Is Apologetics Consuming your Time?

As we're waiting for some questions, if there are any questions, we'll take them. I wanna ask a little bit more of a personal question and don't worry, it's not too personal. You know, he's like, what did I get myself into?

Not that personal, but someone who is as busy as you are. I mean, you're a pastor, you plant churches, you do stuff like this, you have your own content. How do you balance ministry, personal study, all of the different meetings and engagements you're involved in and your spiritual life?

How does that balancing act work for you? Because that looks like it requires a miracle in and of itself to do. So why don't you share that with us?

Burnout, Finitude, and Saying No in Ministry

Well, that's tough. And I haven't always done that well, Eli. What happened earlier on when I was pastoring a church that was growing and woman apologists started and started getting national recognition, then I started writing books and I started saying yes to opportunities and I didn't realize how much I was burning out.

And, you know, because what can happen is as Christians, we can be saying yes to good things, but it could burn us out and all of us have a capacity, all of us have a lid. And sometimes I feel like, man, Lord, I wish that I wasn't such a sleepy guy, right?

Like I feel like I need a nap about three o 'clock every day.

Oh, that's so encouraging because I feel like I'm always tired. I'm like, man, I think it's because I'm lazy. It's like, this is good to hear. Okay, you're tired all the time.

All right, good. Yeah, yeah, well, I have Gilbert syndrome, which is kind of an immunity disease. It doesn't affect you at all, except I think it just makes your blood cell count lower. And so you can feel a little bit tired at times.

Not only that, what happened was, is when I ended up in taking on too much in my life, I mean, there was one year I was working on a PhD, pastoring a growing church, I wrote two books, and I think we produced over a hundred videos, and I was speaking around the country for family life, marriage conferences, and I was dying.

I ended up going into a dark night of the soul. I wasn't taking care of myself. I mean, long story short, I know what it was like to burn out. I mean, I ended up on an antidepressant. I had a relapse after nearly 23 years without a sip of alcohol.

And I had to renegotiate my faith stance and really reset my life and figure out what my no filter is gonna be. What am I saying yes to? And the more defined we can get in our life about our mission and what we're about, then we can know what we need to say no to, and then what we're saying yes to.

And that can really help us because I think earlier on I was saying yes to things, pastoring, yes to things, writing, yes to YouTube, yes to speaking, yes to PhD. And I'm thankful that God spared me through that difficult time because he's so good and he's so gracious that he was able to help me to recognize my need to slow down.

And I resigned from my last church after that because I just needed to pull away and think. And my family and I, we moved off to California where I grew up, had the most wonderful couple years of healing, family time, bonding, and got a renewed passion for ministry.

But before we started this church, I said, honey, I know how to burn out. I know what it looks like to take too much on. I mean, Eli, I still have regrets of looking at pictures of my kids when they were three and five, because I did the four-year THM at Dallas Seminary in a one-year residency, five years of stuff in 3 1⁄2 years.

I did over 102 hours of master's level work in 2 1⁄2 years. But you know what? That was a cost. I don't say that because somebody paid and who paid was my wife and my kids because every day, you're studying 16 hours a day, even on the weekends.

And I take a break at dinnertime to be with my wife and kids and I still see pictures and I go, man, I was so detached. I wish that I would have recognized that education's not the most important thing in this world.

It's loving Jesus and it's loving people, in particular, those people that he's put in my care, my wife and kids.

Loving Jesus, Loving People, and Staying Present

Yeah, wow, I think that's very powerful because that's something I personally struggle with is, I mean, people don't see it here. They kind of just see that we're both on the screen here, but I have six or seven books underneath my laptop here.

I have nine books that are holding up a light. I've got a bunch of books in the background here. My life is a constant balance of studying, YouTube, work, family, and I love studying. It's, you know, I want to do, I wanna further my education, but there is this level of detachment that I'm constantly battling.

And because my mind wants to be here and investigate all this interesting stuff, my mind is not where it should be. And so that's a very encouraging thing you just said there where it's important, but it's not that important at the end of the day, so.

The Obsessive Analyzer and the Limits of Apologetics

Yeah, you know, the thing about apologetics is it can, especially if somebody has OCD tendencies, okay? And like I ended up in a horrific bout with doubt, and I said, the worst kind of doubters are what I call the obsessive analyzers.

And that's somebody who's analytical, yet they got some OCD tendencies. So you can get people who are obsessive, but they don't obsess on reading. You can get people that are analytical, but they know how to detach.

The obsessive analyzer can struggle unlocking. And I think that there could become this obsessive relationship with our studies as apologists that if we're not careful, we can just get, like, I literally had to get rid of my books because I'd look and I'd be like, oh man, I haven't read that one in a while.

And it was like an ADD experience. And my books, I'd sit around my books and it would just overwhelm me, I was like, I need, oh, I gotta freshen up on this topic and I gotta read this and I gotta read this.

And I had to clear the space because when we're finite, the project of trying to become omniscient will overwhelm us all. And no apologist is omniscient. And so the quicker we realize that and just celebrate our finitude, the more we can get about loving on our wife and kids who are more than just paper, but they are life and they're organic and they are long to be hugged and loved by us.

And I'm so thankful that God opened my eyes while I've missed some of it. And I admit it, I wanna help others to not. And I'm looking forward to being a good grandpa someday and just trying to be as present as I can right now as a husband and a dad.

He's like, come here, sonny. Did you ever read this? It's like, it's story time with grandpa Bobby. Our story for the day is pushing the antithesis. And I'm just kidding.

We're gonna talk about the categorical imperative and how this shakes out in your life or the teleological suspension of the ethical narrative.

I was like, grandpa, I just want Goldilocks, please. Thank you. Just go. That's awesome. Meet Wittgenstein. Goldilocks and the three philosophers. We could do this all day. All right, well, wow. That was super helpful.

And I think that's a great way to transition into some of the questions. We have a couple of questions.