Marriage in the Crosshairs (Part 2)

Henry Ford had many memorable quips. Some people just seem to be more quotable than others.

Henry Ford, my best friend is the one who brings out the best in me. Henry Ford, thinking is the hardest work there is, which is probably the reason why so few engage in it.

A business that makes nothing but money is a poor business. Don't find fault, find a remedy.

Quality means doing it right when no one's looking. But maybe my favorite bit of wisdom, sage advice from Henry Ford, when asked on his 50th wedding anniversary, what is the key to marital bliss and longevity?

Henry Ford said, just the same as in the automobile business, stick to one model.

Let's take our Bibles and open to Malachi chapter two, because that's exactly what we're talking about, the covenant of marriage.

What the Bible says about divorce and remarriage and guarding your heart in the covenant of marriage.

Even this week, we've been watching the Supreme Court trying to define marriage. Who gets to define marriage?

What is the biblical definition of marriage? And as we've been just marching through the book of Malachi, verse by verse in this very direct book, a very confrontational book, it's like a bugle call for all those that might want to just put in the minimum into their faith.

The lowest common denominator, what's the least we could do and still be godly? Malachi hits these issues head on, and it's like he's talking today.

Matter of fact, he is, because the word of God is not only inerrant, not only authoritative, but it's transchronological.

It's relevant today, since God is relevant, sin is relevant, heaven is relevant, Jesus is relevant, his word is as well.

And so Malachi is going to address in chapter two, verses 10 and following, a couple of issues that were going on then that go on today as well, and we're going to discuss the covenant of marriage.

If you're married, the message will be, stay married. If you're not married and wish to marry, the message will be, marry to the glory of God.

If you're not married and you wish not to be married, then serve the Lord with all your heart, soul, and strength.

And if you're a widow or a widower or a child, it is still very applicable, because remember, as we watch the backdrop of marriage, it's before the foreground of Jesus Christ, the groom, the bride, the church, and how we'll look in Ephesians 5 today, how one illustrates the other.

Feminists in the old days called marriage a hopelessly patriarchal institution.

Betty Friedan called it domestic captivity. There's a book called

Divorce, How and When to Let Go by John Adam and Nancy Williamson. This is the culture of the day.

Quote, your marriage can wear out. People change their values and lifestyles. People want to experience new things.

Change is part of life. Change and personal growth are traits for you to be proud of.

You must accept the reality that in today's multifaceted world, it's especially easy for two people to grow apart.

Letting go of your marriage, if it's no longer fulfilling, can be the most successful thing you've ever done. Getting a divorce can be a positive, problem -solving, growth -oriented step.

It can be a personal triumph. Really? That kind of philosophy has trickled in to the church.

But what does the Bible say? And Malachi addresses it in chapter 2. Friends, may

I make this clear at the very beginning? We have many divorced people at Bethlehem Bible Church.

If you were divorced before you were saved, you're forgiven. It's under the blood. This message is not for your condemnation.

If you were divorced when you were saved, divorce is not the unforgivable sin, is it?

No, Jesus reserves that for a different sin. But can you imagine all your sins forgiven because Christ's life, he perfectly obeys and his death is adequate for every single sin.

It is sufficient. If you were biblically divorced, then there's biblical remarriage for you. And I personally know via my wife and my own life that God can work in and through and around situations of divorce.

God is generous and forgiving. But the issue today from the passage is, if you are married, stay married.

That's the issue and so that's what I'm going to preach. Now, some have said this passage in Malachi 2 is the most elevated passage in all the

Old Testament for marriage. It doesn't get any higher than this for an elevated view of the covenant of marriage in God's eyes.

And coming along with that, could there be a greater chastisement for those that will do things in an unbiblical fashion?

The writer of Malachi is essentially saying this in chapter 2. Since God's faithful, you be faithful.

Since God's loyal, you be loyal. Since God's dependable, you be dependable. And the way you treat other people reflects the way you treat

God. The first and the second great commandments, if you will, are related. To love God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength and love your neighbor as yourself.

And if you're not loving your neighbor as yourself, how in the world can you be loving God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength?

And so Malachi talks about the people and their faithlessness five times in this section verses 10 through 16.

Faithless. God's faithfulness is a cause for singing.

Shout joyfully to the Lord all the earth. Serve the Lord with gladness. Come before Him with joyful singing. Know that the

Lord Himself is God. It's He that made us and not ourselves. We're His people and the sheep of His pasture.

Enter His gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise. Give thanks to Him. Bless His name for the Lord is good.

His loving kindness is everlasting and His faithfulness to all generations. In God there is no variation or shifting shadow.

Well, let's pick it up in verse 10 of chapter 2 for a little review. As we see, these people are not in open rebellion against God.

They're not saying we're atheistic. They're not saying we're polytheistic. They're saying, just tell us what ritual to do.

Our heart's not in it. We have the appearance of godliness, but we want to just get by.

And it says in verse 10, have we not all one Father? Notice His preaching style even with questions.

It's like a bugle call, a wake -up call. Has not one God created us?

Then why are we faithless to one another, profaning the covenant of our Father? Fathers, Judah has been faithless and abomination has been committed in Israel and in Jerusalem.

For Judah has profaned the sanctuary of Yahweh, the Lord, which he loves, and has married the daughter of a foreign god.

So, the section starts off with the first thing that Malachi condemns, and he puts it in the category of abomination, and that is marrying an unbeliever.

Now, we could, of course, reflect as we're New Testament believers, don't be unequally what? Yoked, don't be bound with an unbeliever as 2

Corinthians 6 has implication for dating and marriage. And he asked the question to talk about family loyalty and how much more for the blood -bought

Christian for body life. If God makes the nation of Israel as His covenant nation, if He's the

Father of the nation through the Mosaic covenant to Israel, then that means if He's the

Father, we're all brothers and sisters, and so we should treat one another properly. It would bind our loyalties to one another if we had one father, and we do.

1 Kings 8, the covenant of the Lord that He has made with our fathers when He brought them out of Egypt, has nothing to do with the universal fatherhood of God and the brotherhood of men.

This has to do with don't marry outside the covenant community. The word abomination used for wicked evils like immorality and witchcraft and homosexuality, child sacrifice.

It's a big deal for the Israelites to marry outside the covenant community. And for us, we learned last time, summarized in 1

Corinthians 7 .39, a wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives, but if her husband dies, she's free to marry to whom she wishes only in the

Lord. Don't marry an unbeliever. It was true for the covenant nation of Israel, and it's true for any

Christian today. Secondly, and now we move into new territory, an area of unfaithfulness we want to avoid.

Israel should have avoided, and some don't avoid today in the local church. Avoid unbiblical divorce, verses 13 and following.

Verse 13, it's kind of nice in preaching when you know this happens to be the second point.

If you all gave a sermon outline, this would all be your second point. This has to be the second point, point number two.

And the second thing you do, it's almost like they're tied together. They could be divorcing their spouse so they could marry unbelievers.

Sin, as Matthew Henry said, is downhill. The second thing you do, you cover the Lord's altar with tears, with weeping and groaning because He no longer regards the offering or accepts it with favor from your hand.

But you say, why does He not? Because the Lord was witness between you and the wife of your youth to whom you have been faithless, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant.

We divorce our spouse, but then we will say, you know what, but there's kind of an indulgence we'll give.

And as long as we have the right sacrifice, God will accept our sin because we give Him a sacrifice, and they're weeping, they're wailing, they're groaning because God is chastening them.

Hey, we know we divorced unbiblically, but we made you a sacrifice, God. When David knew the sacrifices of God are a broken, what?

Spirit, a broken and contrite heart. Hey, we've done what you told us to do.

Why would you chasten us for an unbiblical divorce when we've given you the offering? Will the world ever learn?

Will Israel ever learn? Will the church ever learn that sheer external religiosity never pleases the

Lord? It's always what we do by faith in Christ Jesus for His sake because of what

He has done. Now, look how serious it was. Do you see some of the tender language found in verse 14?

To just show how serious it was for a husband to divorce a wife, he uses these phrases, wife of your youth, your companion, your wife by covenant.

It's a serious matter to divorce your spouse. And this is given primarily to husbands, but you'll see this is very applicable for wives as well.

I mean, marriage is wonderful, but we live in a sin -cursed world. Marriages aren't perfect because of sin.

Now, if the Bible says something, I can tell you to do it. Outside of that, I have no authority.

That's why you'll hear me say regularly in counseling, if I were you, I would. But once in a while,

I like to throw my proverbial weight around, and it's in premarital counseling, and here's how I do it. If you give me a budget,

I say this to the couple, and read these five books, I will show up to officiate your wedding. This is the law.

This is pastoral law. And one of the books I force them to read,

I make them to read, is When Sinners Say I Do. When Sinners Say I Do.

Because when you're married, you'll wake up with the worst sinner in the entire world every single day yourself.

So sin gets into God's created institution called marriage, and it becomes difficult.

This is a fallen world. Honeymoons fade. Bitterness can set in.

Trouble compounds. Health fails. Unforgiveness festers.

Seven -year itches are contemplated. Grass is greener.

And the list goes on and on. I just typed in in Google, top reasons for divorce. And these three ladies said, among other things, the number one

Google article, getting in for the wrong reasons, lack of individual identity, becoming lost in roles, not having shared vision of success, intimacy disappears, unmet expectations, finances, inability to resolve conflicts.

And the list goes on. Let's use these three tender terms for a spouse, a wife, for some biblical advice for every husband here from Malachi chapter 2.

Five reminders in verses 14, 15, and 16. Five reminders for every husband here.

And of course, they will apply to wives just on the flip side. But the emphasis here of Scripture is for the husbands, for the leaders, to help you not get divorced.

Reminder one. Right from the text in verse 14, remember that she, your wife, your spouse, is the wife of your youth.

You notice that in verse 14? Why does he not? Because the Lord is witness between you and the wife of your youth. I'm quite convinced that evangelicals have a problem.

And here's their number one problem. They don't read their Bibles enough. The second problem with evangelicals, if they do read their

Bibles, they read it too fast. They don't meditate. They don't chew on it. There's a good godly meditation.

And to just ponder and to think. And that's what I want to do with these words. The wife of your youth. I mean, it's like Malachi is saying to these men, transport yourself back in time.

Now, somebody did come up to me after the first service and say, we didn't get married till we were 43. Okay, I get that.

I said, that old? No, I didn't. But most people get married when they're younger.

And so he's using this language. You loved her when she was young, but now with the passing of time and sin involved, you're just jaded now.

She's the wife of your youth. Men, transport yourself back in time for a minute.

Do you remember when you first saw your wife? The first time you looked at her.

Just think about that for a second. That's the idea. You're thinking, I can't put up with this anymore. I can't live like this anymore.

Divorce is the only way out. And the writer here, Malachi, God's messenger.

She's the wife of your youth. Remember when you first saw her? Remember what you did to win her?

You would do whatever it took to win her. I'm listening to Teddy Roosevelt biography now in the car.

And when he first saw his... She wasn't his wife at the time. But the lady who would eventually be his wife,

I mean, for him, it was Climb Everest. It didn't matter. I will do anything to win that girl's affection.

How about this, men? When I think about this tender term, to not only protect your marriage, because it's good for society for men and women to be married.

It's good for your kids to be married. But it's a reflection of Jesus Christ and the church. Husbands, love your wives.

Just as what? Christ loved the church. It's all a reflection. Remember your thoughts when you first realized she liked you.

That was major in my mind. That was cataclysmic. That was seismic.

I like her, but does she like me? Remember when you first got married? Remember when you first saw her in her wedding dress?

Do you remember the honeymoon? Remember the honeymoon night? Remember when you first heard she was pregnant with your child?

With your first child? And your second child? And a couple I met in Branson, Missouri, your twelfth child?

I couldn't name the kids anymore. So I kind of did a Star Trek thing. I said the oldest one, I named him three of 14.

I just couldn't figure out his name anymore. Remember, that's the language here.

Divorce is so bad. Okay, just remember. Just transport yourself back and think about these things.

Because divorce is going to destroy it all. It's going to destroy it all. It's a betrayal of the wife of your youth.

Matthew Henry states, she's the wife of your youth who had your affections when they were the strongest.

When she was your first choice and with whom you've lived long. Let not the darling of your youth be the scorn and loathing of your old age.

Remember when she was the darling? And I could say to you husbands, what do you think you deserve in light of your sins?

You think you're that easy to live with? If I was on No Compromise Radio, I would say, if you don't like her looks, have you taken a look at yourself lately?

Oh, but this isn't the radio now, is it? Men, it's true.

It's a general statement. You get the wife you craft over 20 years. Oh, you say,

Mike, there's all kinds of grace issues and theological issues and Bible issues. That's true. But this is the wife that you have watered and fertilized and grown and led and influenced.

And you get the wife that you, you're the leader.

On the positive side, men, I hope you're thankful for your wives. I hope you say,

I love you. I can't live without you. You're the best. You're the cat's meow. I hope you're not the kind of husband that Mother's Day comes up and you go by the card and you just sign your name.

I know there's some of you like that. Don't do it. She's the wife of your youth.

Remember that day when you got married? Love believes all things.

Love hopes all things. It's more than just your marriage. If you're building your marriage on the shoulders of a marriage, it's going to cave in.

But as a reflection of Christ Jesus, Christ loving the church, sacrificially, willfully, totally, just as Christ loved the church,

He sacrificed everything to the point of death, even the death on a cross for her good.

The church is good. There's a reason why husbands are told in the scriptures, don't be bitter against your wives.

Number two, just using the text from Malachi. I don't want to do a marriage seminar with a bunch of psychology.

What does the Bible say? Don't forget she's the wife of your youth. The second reminder, she's your companion.

Don't get divorced. She was the wife of your youth and she's your companion. Do you see it in verse 14? Though she is your companion.

Only used here in all the Hebrew Bible for a wife. Shared interest, shared love, shared hopes and dreams and aspirations, a close friend.

Psalm 119, I'm a companion of all who fear you. Twice in the song of Solomon, companion, companion, a close one, a helper.

Daniel 2 .17, Daniel went into the house and made the manner known to Shadrach, no, excuse me, to Hananiah, Mishael and Azariah, his...

This is a word of complimenting. This one compliments this one.

Husbands and wife are to compliment one another. Turn to Genesis chapter two. I know you're thinking of helper, help meet.

When I was younger, I always wanted to know what a help meet was. Let's find out. Genesis chapter two, verse 18.

The stakes are high for marriage. Yes, for children. Yes, for the church. Yes, for society.

Yes, for the nation. But because it reflects Christ's love for his bride.

And God doesn't stop loving. You ought to have a high view of God's salvation, sovereignty of salvation, a reformed view of salvation, five solas, because that's how

Christ loves the church. She will persevere in light of his love.

Genesis chapter two, verse 18. This companion, this helper language is found way back in Genesis.

Isn't this cool? Then the Lord God said, it is not good that the man should be alone. I will make him a helper fit for him.

And then every other time the word helper is used in the Bible, the Hebrew Old Testament, it's used of God.

This has nothing to do with subservient, footstool. This word helper does not mean unequal.

It can't be. It's used of God later. This means an ideal partner, a companion.

That's what this means. Remember, she was your companion. This word helper could be used of military reinforcements.

She's helped you. She's been your companion. To hold you up, to crutch you up, to reinforce you.

And if you look at the text, a helper fit for him. That's also language of companionship.

Fit. It means according to the opposite of him. He is one way.

She's the exact opposite. She compliments. She's an appropriate companion.

One person says she's just right. Friends, let's make it practical. By the way,

I do one practical sermon a year, and then we get back to doctrine, right? So this is it. But as the

Puritans would say, all doctrine is practical, and all practice is doctrine. They relate. The word fit there means complimentary, just right.

She's listened to you. She's the right one sovereignly picked by God for you. She's helped you.

Hasn't she guided you, respected you, preferred you, sacrificed for you, met your needs, prayed for you, loved you, submitted to you, come alongside of you.

She's been your companion. And now you're just going to say, I've had enough. May God forbid.

She's been an indispensable part of your life and ministry and marriage, a true joint heir. She's raised the children.

She's taken care of your home. She's your partner and equal to you. Indispensable.

Proverbs 31. Who shall find a virtuous woman? For such a one is more valuable than precious stones.

She's valuable. She's precious. She's been your companion in life. Proverbs 31 goes on.

For she employs all her living for her husband's good. And she does it because you're one flesh.

You're complementing one another. And when she does something good for you, the whole family benefits. Divorce.

No wonder God hates divorce. The theology of one flesh.

Stay here in Genesis. But let me just read you part of the verse from Malachi 4, number 3.

A third reminder. She's the wife of your youth. She's your companion. And she's your wife by covenant.

This is the most important one. The text says in Malachi, don't go there because we want to hang out in Genesis 2 still.

She's your wife by covenant. Friends, your marriage is a covenant.

You, your spouse, and almighty God. That's the idea.

The idea harkens back to Genesis when Jacob said to his kinsmen, gather stones.

They made a heap and they ate there by the heap. The Lord watch between you and me when we are out of one another's sight.

If you oppress my daughters or you take wives besides other daughters, although no one is with us,

God is witness between you and me. There's a covenant.

Spouse, husband, spouse, the wife, and God. I love the common book of prayer marriage ceremony invocation in the 1500s.

Dearly beloved friends, we are gathered together here in the sight of God.

That's covenant language. And in the face of this congregation to join together this man and this woman in holy matrimony, which is an honorable estate.

In Malachi, God is acting as a witness to these men who are divorcing their spouses. Solomon, when he warns his son, don't run off with some loose moral woman, a forbidden woman,

Proverbs 2, from an adulteress with their smooth words. She forsakes the companion of her youth and forgets the covenant of her

God. Same language of Malachi, loyal to your covenant commitments.

Did you know when you said, till death do us part, I do, God witnessed that covenant.

So this is all good to just rehearse and refresh. I hope you like to go to weddings. I love to go to them.

And I love to go to them. And I say to myself, deep down, God, I'm renewing my vows.

I almost said wows. I almost was pronouncing wows and vows.

If you traveled between Germany and India, you're never going to get your vocabulary right. Vows, wows.

And I love to just say to Kim afterwards, till death do us part. The common book of prayer says, the man will say,

I take thee to be my wedded wife to have and to hold from this day forward for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish till death do us part.

According to God's holy ordinance and thereto, I plight thee my troth. Covenant language.

The woman will say, I take thee to be my wedded husband to have and to hold from this day forward for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish and to obey till death us part.

According to God's holy ordinances and thereto, I give thee my troth. The man will say, with this ring,

I thee wed. With my body, I thee worship. And with all my worldly goods, I thee endow.

In the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Ghost, amen. That's covenant language.

The minister will have them join their right hands together and they shall say, excuse me, and he shall say, those whom

God has joined together, let no man put asunder. Asunder. Then the minister shall speak to the people.

For as much as these two have consented together in holy wedlock and have witnessed the same before God and thy company, thereto have given and pledged their troth either to a other.

It's the old English. And have declared the same by giving and receiving of a ring. And by joining of hands,

I pronounce that they be man and wife together. More covenant language in the name of the

Father, of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost, amen. And when you commit your life for better or for worse, that's exactly what you do.

The union of a man and a woman designed by God is to be a covenant. And if you take a look at chapter 2 of Genesis verse 24, you'll see some of this language.

This language is punctuated by covenant language. The covenant of marriage.

Leave, hold fast, one flesh, bone of my bones.

That's all covenant language. Let me read it and then discuss those. Genesis 2, 23.

Let's pick it up there. Then the man said, this is, or this at last is bone of my bones, flesh of my flesh.

She shall be called woman because she was taken out of man. Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

I draw your attention to the leave language. That's covenant language. God said to Joshua after Moses dies, just as I was with Moses, so I will be with you.

I will not leave you nor forsake you. That's covenant language. Therefore, be strong and courageous.

Hold fast is covenant language. She'll hold fast to him, Deuteronomy 10.

And even the formula, bone of bone and flesh of flesh type of things. Bone of my bones, flesh of my flesh.

Does this sound familiar? Second Samuel 5, 1. Then all the tribes of Israel came to David and Hebron and said, behold, we are your bone and flesh.

Covenant language. So God has a covenant. That covenant is marriage.

Once again, I'm not saying you are not forgiven if you've got a divorce in your past or you've done

X, Y, and Z. I'm moving forward now and I'm talking to you directly from the scriptures.

If you are married, you may not get a divorce unless there'd be biblical grounds. Your unbelieving spouse, 1

Corinthians 7, wants to leave. That's one of the two biblical grounds. The second biblical ground, if there's been immorality.

But those aren't discussed here. Here's what's discussed in Malachi. Hey, we want all your blessings.

And why is the tap water turned off of the hose of your blessings? Because we've done the right things externally.

And friends, even for us, I could ask you the question. Your fidelity to your spouse is linked to your spiritual well -being.

True or false? The answer is true. You cannot rise higher in your love for the

Lord than can you loving your spouse. That'd be a good question to ponder this week.

How about this? 1 Peter 3, 7. Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they're heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

For the husband who doesn't live with his wife in an understanding way, for the husband who doesn't show honor to his wife, prayers hindered, consequences for hurting covenant of marriage.

God watches over. Fourth, let's go back to Malachi, please.

We've got two more and we need to wrap this up. Reminder number four, so that you don't get divorced.

She's the wife of your youth. She's your companion. She's your wife by covenant. And of course, all these would be wonderful for wives to apply.

Number four, remember the purpose of marriage. Remember the purpose of marriage.

Malachi 2 .15. Did he not make them one?

This is a very difficult verse to translate and interpret along with verse 16.

But certainly it's theologically correct. Many scholars think that this is an allusion to Genesis 2 as well.

Does God not make them one with a portion of the spirit in their union?

One man called this verse hopelessly obscure. Another said unintelligible. But I think the subject of verse 15 is

God and the object one is one flesh. It seems like it's hearkening back to Genesis again.

Now, let me put it in very simple terms to think through. Did God have enough power to make two wives for Adam?

Ten wives, 20 wives, 700 wives and 300 concubines. Or as the kids like to say, porcupines.

This is one flesh. God makes them one, the one flesh of marriage.

I don't think it's that obscure. Could have given Adam lots of wives. The spirit has enough power to create the universe.

He has enough power to make another wife out of another rib. It's one flesh.

God creates marriage. It's his idea and it was his idea. One man with one woman.

We're going to talk about that next week as I address the gay marriage issue. And what should you do? God brings the first woman to the man from the man.

This is very similar to the teaching of Jesus in Mark 10. But from the beginning of creation, God made them male and female.

Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife. And the two shall become one flesh.

So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.

And in the house, the disciples asked him again about this matter. And he said to them, whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her.

And if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery. If there's been no biblical divorce, there's no biblical remarriage.

It's simply adultery. Number five, found in verse 15 and then 16 is the exhortation.

Remember the children. Remember the children. Verse 15, there are many purposes to marriage, companionship, pleasure.

Here's another one, children. And what was this one God seeking? Yes. And what was the one

God seeking? Godly offspring. The divorce is going to hurt the children.

And if you're newlywed and you don't have children, there's not going to be children at all.

He's seeking godly offspring. Wasn't that the divine command from God to the first couple?

Be fruitful and increase, fill the earth and subdue it? The answer is yes.

So then he gives an exhortation. Verse 15, so guard yourselves in your spirit.

And let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth. Guard your spirits.

And I'll tell the men this right now, guard your eyes on the internet. It's faithlessness.

It is visual adultery to be on the internet and engage in pornography. It's not going to help you feel closer to your wife.

It's not going to bond the covenant of marriage to be closer. It's antithetical to that.

And whether you look online or you look at another woman at the office, what's the text say? So guard, take heed, keep watch.

The Hebrew word is preserve. The Greek translation of the Old Testament is, it's language of military fortress.

Put a fort up and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth.

For the man, verse 16, who does not love his wife, literally hates his wife, but divorces her, says the

Lord, the God of Israel, covers his garment with violence, says the Lord of hosts. So guard yourselves in your spirit and do not be faithless.

He says it again. Friends, it is inevitable that marital infidelity just doesn't happen.

Divorce just doesn't happen. To use my old pastor's terminology, if you fall out of a tree, you've had to climb up that tree first.

And you climb up the divorce tree by not living with your wife in an understanding way, not forgiving her, not getting rid of the bitterness that the

Bible talks about, not loving her sacrificially, looking at other women, flirting with other women, looking at pornography.

The list goes on and on and on. There's a reason why elders in the church should be one -woman men.

And I hate to quote pop culture, but I'll do it. I only have eyes for you.

That's the idea. I've only got eyes for you. Take heed. The root of your problems with your marital fidelity is a spiritual issue.

Why does he say that? Take heed in your spirit or your heart. Why? Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flows the spring of life.

And it has nothing to do with how she looks or how she cooks or what she does or what she doesn't do. You are to love the church,

Jesus the Father says, not because they're lovable, but because I'm honored that way.

And of course, our Lord Jesus did that. While we are yet sinners, Christ died for us. Guard yourselves.

Guard yourselves. Now, this is a hard one to translate as well. You probably know the

King James. And of course, NAS translates it this way. And most every other Bible translates it following the

KJV from 1611. I hate divorce. Most everyone translates it like that.

Putting the focus on God hates divorce, but He doesn't hate divorcees. Now, there are two really legitimate ways to do it.

You could translate it that. And God does hate divorce. But conservative scholars equally agree.

And the ESV has cited on this way for the man who does not love his wife.

They toned it down a little bit. For the man hates his wife and divorces her.

So, see, there the focus is God's hating the man who divorces. King James says he's hating divorce.

So, you see the troubles. You see what's going on there with these two translations. The ESV has a nice study note at the bottom so you can study both.

But in either case, God has a standard for the covenant of marriage.

And it reflects His Son either poorly or wonderfully. One man, one woman before Almighty God in the covenant account of marriage.

Based on the creation account. And you see that metaphor there covers

His garment with violence. Maybe that's cause and effect. Maybe divorce is violence against the victim.

We know God doesn't want divorce. Guarding your heart in the covenant of marriage.

If you got a horrible marriage, husbands, today's the day by the grace of God to start loving your wives.

Wives, the converse is true for you. Husbands, Paul said, love your wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave

Himself up for her. So that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the

Word. That He might present to Himself the church in all her glory. No spot or wrinkle or any such thing.

But that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands, you ought to love your wives as your own bodies.

He who loves his own wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh. But nourishes and cherishes it just as Christ also does the church.

Because we are members of His body. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife.

And the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is great. But I'm speaking with reference to Christ and the church.

Nevertheless, each individual among you is to love his own wife even as himself. And the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.

God did not create marriage and say, by the way, that's an excellent illustration of Jesus' love for the church.

In eternity past, He knew the Father would send Him to love the church.

And marriage is the secondary afterglow illustration of God's love for His people, the elect.

Let's pray. Father, I thank You for this passage, for this text. I pray that You do great things at Bethlehem Bible Church.

I pray, Father, that if anyone here is contemplating divorce, I pray that You would grant them repentance.

I pray, Father, that those that are here who are divorced, and some have been biblically divorced,

I pray we would never be self -righteous people, looking at them like it would be beyond us to do anything.

Some are divorced many years ago. Some are in difficult situations, unbelieving spouses.

Father, You know all these things. And for all of us, You have given us Your Spirit as believers, that we have

His fruit, love and joy and peace. And Father, we want to be faithful.

You're faithful. Great is Thy faithfulness. I pray that You repair the damages that have been done through bad leaders, bad followers.

God, You're just so gracious. As we read Ephesians today, rich in mercy. We need Your mercy. Great in grace.

We need Your grace. And Father, I just pray that when the people in our neighborhoods and the people who notice us as a church would see us, they'd see men loving their wives, and then we would tell them about how