Enemies Within The Walls - Lack Of Forgiveness (part 4)

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our Father in heaven Father we come before you this morning just thankful for All that is ours in Christ and most especially for the gift of eternal life that he

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Has provided for us by dying for our sin

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By living the life that we could never live and father. We thank you that you raised him from the dead that we might know

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That he is the Christ and Lord as we look to your word this morning and what it says about forgiveness

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How we ought to think about it how we had a walk through that process Lord, I pray that you'd be with us that this would be a time of reflecting on your goodness to us and Reflecting on how we ought to treat one another within the body of Christ father.

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Bless each one here in Jesus name. We pray. Amen Well, you know, I I hope as we

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Deal with this this morning. In fact, I'm gonna encourage you to even send me some examples We'll talk about what

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I'm talking about this week. Maybe some issues that we Work through but I hope that as we do this this morning and me

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We'll get to it this morning that this will be unique in the history of Bethlehem Bible Church you know with some time ago

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I said I was gonna do the most controversial Sunday school in the history of Bethlehem Bible Church, and I think

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I did that in my own estimation. Thank you very much and By the way, one of the things

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I learned in California in case you were wondering Was that it is possible. Well, I shouldn't even say that.

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Yeah. Well, yeah, sure. I will Why not? This is Sunday school You are the elect of the elect the elite as it were

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One of the things I learned and I how many of you watch the conference online did anybody watch it Okay, anybody see the segments with Todd Friel where they did the panels and you know

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I was just I was watching him and going who knew That being a

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Christian smart aleck was a profession. I didn't know that, you know, and I'm watching him. I just thought

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I Never would have guessed anyway doing this series on enemies within the walls and lack of forgiveness and I think forgiveness is so key because you know even in the sermon

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I said if we understand the Bible as an as a single story as an arc as a word really is

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How can? God be reconciled to man or how can a holy and just God forgive man of?

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Our sins mankind of our sins and he does that through the person and work of Jesus Christ, but even as we are

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Forgiven how should we forgive and this is I think it's just so key if you want to have

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Division in a church if you want to have division in your home, you want to have division in your marriage?

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How many of you would like to have division in your marriage? Don't don't raise your hands if you want to have issues at home just practice failing to forgive

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Just stay mad at your spouse Can you imagine that you know?

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Now this didn't actually happen, but you know what I've noticed around the house that it's gotten very quiet My wife hasn't spoken to me for 30 days

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Might be time to do something about that mean If the

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Bible says to keep short accounts the Bible says don't let the Sun go down in your anger The Bible says forgive as you've been forgiven

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But you know what? I think it is just the one thing that is ingrained in us that maybe is the hardest thing for us to do

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And and we've discussed a variety of reasons for that. I think the number one reason is what what do you think?

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The number one reason that forgiveness is hard. What's that? I think it's pride.

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I think that's an excellent reason because what because we think we deserve better than what we're getting and therefore we're not going to forgive and Again, as I've said many times if we just viewed all of life if we could just do this constantly if we could just view it through the prism of our sin and How the

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Lord Jesus Christ has covered that sin and how we've been forgiven for that and how we're not going to stand

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Guilty on the day of judgment for that if we just viewed all of life through that then everything that was done against us would seem huge no

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It would seem relatively minor we understand how great our sin is against the Holy God then we're less likely to Be unforgiving

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Last time we talked about David his Adultery and subsequent murder really of Uriah the

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Hittite arranging for Uriah to be up at the front lines and How he did this all and how

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Nathan eventually comes to him and says what you are the man and I know for me And I'm sure for many of you

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When you have those kind of you are the man moments when you realize that you are you stand guilty of whatever it is there's some brokenness that ought to attend that and I think we ought to think about that and We talked last time about how there can be temporal consequences even with forgiveness how there can be

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I Mean there are many sins that we could name where there are consequences even though you've been forgiven for them

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Maybe we'll talk about some of those even as we work through some of these examples But as an example, you know, can if somebody steals from you, can you forgive them?

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Yes, can they still go to prison? Yes. Is that a temporal consequence of their sin?

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Yes now I want to talk this morning about the process of forgiveness

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The process of forgiveness and I don't mean by the way, you know Step one for me forgiving you step two for me forgiving you.

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That's not what I mean. I mean there there is some sometimes some analysis of This idea of forgiveness and let me just start with a question.

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When should you seek? forgiveness from someone else When should you seek forgiveness from someone else?

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I Think there's an obvious answer as soon as you know that there's a problem which is kind of my second answer, but What do you mean by that Tom?

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Okay once so this was my first answer and so you didn't answer my second one. But anyway When you recognize that you sinned against someone else then you should go and seek their forgiveness and Again, I think this is bears repeating because it's something that people

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Often mangle Asking for forgiveness is not the same as saying.

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I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I bumped into this music stand Why are they not the same thing?

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I'm sorry requires no response It absolutely requires no response

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Whereas will you please forgive me? Requires that person to process it

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Think about it consider it and they actually have to say Yes, or no, of course if they say no there is another issue

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Now when else should you seek forgiveness? This is a little trickier and Tom was almost there

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What else should you seek the forgiveness of someone else or should you at least consider the possibility that you might?

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Need the forgiveness of someone else Russ Okay, when you don't know that you've sinned against someone else, but they perceive that you have and how would you know that?

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There's there's a change in your relationship You know You haven't had the

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DTR yet that define the relationship, you know, what's wrong with our relationship discussion? But there's a definite difference

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You know you walk this way and they see you and they turn around and go the other way, you know

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Put their head down. That's a clue. You know, some of these clues are very subtle like that You know

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And like I said if you're married and your spouse doesn't talk to you for several days for some of you that may be normal I hope

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But you know if something like that happens then you need to recognize that there may be something and you know

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Sometimes what happens you have to say? Okay. Did I do something? To offend this person.

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What do you do if you don't really know? I Can't think of anything. I've searched over the last, you know month or so of my interaction with this person

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And I can't think of a single thing that I've done that could have possibly offended them. Okay Now I I don't want to step on too many toes.

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Yes, I do There are probably some here this morning who think okay if somebody ducks and turns it goes the other way

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Hey, that's their problem If they don't want to talk to me, well, I don't know what their issue is, but they need to get over it or you know

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Whatever, you know, we we we don't we don't really even take that first step But yeah, we need to we need to go to them and find out, you know, have

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I done something to offend you? Do I need to ask you I may not know and it's entirely possible that I've done something and I don't know about it

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But I had I had to check that out How to follow up on it and I'm gonna get to some specific

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Situations here, but let me ask a few more questions When should you let's flip it around here a little bit when should you confront someone else about their need to seek forgiveness from you?

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Let's open our Bibles to Matthew chapter 18 Matthew 18,

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I'd like somebody to read just verse 15, please Go ahead.

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Well now that only applies to siblings and not to spouses

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No, wait, if your brother this this just applies to any believer sins against you

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Then what do we what are we supposed to do? We go to them? Again, let's just make this real practical in the home

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Between you and your spouse if you're married your spouse does something

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Sins against you, you know, it could be some small thing What is our response to be?

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Well, if we're if we're listening to the Lord, we would go and tell them what they've done wrong in Private that's the right thing to do.

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Is that how we deal with things? Yeah, Peggy Okay, and and we'll

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I Think we'll get there, but we can get there now What about love covers the multitude of sins?

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I mean, you know what? Here's the thing You know, my wife is constantly

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I mean she She covers up more more things than the

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You know, I don't know than the CIA. She covers up a lot What does it mean to cover up a multitude of sins?

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Not to be easily offended okay, I mean if you think about it if Everything that bothered you, you know, your husband fails to pick up his socks

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Your wife even though you've asked her a Thousand times doesn't get the mail during the day and then you have to go all the way down to the mailbox

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You know, when is it that you can't cover it up and you have to do what

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Matthew 18 says? Okay, when it's willful and deliberate when it's meant to get under the person's skin, okay,

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I Agree Is there any other situation

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Russ? Maybe they were kidding or maybe they didn't mean to Okay, so maybe you have to have to look at it that way.

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I Think there's a there is a problem with that. I'll just say it that way. There's a problem with that in what?

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Some things are said in jest. They're said kiddingly But they're not received that way.

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So then what you know, then we're back to Matthew 18 and Here's the point on covering a multitude of sins.

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There are some things that we can just go. You know what I I can get over that but what you know if you can't get over something then

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You can't get over it You tell yourself, you know what love covers a multitude of sins and I'm just gonna cover that up You go to bed that night you're like, you know what

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I mean, this is just running through my head. I can't go to sleep You wake up the next day.

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It's still there at some point. You have to think to yourself

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This is something I can't cover up. Maybe it's my weakness or whatever Maybe it's something I should be able to get over and maybe you even approach it that way

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Maybe you go to your spouse your friend your brother in Christ and you just say you know what I've tried

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I've really tried to cover this up. I tried to get over it maybe this is a failure on my part, but I can't and so for the sake of our relationship,

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I'm asking you To ask me for forgiveness because I don't want this strain to continue.

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So I think that's right love covers a multitude of sins, but you know, sometimes we

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We can't maybe we don't love enough Maybe we're not big enough But here's something

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I would like us to consider just back up a little bit in Matthew to Matthew chapter 7 This is right after the unbelievers favorite verse judge not

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Matthew 7 verses 2 to 5 and If somebody would read those, please

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Matthew 7 verses 2 to 5 Carmen yeah, it's a verse 5.

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I think if we if we do this, what what do you think going through this process? Considering our own

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Logs as it were before we worry about our the specs in other people. What do you think that does to us?

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It should make us a lot more humble right, and so when when we

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Go ahead. I think that's exactly right.

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It's gonna make us more Able I think to consider you know what in light of my sinfulness in light of everything that I do

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Maybe this is one that I can really Cover up Initially, maybe I thought

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I couldn't but when I start doing the log spec thing It kind of their sin seems like more like a spec and I've got plenty of logs

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Matter of fact, I'm thinking about starting a lumber company, but humility and how does that help by the way?

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How does that help if we're going to go and basically confront somebody about their sin, how does that help us?

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Pastor Dave I Really think because it does

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You know get us off our high horse. It does give us a Sense of ourselves and our own sinfulness and it makes it kind of a little bit easier to approach them not in anger

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Because a lot of times when we get offended what I mean Look, we live in an age where we can turn on TV anytime night or day seeing one of these reality shows

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And what do we see? We see anger unleashed You know emotions unchecked and this really is a check of our emotions.

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It really causes us not to be So focused on ourselves in a sinful way, but it really shows us our own weaknesses

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We're doing a self -examination before we go to them and that the benefit of it is we think in Light of all my

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Problems my sin How should I be looking at my brother or sister in Christ?

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And when we see words like in verse 5 you hypocrites First take the log out of your own eye

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Then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye. We are going to be helping them

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By did you ever think about that? I mean we could go through all of Matthew 18 and we could see that the goal is to what win our brother, right?

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We really are helping them But we can only help them if we've got the right attitude about it we come in the wrong attitude what we're going to ultimately experience is a fight and That's not what we want other thoughts or questions about that about Checking out your own

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Lumber company before you go to the speck in your brother's eye. Yep, big Yeah, a lot of things that's an excellent point.

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I mean a lot of the things that we experience a lot of things that we go through are Maybe for the benefit of others.

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So even in this process of self -examination of Checking our own eyes as it were

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We might be able to help others down the road and maybe even our brother or sister in Christ that we're going to go confront

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But yeah Certainly a lot of the things that happen like that are for our own good and for the good of others

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Now, how should you seek Forgiveness in other words if you need to go to somebody and ask for forgiveness

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How should you seek it? How should you approach the person that you've sinned against?

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I Like us to go to Psalm 51, you know,

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I think one of the one of the words that pastor Mike absolutely. I Think he just a test is

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Broken, you know another one is wounded why because people say we're broken we're wounded, you know

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Because it's just all it turns into you know, the Church of Oprah if we use it in that sense But I'm about to break pastor

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Mike's rules Because he's not here And I can get away with it. Uh How should we seek forgiveness?

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well, I'm gonna suggest that one of the ways is really a brokenness and I don't mean that you know, and Kind of a pansy sense.

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I mean in a godly sense being broken over our sin Let me just read Psalm 51 the first 17 verses and because it's so long.

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I'm gonna go ahead and read it Have mercy on me. Oh God according to your steadfast love

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According to your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin

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For I know my transgressions and my sin is ever before me Against you you only have

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I sinned and done What is evil in your sight so that you may be justified in your words and blameless in your judgment?

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Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity and in sin My mother did conceive me behold you delight in truth in the inward being and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart

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Purge me with hyssop and I shall be clean wash me and I shall be whiter than snow

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Let me hear joy and gladness Let the bones that you have broken rejoice

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Hide your face from my sins and blot out all my iniquities Created me a clean heart.

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Oh God and renew a right spirit in me Cast me not away from your presence and take not your

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Holy Spirit from me Restore to me the joy of your salvation and uphold me with a willing spirit

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Then I will teach transgressors your way and sinners will return to you Deliver me from blood guiltiness.

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Oh God. Oh God of my salvation and my tongue will sing aloud of your righteousness

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Oh Lord open my lips and my mouth will declare your praise For you will not delight in sacrifice where I would give it.

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You will not be pleased with the burnt offering The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit a

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Broken and contrite heart. Oh God, you will not despise Now the psalmist writes this in response to what's that His sin against Bathsheba and Uriah the

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Hittite, but it's interesting. He doesn't mention them It's God and God only and notice what he's looking for In verse 12, he says restore to me the joy of your salvation

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Why Why does he plead for that? That's a that's a great phrase.

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I mean the crushing guilt There's just a weight, you know, it's like when you first get saved

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You know when you recognize that Jesus has paid for your sins and the you don't bear them anymore

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Like this the song says, you know, they're nailed to the cross and I bear them no more What do you have

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You know a joy and almost like a what a weightlessness it's almost like, you know, you have to attach your feet to the ground because you're gonna float away and When we sin when we recognize the guilt of our sin even after salvation then there's a weight that comes with it and the deeper the sin the weightier the guilt and What have you done?

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murder Adultery, I Mean he was just going through the Ten Commandments and just knocking off the blocks.

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He was just going at it And when he finally is called by Nathan on the carpet, then what the guilt?

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The sense of separation from God all that joy all that kind of weightlessness is

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Gone and replaced with the oppression of sin now was he any less saved than he was before his sin?

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No But you lose that sense of it you lose the joy and he just wants that restored

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Notice again what he says in verse 14 at the end of it. My tongue will sing aloud of your righteousness

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He did he just wants you know in verse 15 open my lips my mouth will declare your praise

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There's just a sense in which you're beaten down by your sin your own guiltiness your own depravity

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You just want that removed why so that you can sing again so you can feel that joy again but there's a brokenness that should

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Attend you know When you when you need to seek forgiveness when you go to someone you just say, you know what?

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I recognize that I've sinned against you. You shouldn't just go. Hey, dude, will you forgive me? Especially if it's your wife, that'd be a bad move

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Hey, dude, I Try not to call her dude It's it's bad for him.

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But there should there should be you know, not not sackcloth and ashes and fakeness but a genuine

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Understanding of what you've done and how you've offended them if you approach it that way then You're doing it the right way

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And I and I think so much of this, you know in both sense in both ways You know before you go to confront someone and say, you know what you need to ask me for forgiveness or before You're going to ask someone for their forgiveness there needs to be this introspection the self -examination

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We need to think through the process and think you know my my my sinfulness before God and then approach the other person again because the humility the brokenness with which we

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Approach the other person will help immensely Now, how should we forgive?

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Well, we should forgive as God forgave Does it I'm gonna ask this gonna seem kind of a random question, but bear with me for a minute

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Anybody know? What started World War two? Somebody will say

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You know, maybe Pearl Harbor well Not really

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What started let's say let me be more specific. What started World War two in Europe? What was the cause of World War two in Europe September 1st 1939?

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Thank you very much There's your little bit of trivia for the day that the invasion of Poland, but that's not what started at Russ World War one started

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World War two You say how's that? Because the

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Treaty of Versailles the treaty that ended that war was so punitive

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I mean the Germans Had to pay reparations. They were restricted.

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I mean most of us have probably studied this at some point Maybe we've forgotten it but the the punishment that was placed on the

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German people Were it they were enormous. They could only have you know a

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Certain amount of an army and they had to pay money and they had to do all these things to kind of make up for being the aggressors in World War one and Hitler comes along and Plays on the anger of the

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German people for being punished for being Not forgiven they were not forgiven at all

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I mean when we look at the difference between how World War one ended and how

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World War two Ended, you know our best, you know Some of our best friends in the world are what the

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Germans the Japanese and we just go how's that? You know, how's that possible? Completely different approach

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We were not to punish those nations we were out to rebuild them after the after the war so again, if we look at Ephesians 4, how should we forgive we should forgive as God has forgiven us

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Now, what does forgiveness look like? I'm going to suggest that one of the one of the things that we should look for in forgiveness is a restoration of the relationship

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I Think in all but the most grievous situations, I mean, let's put it this way when

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David Psalm 51 is broken over his sin.

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Who's the one person he can't go and seek forgiveness from Uriah the

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Hittite, I mean that's just history, right? You can't do anything about that If he could, you know, then there should be a restoration but especially within our homes

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And within the body of Christ within our families we should be looking for a restoration of the relationship and anybody who says that Forgiveness Doesn't necessarily include that.

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Well, I I would say in all but the most extreme Situations that probably should I mean if there are legal consequences or something else that's entirely different, but I'm talking about Generally, somebody hurts your feelings and then they ask for forgiveness.

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What do you do? Oh, I forgive you I just don't ever want to talk to you again. Oh, I forgive you but Is that forgiveness?

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Some people might think yes, and I want to go back to Ephesians chapter 4

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Forgive as God has forgiven you When you sin against God does

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God say? Well, you know what I forgive you, but you're still gonna have to do time in purgatory I'm not gonna have any kind of relationship with you.

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I forgive you Just don't come to me in prayer. Just don't expect anything out of me.

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That's not how we should be forgiving. You know, it's kind of like those

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Car commercials, you know where they they show the car, you know being smashed and then perfectly restored

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Ideally our relationship should be the same They should be perfectly restored

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Now that may or may not always happen, but that should be the objective. We should be trying to restore relationships

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There should also be when we think about forgiveness. There should be a sense of joy

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I mean really if you forgive somebody and they know they're forgiven then there ought to be happiness on both sides.

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Why because You you love that person because they're your brother or sister in Christ and you want there to be that restoration

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And so you ought to be happy that whatever it was that was separating you Has been resolved and again as we mentioned a few weeks ago there there needs to be a letting go of the issue

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Not saving it for later You know not if love doesn't keep a count of sins if love is not

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An accountant as it were then we love ought not to be a story in either

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Don't you remember? When you did X Y or Z, we just shouldn't do that.

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Now, let's let's talk about Some examples maybe of Forgiveness, maybe we can go through one or two and kind of get a little interaction here

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Real -life situations. I think these things happen from time to time. Here's my first one a wife gives the child in their home instructions and then is countermanded by the husband she tells him to Go clean his room do his homework, whatever the deal is

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And the husband says now don't worry about it. Does anybody need forgiveness in that situation?

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What do you think who needs forgiveness maybe the child

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For failing to obey directions in the first place, but don't you think maybe the husband might need some forgiveness?

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I mean this really gets into the heart of marital issues that we see from time to time when

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I've seen this on many occasions a husband or wife kind of Dispute or take different sides of an issue in front of the kids.

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How does that work? How is the wife going to what what's her perspective on this exchange gonna be?

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Well, I and I agree Maria and and I thank you for For that because I think that's right that the wife and I mean that was very godly thinking on your part the wife if she

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Responds to her husband and says right there, you know, what are you talking about? You can't do that in front of him

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Well now we've just got an escalation of the whole situation and I think it would be right for her to go to her husband later now

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I Don't know. I'm just kind of I hadn't really thought about going to the child. I don't really know

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I don't really know if they need the child's forgiveness But I agree that there needs to be some kind of that that situation needs to be addressed with the child so that they understand

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Depending on the age that that's not gonna happen again John That's exactly right,

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I mean he just taught I mean, isn't it amazing that you can teach something Without even saying it

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You know, he just taught the child the mom doesn't count Forget about her

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I'm the boss Just listen to me, which is what you know, I always did. Oh, sorry.

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No, that's it. That's just that's It You'd the last thing you want to do is undermine your wife and husband and wife

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Mother and father in front of the kids have to be on the same page Before I get to pastor

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Harry, I would just say that almost any time where I disagree with my wife I hope this is you know true

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Or she disagreed with me which was on many occasions You just can't air that out in front of the kids.

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It just can't be done There you needs to be united front now if I'm wrong in what

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I say or she's wrong and what she says Well, then we need to go off together Consult get on the same page and then go back and talk to the kid

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Harry Theory sure.

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Sure. These are these are all hypothetical situations and and you know what for any any parent here?

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That hasn't already figured this one out The one thing you need to do when a child comes to you and says, you know, can

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I do da da da da? Well, if you ask your mother kids are crafty like, you know, they're like the

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I You know now I would not personally know from any personal experience. I never did anything like that As a kid

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And you know what even well, I mean just think about this in the workplace, I mean what

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If you're what if you're at work and your boss comes along you've made a decision your boss comes along and countermands that in front of Everybody, how does that look?

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Not good at all And so, you know if you've had a supervisor like that, then you should understand that to do that in the home

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How much worse is that? You should never want to do that ever other thoughts on this

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Russ Don't make me tell grandma.

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There you go Okay, now one of the things I want to do and we'll do this for the next week or so Maybe maybe just next week, but we'll talk about I have some more examples and if you have some

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Situations that you'd like to anonymously Discuss then you can send me an email and we'll just remove all the names

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All the dates times places everything all the details you want to give me and we'll just make it as generic as possible

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But I think this is helpful for us to just think through because and we're gonna get to some of the issues

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Within the body of Christ, too But I just think it's helpful helpful for us to think about how do we handle these kind of situations now in this case?

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Where this actually happened? The husband, you know countermands the wife's instruction.

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The wife should go to her husband I would say because she's unless she can just Cover it.

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But even then what what's if she covers that what's the end result? John Yeah, it's gonna happen again and again and again and again and pretty soon

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You know, you know, well, let's look at it this way. Why does the Bible say to keep short accounts? Why does the

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Bible say don't let the Sun go down on your anger? Why so you don't keep a grudge but it you know

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Like as it pertains to this situation just think about this if the wife just says, you know what? I'm just gonna cover that and then it happens again and again and again and again.

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Well, what's happening? She's probably getting madder and madder and madder and madder and the end result is instead of dealing with it when it was at a relatively small level

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You know the damage is being done She's being consistently undermined and she's gonna get more angry and more angry and more angry and the odds are better that she's going to respond in a way that she shouldn't and You know just think of the damage that you're doing as far as her

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Authority goes and how You know, you're gonna have to work a lot harder to get that child back to understanding that you know, really mom does have some authority and by the way

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There are homes where it's kind of reversed where the husband will say something and then the wife countermeasures to that can happen and that's

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Certainly not any better Parents really need to be on the same the same page because Like I said kids are evil.

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They will sorry They will exploit weakness so Anyway, we need to close if you if you have some

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Illustrations some examples, please email them to me and we'll we'll discuss those father we just are overwhelmed

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That in spite of our sinfulness in spite of our hatred for you our violations of your law our

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Disregard of you you loved us and sent your son to die for us so that you could forgive us

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So that you could maintain your justice So that you could look at us and see

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Christ's righteousness in place of our sinfulness Father let us live in light of The forgiveness that you have granted us in Christ Let us be a people that want to forgive that are eager to forgive that want to fully forgive and to have relationships restored to think rightly of one another as brothers and sisters in Christ and to long for that sense of unity and love and Joined purpose father.