us to like go over this and kind of like outline what we wanted to talk about.
And then she wrote it down for me.
It's like she wrote these three verses.
She's like, oh, these would be good.
These would be good.
And then I'm looking at them.
I'm getting an average of them.
She's like, you need to sleep at night.
And they don't exist.
No, she's like, this is the one you need to read first.
It's chapter 10.
I just, I only got you halfway there.
What's that say?
I can't read it from here.
Actually, I will be your questionnaire person.
We usually don't do questionnaires.
There's really not much change.
Let me do our welcome.
Good evening, everyone.
Tara says hi.
Hello, Tara.
Good evening, everyone, and welcome to our Bible study.
I'm Vicki.
Everyone remembers Mercedes.
Soon her hair will be a different color.
It's natural right now.
It's not going to stay that way very long.
A tiny bit of green left.
This makes hair good.
It should have to be something bright.
Yellow.
Tonight we are at the lovely Allen's house, and this is Anna Allen, our guest,
along with Miss Ashley Shipley.
I'm just here for emotional support.
She's here in case anybody decides to cry.
Yes.
Oh, I don't want to make people cry.
But I want to thank you for having us tonight for the Bible study.
Actually, I've had about five or six
women step up now, and I actually have all the way to the
third week of July scheduled for studies.
But thank you.
Thank you for allowing us.
They're a little apartment.
It's not a little apartment.
It's actually a very nice -sized apartment.
I found a spare room.
Ashley, you're going to have to share the spare room.
Sweat Vicki.
I can cuddle with her.
Their house is so cute.
I tell Mercedes, I said, it must be really nice
to not have to pick up after a whole bunch of people all the time.
But then we did come in, and I'll have to say that I was very impressed.
Mrs. Allen's husband was in the kitchen.
He loves cooking, and I'm very grateful for that.
He cleans.
He looks good.
He makes good -looking sandwiches.
I found that recipe on Pinterest.
I find the recipes.
He makes them.
So that's kind of how we merge in the kitchen.
I like to bake, but he's the better cook.
But he does laundry.
He'll do the kitchen.
He'll do dishes.
He's a very lucky man.
I trained him.
Well, you've had him for, like, what, 10 years?
10 years tomorrow.
We've been together 10 years tomorrow.
Wow.
They started dating when they were, like, 15 and 16?
15 and 16.
So tomorrow's 10 years together.
Well, congratulations.
Thank you.
See, I've had time to train him.
In the formative years.
Happy anniversary.
That's just fabulous.
They're cute.
Well, he had some Shipley training, too, didn't he?
He was there for, like, how many years?
Three or four years?
Off and on, I think it was three years total.
That's what I was thinking.
So we're adopted into the Shipley family.
It happens.
Their family's quite large.
We were there last Thursday night.
We had Bible study with Pastor Jeff.
And the house was very quiet during Bible study.
And then we had dinner.
Then we had dinner.
And it was like, wow, where did everybody come from?
I mean, there was just people.
Lots of people.
They were being respectful, quite a little nice.
Were they actually in the house when we were doing Bible study?
What?
They're adults now.
They can control themselves.
Well, again, training them when they were young.
You know, we got beaten with a shoe.
And then we had to run around in a cinder box.
I'll have to say that the training sometimes
is shown.
I know one little Shipley was a little hard.
He just gets so eager and excited about stuff.
He can't sit down or keep his mouth shut.
I bet nobody knows who I'm talking about.
See?
Nope.
Well, anyways, I want to thank you all again for getting with us tonight and doing this study.
Anna, what verse have you chosen for us to study tonight?
Galatians 6, 1, and 2.
Mercedes, will you read the scripture of Galatians 6, 1, and 2, please?
Brothers, if someone is caught in any wrongdoing, you who are spiritual should restore such a person
with a gentle spirit, watching out for yourselves so you also won't be tempted.
Carry one another's burdens.
In this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.
So why did you pick this verse?
So whenever you first ask me, you know, come up with a verse or like something that you
really enjoy or that's on your heart.
And I'm like accountability has always been something, especially within these
last several years, something that's been very important in my Christian walk and also in Ashley and
I's friendship.
We met seven years ago, six, seven years ago.
Somewhere about that time.
And we ended up being in an accountability group.
I came to Witten for the first time.
Donovan started going there, but I didn't want to be the girlfriend who, you know, just came to church like
with him and like followed around.
The drunkard's girlfriend.
Yeah, I just didn't want to be that girl.
And then so Donovan ended up leaving his Bible in the college room when we were in college.
And so I was like, oh, well, you know, I'll go grab it.
And Rachel Shipley at the time and Ashley were in there.
Rachel Matusik.
Yeah, well, Rachel Matusik at the time ended up sitting in there.
And I came in and they were like, oh, hey.
And I'm like, oh, sorry, I'm just, you know, didn't mean to interrupt.
I'm just in here, you know, getting this Bible.
And then they both look at each other and was like, do you want to be in an accountability group?
And I'm like, okay.
Unbeknownst to Anna, she had walked in on us sitting there.
We're like, what young women are in our church that we would want to, because we were talking about starting it.
And we were in the middle of naming, we were naming every single person who was in our age group that was a single
female that we could think of.
And Anna wasn't even on that list because she was only coming every once in a while and she wasn't really that committed.
And she just happened to walk in as we were wrapping up the list.
And we just looked at each other and we're like, what do you think of Anna?
And they're like, hey, join.
And so ever since then, for about six or seven years, I've been in an accountability group almost that entire
time.
And I will tell you that being held accountable, especially in your Christian walk, is very important
because it really keeps you from doing a lot of stupid crap.
And there have been times where I didn't do something specifically because I knew that I would have to tell my group about it.
I'm like, I don't want to do that.
I'm not going to get in trouble by my group.
I don't want to do that.
But the reason I picked that verse is because accountability has been an important
aspect of my life.
And not only in my life, but in my Christian walk as well.
Because when you read it, it says, Brothers, if someone is caught in any wrongdoing, you who are spiritual should
restore such a person with a gentle spirit, watching out for yourselves so that you also might not be tempted.
And so it says with a gentle spirit.
Sometimes we need to be gentle with each other.
But other times, it's like, okay, if you're coming in here every single week for the past
year with the same problem, I'm not going to be so gentle anymore.
It's like, do you want accountability for that anymore?
Or do you just, you know, like, what do you want?
But I do think it's important to do it with a gentle spirit because nobody's perfect.
And not everybody needs to be addressed in the way of like a gentle way.
Some people need to be addressed with a hammer or, you know, slap the back of the head or something, you
know what I mean?
Or a flip -flop.
Or a flip -flop like a Latino mom.
Because this is not going to work like you did that.
She threw it.
But see, it might have worked for you.
You threw a flip -flop at her?
I threw it back.
That is a ministerial abuse, ma 'am.
It was on a mission trip.
She threw it back because she threw it back.
It was on a mission trip, and I was her mom until Tara got there.
So you're saying it's maternal abuse.
That's fine.
Is that any better?
It's discipline.
Discipline.
You're welcome.
Yeah, I'm the one that gets the hammer dropped on me a lot.
Sometimes you just got to have it.
Agreed.
And, you know, you talk about how you started in accountability.
I, myself, started in accountability many years ago, too,
and I went into a group that
wasn't expecting me, and it ended up being the best thing.
Especially when you have a group of, like, with us just speaking with women, when you have a group of
women that you can go to of all different ages and still have something in common,
like, to me, that's amazing because it's like, on paper, Ashley and I should not be best friends.
We should not be best friends.
Exactly.
We really shouldn't.
So, like, we're completely like, Ashley loves she's what I call my nerd, and, like, she's okay
with that because we've been friends for so long, but her and Donovan will talk about nerd stuff all the time, all the time, and
I'm just like I check out.
I'm like, okay, like, y 'all can be nerdy over there somewhere.
But it's like, on paper, Ashley and I should not be friends because we are so opposite with our interests, but the
one interest that is most important is that we're believers, and it's hard going through this world
without having that companionship with other believers, and it's just
like I told Donovan, I said, when we were in quarantine and we couldn't go to church, I said, that's
where all of our friends are.
We don't have any friends anywhere else besides, like, our families and stuff.
It's like we don't have any friends outside of church, and so I was –.
I honestly, like, I'm a pretty happy person.
I could feel myself, like, sinking into, like, a slight depression, and when I got
to hug like, I finally hugged Ashley.
Michelle Romo, like, stuck her hand out.
She's like, friends, friends, friends.
And I was like, are you hugging people?
And she's like, yes.
I was like, oh, my gosh.
And, like, we embraced each other, and then Rachel Shipley and I hugged, and I was like that just made me so
happy, and to know that I don't have to go through this world without having friends like that who
actually genuinely care, not even just about, like, me as a person, but my spirit and
my spiritual walk as well.
And that's the thing about accountability that is so important is that they kind of keep you in
line with what you need to do.
Kind of playing off, like, the verse that we were trying to figure out what I was trying to –.
Oh, yeah.
In Hebrews 10, it's – Hebrews 10, and it's verse 25 and 26.
It says to make sure that, you know, you don't forsake, you know, gathering together even
as you see the day drawing near.
And in our accountability group, you know, just to say again how our accountability group is really weird, and none of us should really be friends.
Our group also has Sarah Workman in it.
So, you know, Anna and I, on paper, we shouldn't be friends, and then you throw Sarah Workman in there, and it just really looks like a
three -ring circus at that point.
We talked about going somewhere for a meeting one time, and I was like, I've had people just, like, gawk.
Like, what are those weird people?
Like, just all of us.
You should see when me and Vicki go out somewhere.
Yeah, people are like, oh, my God.
Like, we would get a Starbucks and meet just to talk about women's ministry stuff.
You get the gray -haired lady with the green -haired lady.
With the piercings and the tattoos.
With piercings, and here I am.
I just came from work, and, you know.
But, you know, who cares?
Right.
That was one of the things Sarah, she pointed out.
She pointed out, like, this was a couple meetings ago.
She had said something when we finally got back together, and it made me think of this first one Anna and I were studying.
She was like, you know, I got, for the first time, in a big way during
this whole coronavirus thing, she's like, you know, this entire world, people are becoming more and more polarized and more
and more self -centered and more and more about the individual.
And she said, the church is the last vestige of true community and family that this world
has.
And it was kind of, you know, when we read Galatians 10, it was kind of like Hebrews 10.
Thank you, I was reading your notes here.
When we were reading it.
Get out of my notebook.
When we were reading, when I read that in Hebrews 10, it was like, you know, this is important.
This is important, and it's even more important the more and more, the closer and closer the day draws
near.
And I was like, whoa.
Because we will only have each other.
And it just kind of put it in this, there was a whole reason why God pushed, guys, whenever you gather together, you need
to not forsake it.
You need to, you know, make this gathering together important and holding each other accountable important because it's
going to be really important when the day comes.
And it's coming, and it's, that was one of the things that Sarah was pointing out.
She's like, I got this sense of how important it was when we were all sequestered and
we were kept separated and that yearning that you felt for it.
And she's like, the rest of the world, they don't get to have that type of relationship with other like -minded.
Well, it's not even like -minded people.
You're people that are all sorts of different types of people.
And there's still that yearning to be together that the world right now doesn't have.
It's completely polarizing.
It's completely friend turning against friend and brother against brother right now just because of silly, well, in
some cases not silly, political differences and other things.
I never realized how much I actually needed people until that happened.
I know.
I'm like a little antisocial like butterfly because I love
people and I like doing things, but there are just sometimes when I don't want to talk to anybody.
I just want to be by myself.
But like I said, not like, and I was just not to say anything bad about the people I work with, but they're not like
you guys.
They're not my church family.
They're not my close friends.
And so I was only coming in contact with them and then sometimes our families.
And I just felt so just like empty and just sad.
I'm like, I just want to go do something with my friends.
So that's one of those things that kind of tells me
accountability and being together, especially in the small types of groups.
It's important for your own correction, but also for edification, growth,
and family and things like that.
It's not just for correction.
It's for a lot more than just that.
So when people are trying to think, well, do I really want to go into accountability group and get beaten up over the head?
God didn't intend accountability, which accountability groups are just our way.
They're not biblical.
They're our way of interpreting it and implementing what God set forth with
accountability.
But it's not just for correction.
So you're missing out on a lot when you don't go to accountability group, not just for the correction, but also the
camaraderie, the sense of community, the growth that you'll experience, and the good things as well.
Because that's one of the things that Ann and I, growing together, we've celebrated with each other in
the good times, and we've corrected each other when we've been doing wrong.
And so it's both sides of the coin.
It's not just you're going to get beaten over the head by people with flip flops.
Well, in verse 2, it says, Carry one another's burdens, and this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.
And so there have been some, and without sharing anything confidential, there have been some really dark times.
I think I've been in four groups out of the whole time that I've been doing accountability groups, and there have been
some hard stuff that people deal with.
But you're there to carry that for them.
Okay, look, you might not see the end of this.
You might not see why God has you in this situation.
And like I said, without sharing anything confidential, we actually had a praise these last couple of weeks of something
that's been happening to a person for over three years.
I started crying last week, guys.
Yeah, it's finally coming into fruition.
Do you remember when you first came into this group about two, three years ago and where you were at that point?
And now you're in this completely different spot, and you see what God has done and how you've grown in that.
I remember three years ago, she was like, Why is God doing this to me?
I'm finally being obedient, and he's punishing me for it.
And then literally she said a complete 180 last week, and I was just like, everything that we've been praying for, she
literally just like right that moment, I was just like, it was one of those really great things to watch.
Kind of watching the growth of a Christian, you know, your fellow sister is just as good as watching a baby
Christian being born.
It's one of those really awesome things.
So when they're in the pits, you're there for them.
When they're in their highs, you're there for them.
You're there for your friends.
And like I said at the beginning, accountability has changed my
life.
But like we were talking Saturday, you get out what you put in.
So if you're not going to be open and honest, like you don't have to be like 100 honest about
like what you did, like every single thing of the day, like how I met your mother when Lily and Marshall talked about what they did.
Like you don't have to be like that.
It's like, no, just hit like the main points.
But it's like, okay, so do you have a problem?
It's like, okay, Michelle Romo ended up saying this in our small group at the women's retreat,
and it stuck with me.
She's like, you know, you can choose to be, you know, honest, or you can choose to be like 100 % honest.
Like, okay, well, someone ended up cutting me off today on the road, and I got
mad.
Okay, that's being honest.
Being 100 % honest is I, you know, my bakery, I started cursing.
I flipped over, you know, like I did whatever.
It's like you can choose to be however honest, but you're only going to get out exactly what you put in.
And so if you're not being, you know, 100 transparent, and it does take time to build that
relationship to be able to be vulnerable, especially with a group of women that you're not
necessarily like familiar with.
It is hard.
Well, and, you know, there might be somebody who's going through something that you've gone through.
And so you're able to kind of step up and walk beside them and help them through it because
you've been there, done that.
Well, I think that's why with our group, specifically at our church, I like that we
have different age groups, like intertwined with that, because you, like the young
newlywed is getting advice from a woman who has been married like 30 years, and then you have this other person
who's like, you know, I've dealt exactly with what you're dealing with.
Let me go ahead and, you know, kind of tell you what worked for me.
Yeah, that's what's nice about our group is you do have that wider
range.
I'm the old woman.
You're the old woman.
The old woman is Jen's name.
Sweet.
Well, if you look at the verse before this, though, gentleness is the fruit of the spirit,
You also have to keep in mind that we must not become conceited, provoking
one another in being one another.
That's another thing that you don't have to worry about when you're dealing with your sisters in Christ, or you
shouldn't be dealing with when you come to dealing with your sisters in Christ, or even your
brothers in Christ, because, you know, sometimes they can get their little feelings hurt, too, and
want to throw a shoe at them also.
Sometimes it might even be your husband.
Why are you looking at me?
I'm just giving you advice.
Those two are married.
I'm giving you advice, actually, for a future reference.
Oh, okay.
You're welcome, Pastor.
Future advice, and it's okay, but make sure it's not a high -heel shoe.
I don't know.
You don't want to damage.
You just want to get what I'm talking about.
Anyways, and then it flows into the wrongdoing.
But you know what?
Go ahead.
No, you're on something.
Well, verse 3, for if anyone considers himself to be something when he is nothing, he deceives himself.
So the last verse.
What did you say again?
I didn't get it.
Verse 3.
For if anyone considers himself to be something when he is nothing, he deceives himself.
It ties back into 25.
But, you know, it's all part of being honest.
Even when being honest is hard to do because you know that it's
not exactly what the person wants to hear.
I love you, but.
And Ashley always goes, well.
Like when she says, well, she gets like a whole octave higher.
That's when you know she's about to lay down the hammer.
She's just like, well.
I'm trying to be gentle, but I'm just like, I'm about to hit you with a hammer, but I'm going to try and put a towel over it.
Well, you know, and I'll be honest with y 'all. I've had, there's one woman in our church that
I can honestly say has, through everything that I've been through with my marriage,
with kids.
She's understood it.
She has walked right along beside me through some pretty difficult times.
And that is Rebecca Dillon.
She has been with me on several nights.
We've gone on car rides.
And because I would, and that was, and in the car, when I was telling you earlier,
that's when I found out I had to get glasses.
We would go looking for a house for them to rent years ago.
And that's when we did, and I want to tell y 'all, she ministered me every single time.
And I don't think she looked at it that way, but it was just,
now that I can look back at it, I'm going, you saved my, I mean, she saved my life
emotionally.
You know what I mean?
But.
Well, we've been in those situations.
And it's a thing where you sit back and you go.
Thank God for that person.
And it's like, God literally put this person in my life.
At this time, for this reason.
So, so I have an analogy.
I was like, God, God is a sculptor.
You know, he's the potter, we're the clay, everything else.
And so God puts people in your life, good or bad.
And it could be the boss that you hate.
It could be your best friend.
And it could be an ex -boyfriend.
It could be an ex -husband, whatever.
But God uses all these people as tools.
Some people he may use as a scaffold.
Some people he uses as a hammer to take big chunks out of your life.
And you're just like, why did you do that?
That hurt.
And then there's some people who, they just give you the fun finishing touches.
They brush you up and they clean off the rough edges.
And polish.
They polish you.
So that's kind of one of those things of, you know, Anna, she's definitely, she's been at times been a hammer.
She's been a chisel.
She's been a polish.
She's been, stop it, don't touch me.
Actually doesn't like to be touched when she's sad, so I just go there.
She wants to comfort me, and I'm like, don't touch me.
But some, you know, everybody, every person that God puts in your life is, God
is using to shape you.
And so, and there are some people you're just like, thank God that he sent me this person.
And you see the effect that that person has on your growth spiritually and what they have used, how God has
used them to speak to you, whether they be a positive or a negative.
Yeah, because at that, during that point in time in my life, I didn't know where to go.
I didn't know who to talk to.
I didn't know what to say.
I didn't know how to put it.
I didn't know, and I would just get so frustrated, and I would be so angry.
And it would be like, she'd call me and say, hey, you want to go look for a house with me?
And I was like, yeah, sure, get me in here.
How'd you know I needed to get out of here tonight?
You know?
And we'd get in the car.
Is she watching?
Hi, Rebecca.
We would get in the car, and I would just like word vomit and cry sometimes.
And then by the end of the night, by the time, we never found a house.
Out of all that time, we never found a house.
Her sister found a house for them to move into.
But anyways, we still had fun doing it.
It was so productive.
It was.
So, you know, and I will have to say that she was that person,
that I was going in the wrong direction, but she gently
restored me and steered me into the right direction.
One thing, though, if a fellow believer comes to you and they're struggling
with something, a sin in particular,
you've got to make sure that you, too, are not caught in that same sin in the correcting of that person
because John 8, the adulterous woman, says
the one with no sin casts the first stone.
Oh, and then also, I have to shrink down.
My readers.
Matthew 7, 1 through 6, and this is the typical, like the stereotypical verse that they say,
like, don't, you know, don't judge me.
You're not supposed to judge me.
And then I'll end up reading one of, yeah, it's Matthew 7, 1 through 6, and I'll end up reading
John Piper.
He's a pastor, if y 'all haven't heard of him, but he has like a little saying about it, and I'm like, it's
just perfect.
So I'll go ahead and read Matthew 7, 1 through 6.
Do not judge so that you won't be judged.
From the judgment you use, you will be judged, and to the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
Why do you look at the speck in your brother's eye but don't notice the log in your own eye?
Or how can you say to your brother, let me take the speck out of your eye, and look, there's a log in your eye?
Hypocrite.
First take the log out of your eye, and then you will clearly take a speck out of your brother's eye.
Don't give what is holy to dogs or toss your pearls before pigs, or they will trample
them with their feet, turn, and tear you to pieces.
Could you imagine Jesus calling, like you personally, hypocrite?
Could you imagine?
Because this is Jesus speaking, and for him to say hypocrite, like, ooh, that cuts deep.
But so John Piper, what he has to say about it, he says, it's not wrong to lovingly help our brother remove
a harmful speck from his eye.
It is wrong to self -righteously point out a speck in your brother's eye when we ignore, as no big deal,
the ridiculous log protruding from our own.
And so like she said, you know, it's okay to help somebody else out with that,
but you can't scold them for something that you do the exact same thing.
And so that's always one thing I would recommend before any type of, like,
accountability meeting is evaluate yourself because there are some times it's not like a counseling group.
It's not, you know, just like ladies and lattes.
It's not just that.
You know, it's a time to hang out.
Yeah, see, we can add it, but it's not just that.
But to really evaluate yourself and be like, okay.
And there have been times I'm like, I know exactly what you're going through because I'm going through it right now, and I just want to let you
know you were not alone in this.
Like I'm struggling with that same thing right now.
What can we do to fix it?
Instead of just be like, oh, yeah, you need to work on that girl.
You suck.
You can't do that.
Do you see her face?
Do you see why I like being her friend?
She makes me laugh.
I'm funny.
She's hilarious.
Say that to Donovan.
He says I'm not hilarious.
Donovan thinks I'm not funny too, so, you know.
No, he's like you're not hilarious.
I said I'm hilarious.
I am a delight and I'm funny.
I need that on camera.
I need that.
That look.
You should wait until she gets the Madea out.
Oh, yes.
Oh, yes, ma 'am.
I get really sippy.
One thing, I do have a couple of, as Ashley and I were going over this on Saturday,
when you were talking about like, you know, chiseling, when you have people in your life, you know, that kind of shape you into who you are.
Proverbs 27, 17, as iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.
And I find that very true.
And for one of our accountability groups, that was actually like our motto or like the verse that we used for like the motto for that.
And so I.
That was our Bible verse.
Oh.
Oh, no.
That was that.
That's my study Bible too.
That was our Bible verse on a mission trip one year.
That was our team verse.
It was one of the verses that me and little Jeff used when we did our.
I know, I saw that.
I saw that.
That was a good one too.
I haven't watched it.
I don't go back and watch myself.
Oh, you don't watch yourself?
It's weird.
It's like when you.
I don't like listening to myself talk.
That reminds me.
I got something I need to do.
So remind me.
Humility is in this too.
Being humble.
That is something that, you know, Anna knows a little bit of this and I won't go too crazy into it.
But one of the lessons that I had to learn during this accountability group, because, you know, I've been in one same amount of time, you know, she
started, she and I started together.
One of the really hard lessons that I had to learn in an accountability group was, you
know, talking about being the tool that God uses to shape people.
If somebody rejects that shaping, that is not your responsibility.
And you cannot, it's one of those things you cannot take it personal when somebody refuses correction.
And that's what you cannot do that.
Oh my gosh.
Cause you know, there was one time.
I don't feel like a failure.
I do.
That was something she struggled.
I struggled with that.
I still like there are pangs of that cause I'm a fixer.
Where's my flip flop when I need it?
I'm not struggling with it right now.
But we had one friend who she just, she didn't, she was doing, we went
to her with Bible verses and I took it.
So personally, like it was a huge failure on my part when she chose to
still go on a different path.
And for years I was like, was I too hard?
Was I not hard enough?
And it was one of those, that's not my responsibility.
Our responsibility is to be willing tools and to be obedient to God.
After that, our responsibility in the situation is over.
And you think they're not rejecting you.
They're rejecting God.
Did you start out gentle?
Oh yeah.
Start out gentle.
Oh, we went, it was over a long period.
It was over years.
It was over a very long period of time.
I haven't been gentle.
There are times like I can laugh at other people.
She was gentle.
You, I can see being gentle.
Oh, no, no, not so much anymore.
Oh no.
So, you know, when this happens, do you realize you do that?
Like yesterday, like a Sunday, she's just like, bam, like suplex me with something.
I'm like, no, I don't do that.
What are you?
I was like, so don't you notice that whenever this happens, you do this, just called
it like we were in the middle of a conversation with somebody else.
And then I pointed it out.
I thought about it in the middle of my conversation.
She just called me out in the middle of my conversation.
I'm just like,.
But I only do that because Ashley and I have been friends so long.
I know that I can just look at her.
And even with Donovan, like I have certain relationships with people.
I can just look at them and be like, okay, I love you.
You're a brat.
You're being a brat.
And that's kind of like where Ashley and I are, but other people, I'm not just going to say that too, but it's like, I mean, have you considered
all of, you know, your feelings?
Are they really,.
Your feelings aren't always true.
You know, I'm always rely on feelings.
No, but like with Ashley, it's like, I'm just like,.
Where are you?
Your feelings?
I'm like, does it just because someone says something, does that mean it's true?
Well, no.
Then stop.
Just stop.
Stop it.
Stop.
But yeah, I think that takes a while to develop a relationship like that.
So that's, but yeah, like what Mercedes said,.
Humility, that is, you know, going, how that tied into what she was saying.
It's humility.
Cause that was a pride issue with me because I was pretending that I had power
to change the direction of people's life.
And I knew what God's will was for their life.
And I knew what they were doing was wrong.
And so I was going to make them change.
And that is not me.
No, honey.
She's like, I know, I know, I know.
And everybody knows that everybody, you may be sitting there, Lisa, listen, but you may be sitting there like, no, I know that.
But, but all of us do that.
Everybody does that.
When you, when you, you think what, you know, you know what?
Cause you love them.
It's out of love.
And so then what I have to remember, I have to remember though, I need to take a step back and just like,
you know what?
That's what you want to do.
You know, how many times I've done that?
You are a mother and a grandmother.
I absolutely know.
Where is it that it says, um, you go, um, in private to correct that person.
Oh, bring to, uh, that's what I've thought.
I thought it was in James.
Anybody watching, do you know what verse that is?
I was, I don't know why I'm looking down there when y 'all couldn't.
Can you hear me?
I thought it was in James, but then I want to say it was,.
No, I want to say, is there anybody there?
I'm trying to like Google it.
I was going to do that.
And then I remembered my phone's over there being busy.
You can't Google.
Mom says, Matthew.
Oh, shoot.
We were way off.
Thanks.
I was like, uh, Matthew.
Oh, Matthew.
Oh, she says, I think now.
Hey mom, do you have a reference to that?
Cause I know you're probably watching with an iPad and a phone right now.
Oh yes.
She'll have both.
18, 16.
That 18, 16.
Ms. Gwen, we gotta get your, uh, wow moment put on YouTube.
It is on YouTube.
Matthew, 18, 16.
Is that?
I didn't see it.
No.
Is that it?
15.
If your brother stands against you, go and rebuke him in private.
If he listens to you, you have one brother, but if he won't listen, take one or two more with you.
Slip by the testimony of two or three witnesses.
Every fact may be established.
If he pays no attention to them, tell the church, but if he doesn't pay attention to the church, let him believe like in, let
him be like an unbeliever and a tax collector to you.
So kind of like if somebody knocks at your door and there's a bunch of people from church out there, you've done something really bad.
Oh, apparently you weren't listening the first two times anymore.
You just have to step away and let them come to their senses on their own.
But when they come back, be there.
Oh,.
Like the prodigal son example.
I have a friend who decided to make a decision very
quickly and like without going into a lot of detail.
Um, it was a friend of ours, Donovan, and he was just making this rash decision.
It's like, you know, what's the rush?
Like, why are you doing all this stuff?
You really need to take time to decide, you know, X, Y, Z.
He ended up going against that, which is fine.
Like, I'm not your parent.
I'm not going to tell you what to do, but you asked our opinion.
So we're going to tell you, you know, exactly how we feel.
And, um, he stopped talking to us and it's been almost two years
now.
Just totally goes to like, I've tried reaching out everything, no contact.
And Donovan and I were talking about it here like last few months.
I said, you know, I'm not mad.
I said, I feel rejected because, you know, just because he didn't like what we had to say, you know, it's like, we'll still love
you, but we don't agree with this particular decision that you made.
We'll still be here for you if you need help with anything.
But the fact that, you know, they just, he ghosted us.
It's like, you know, that's fine.
But I told Donovan, I said, if he comes back, I said,.
I don't even care about it.
It's like, to me, it doesn't matter, but it's like the same thing, you know, you feel like, you know, what's best for your friends.
And it's super hard when it's somebody that you're extremely close to, and you love dearly.
It's hard to step away.
Especially if it's somebody you've invested in.
Well,.
And I'm always asked my mom, I said, is this what you feel like with your kids?
And you know that they're, like, it's watching like a train accident happen, you know, it's like a train wreck coming.
It's like, you know it's going to be a train wreck, but you still have to let it happen anyway.
She's like, yeah, it's one of the sucky parts of being a mom,.
Because she's like, you can't do anything.
You've got to let them make their own mistakes.
And it's like, you've just got to let your hands off.
You have to, and especially when it comes to kids, you have to give them the advice that, if they ask for it.
I mean, because, especially after you have, because, my, I have a stepdaughter that'll be
30 in January, and a stepson that's 27, and then Wesley's 26.
I messed up that one.
Brandon,.
My stepson will be, my stepson will be 28.
Brandon will be 28, because Amber will be 30.
And then that makes Wesley, she will be 27 in February.
She's 94.
And then, then there's William that's 20, and Miranda that's 18, and,
I'll be honest with you, you know, all you can do, once they,
once they're grown, and out of the house, it's worse than them being toddlers.
Because when they're toddlers,.
You can, when they're toddlers, you can smack their hand, and then they won't do it anymore.
Or they'll try to do it, and then you've got to smack their hand, and they move their hand away.
But when they're grown, it's like, don't do that.
Why are you doing that?
Why aren't you listening to me?
This is what's going on in your head.
And then, when they come to you and say, what do you think I ought to do?
Well, you shouldn't have done it in the first place.
Well, that's whenever you have to just sit down, and you, and it's like, it's really easy, it's really, really,
with, Wesley is my hard -headed child, because she's so much like me.
And, we actually had a talk a couple weeks ago, and, she
just needed to hear truth.
And I told her, I said, do you want to hear truth?
And she said, surprisingly, yes.
Because usually, she don't want to hear any of that.
So, we spent two hours in my bedroom, with the door shut, and,
she accepted it.
And she, listened to it.
And, as a parent, it's very, very, very hard to deliver
truth, sometimes, to your kids.
Because, it's easy to do it with somebody else's kids.
But, you know, it, you want, for your own children, you want life to be
great, and grand.
But, life isn't, great and grand.
I was like, my mom,.
She apologized, because like, like for my childhood, it wasn't like 100 % great.
Like my dad was an alcoholic, and it was an abusive marriage, and everything like that.
And she apologized to me, just like a few months ago.
I'm just so sorry, that that happened.
I just feel like you have so much baggage.
I said, mom, what person doesn't have, some form, of baggage?
I said, tell me one person.
She's like, I can't.
I said, okay, then, like, what you just said, just throw it off.
Just like, nothing.
But, with that, everyone has something.
And, you can't protect, the people that you love, from making, the wrong decisions.
You just kind of have to, it's like, you know, a kid, okay, that's hot, don't touch that.
Hey, it's hot, don't touch that.
It's like, okay, go ahead and touch it, it's hot, you'll learn.
And sometimes, we just have to burn ourselves, in order to learn, for ourselves.
But with like, speaking truth to somebody, it is difficult.
And, even though, Ashley and I are friends, and we've been close friends, for a long time, it's still, not
always easy, to speak truth.
And even, to Donovan, like I said, we've been together, for 10 years, tomorrow.
And sometimes, it is not easy, speaking like 100%.
It's like, you want me to be honest?
You want me to tell you 100 % truth?
You're not supposed to be doing that.
And you're like, okay.
It's hard.
It's hard to hear, truth, because you're just like, well, I'm still mad, or I'm, you know, still stuck in
my ways, whatever.
Well, I'll have to be honest, I don't have any problem, being truthful with Mercedes.
Well, not everyone's like you, though.
Some people, they might not feel comfortable, with a particular person, and so, it's
difficult for them, to feel comfortable.
It depends on who it is for me.
Depending on who it is, I'll rip into him if I need to.
I'll take that, but, no, yes.
It really depends on who it is.
Isn't that right, Jean?
It depends on who you are,
and you're not going to be able, but, whether you're in a relationship, it depends on how you feel.
If you're not in a relationship, you know, if you're in a relationship, this is too much for me, so maybe I should just, I'm not going to be in a
relationship.
This is my person, my body, I'd rather you just tell it like it is.
I think that's why you accept mine.
That is exactly why I accept it as it is.
I just, you sugarcoat it.
No boy, no cry.
Well, we have gone way over our 30 minutes.
Yeah, one more thing.
I was reading first Thessalonians 5 -11.
Sorry, just had to have this.
Where's 11?
There's 11.
It's like there's another verse that I got wrong?
Therefore I encourage one another to build each other up as you are already doing, but then you come down to 14.
And we ensure you brothers warn those who are irresponsible comfort the discouraged help the weak be patient with
everyone.
Be patient with everyone.
That note.
That's a tough one.
Yeah, which is also a fruit of the spirit, patience.
God, shut up Mercedes.
Well, okay, I hope that all of y 'all out there have enjoyed tonight as much as I have.
Peanuts gallery.
I love meeting with the younger generation.
They uh...
We could be her daughters.
Unless you go gay.
Yeah, that makes me feel better.
I don't think that made her feel any better.
Gentool, Anna.
Thanks, you guys.
This has been a wow moment.
Thanks, Anna.