A WOW Moment - Vicki, Jordan and Carissa

You do have to speak kind of loud. I'll introduce you. You might need to close the door. The sound won't go out the door.

That was smart of you. I'm useful for some things. And then...

I'll give a little bio of what I know about you. I'll ask you what your verses that you want to study.

And then you'll say it. And then I'll ask Mercedes to read it. And then you just go with whatever you want. Cool, cool.

You can literally put your feet right here. I just killed her.

I just killed Mercedes. I also have a sinus infection.

Did you put your feet in her face? No. I said I'm sitting on them so that I was trying to hide them.

I told her it was fine. I'm trying to hide them.

Did you not change your socks? It's fine. Do you not always carry everything in your car?

I have a pair of socks in my car. Do you have a pair of socks in your car? No, I don't carry anything in my car anymore.

Because... This is the why. When my car got stolen, I lost a lot of things because they threw it out the window.

Alright! I love that story. I literally love that story.

You know, I used to do makeup. I used to get paid to do makeup. And I had just left a client's house the day before.

And so all my makeup was in the car. $800 worth.

And they threw it out the window. Well, thank the Lord that you were not in the car. Oh, she was.

She jumped in the car. Between you and Regan, y 'all have the best stories.

Regan's over here hitting pedestrians. Troy? Troy. I think about Troy all the time.

I'm like, poor Troy. Poor Troy. Alright, let's get started because people are probably wondering what in the world we're doing.

Hi, guys! We're running a little late. Sorry. I broke a nail. Had to get it fixed. I've been running like a chicken with my head cut off.

But hey, we're here. And we're live. And we have everybody with us tonight.

We're trying to get Jordan involved. And you see how involved she is. She's got us going already.

She hasn't stopped since we've been here. Since I've been here. Although when I walked in, she was very quiet.

It's been a day. I know. I've had a day too. I think we've all had a week.

I think we've all had a week. It's just been a week. The one day you have a good day.

The one day. You had a good day? Yeah, my day's been fine. That's why everybody else is.

Alright, well tomorrow I'm going to have a good day. So let's see if you have a bad day. Have you ever noticed that when everybody's good and you're bad and when everybody's bad, you're good?

I'm like, what is going on here? Well, alrighty. Tonight, I want to thank you all for joining us in our

Bible study. If I can keep the two on the couch quiet through this Bible study, we'll be doing really good.

Are we in here with them two? We start cracking jokes. I don't ever get a chance.

When we're in the car, we start cracking jokes. I'm just driving. Halftime, she's laughing.

Don't let her lie. So, tonight we are very blessed and honored to have

Ms. Carissa Stroud with us. Carissa, welcome to A WOW Moment. Thanks for coming and joining us for our

Bible study. Hunter. I was about to call you Hunter.

Actually, I think I did call you Hunter. Carissa's engaged to a young man here at the church and his name is

Hunter. So, Hunter, if you're watching. Sorry, Hunter. She doesn't look anything like you,

I'm sorry. Thank God for that. It'd be a little concerning. They have been a member here at Witten for almost a year, she says.

But, Carissa, I believe you've grown up in church. Yeah, you can say that.

So, now you're at Witten. Yeah. What an eye -opener it is.

Oh, very much so. It is, but it's a good eye -opener. It's a brutal eye -opener.

Yeah. Some of it stings, you know. Yeah, like cuts deep.

In a good way, but like it cuts deep. Right, because you're thinking you're doing alright. And then they're going, no, you're not.

You're so funny, you're so full of it. We're having a conversation.

They're having a conversation. But anyways, you thought you were doing good.

This was the same way. No. But she did grow up in church, too.

I mean, you went to church when you were younger. It's true, when we all got here, in me, actually, the age that I was when

I got here, I was like, I've been doing it wrong the whole time. Well, there was a brief, well, it was like four years where I purposely was doing bad on purpose.

That's in your own testimony. We don't have time for that right now. No, we do not. We're here all day.

We'd be here all night. All my stories, they're just long. For whatever reason,

I've always wondered that about myself. She talks all the time. I don't need to sing. Y 'all didn't hear that.

We're not gonna repeat that either. So, anyways, yes, Carissa is, her and her fiancé became members together and will be married in...

You're on the right path. August? August. I was gonna say November, but that's

Reagan. Reagan and Austin are November. That's funny because my first marriage, I got married in August, and Scott, my second marriage,

I got married in November. I went and tanned before this. I really shouldn't have. I'm hot. I'm sorry.

It's really hot in here. It's really not hot in here. I went and laid in a tanning bed for eight minutes.

So, anyways, we've asked Carissa to pick a verse or scripture or verses or passages.

We've gone from just one verse to where we've gone from one book of the

Bible to another book of the Bible because our studies have become very in -depth with a lot of different people.

And when they want to bring something out or when they feel like the Lord's laid something on their heart, then it can be in one area of the

Bible, but then again, it can be somewhere else. So, they bring it all to the table. So, we're used to hopping around.

If that doesn't happen, usually, Mercedes has us hopping around anyway. So, it's okay. It's all good.

Well, I have a second verse if you want to add it eventually. The other one is this one. So, anyway, so tonight, what is the passage or verse that you picked?

Genesis 16, verses 1 -13. Verses 1 -13.

Actually, 1 -14. Plus the 1 -14. Let's do that, Mercedes. Make sure to speak loudly, please.

1 -14. 1 -14. I got you.

I'm going to need you to hush. You're going out in the hall, man. What did you want? Me? I'm so sorry.

What did Jordan do? I don't know. She's laughing in my ear. You're about to read scripture, so I've got to concentrate.

Okay. My foot's falling asleep. Hold on a minute. I'm moving it down.

Oh, okay. I'm ready. Okay, ready. Is that Sarah or Sarah?

Sarah. Alright. Abraham's wife, Sarah, was not born had not born any children for him, but she owned an

Egyptian slave owned an Egyptian slave named Hagar. Sarah said to Abraham, Since the

Lord has prevented me from bearing children, go to my slave. Perhaps through her I can build a family.

And Abraham agreed to what Sarah said. So Abraham's wife, Sarah, took

Hagar, her Egyptian slave, and gave her to her husband Abraham as a wife for him. This happened after Abraham had lived in the land of Canaan ten years.

He slept with Hagar, and she became pregnant. When she realized she was pregnant, she treated her mistress with contempt.

Then Sarah said to Abraham, You're responsible for my suffering. I put my slave in your arms, and ever since she saw that she was pregnant, she has treated me with contempt.

May the Lord judge between me and you. Abraham replied to Sarah, Here, your slave is in your hands.

Do whatever you want with her. Then Sarah mistreated her so much that she ran away from her.

The angel of the Lord found her by a spring of water in the wilderness. The spring on the way to Shur.

He said, Hagar, slave of Sarah, where have you come from, and where are you going? She replied,

I'm running away from my mistress, Sarah. Then the angel of the Lord said to her, You must go back to your mistress and submit to her mistreatment.

The angel of the Lord also said to her, I will greatly multiply your offspring, and they will be too many to count.

Then the angel of the Lord said to her, You have conceived and will have a son. You will name him

Ishmael, for the Lord has heard your cry of affliction. This man will be like a wild donkey.

His hand will be against everyone, and everyone's hand will be against him. He will live at odds with all his brothers.

So she called the Lord who spoke to her, the God who sees.

For she said, In this place I have actually seen the one who sees me. Have I actually seen the one who sees me?

That is why she named the spring a well of the living one who sees me. It is located between Kadesh and Bereth.

So, why did you pick this? Well, I was reading it through, and we've all heard the story of Sarah, Hagar, Abram, and the whole situation that happened.

But when I was reading through it this time, I kind of looked at it from Hagar's perspective and as she's this woman.

And so, then I was like, okay, we'll need some context. So, we know the covenant that was made. God said,

I'm gonna give you children, you just have to be patient with me. And, so I was like, okay, so this whole thing happened.

And I was like, Hagar was her slave at this time, but back then, they were like family. I mean, this was her family.

She wasn't, you know, she wasn't their kid or whatever, but she was considered to be part of their family. And I was like, okay, well, this is her family.

She looks at them with love. And, you know, she serves them and she does what she can for them, but she loves them. And so, as I continued reading,

I was, you know, 10 years. I mean, she had to be there for 10 years with these people. That's a long time to be with somebody.

And so, then you go through so much with them. You know, you can see the good, the bad, and the ugly.

And I was like, okay, 10 years. That's a long time. And I was like, so she was with them for 10 years.

That means she probably knew what the covenant that God gave Abram. She had to have known. Because you think, people talk, especially if this is her, you know, this is

Sarah's, you know, main servant. This is probably like her confidant. So, you're thinking that, let's just paint the picture kind of.

You're thinking that Abram went to Sarah and was telling her, well, God's told me this, this, and this.

And so, Sarah went to Hagar. Sarah maybe told Hagar or heard.

Because they're like, they're family. They're close. They went like this. 10 years. So, you know, she probably knew the covenant that was made.

And so, you know, Sarah being as faithless as she was, was like,

I don't trust that. So, you can take Hagar. Well, in Hagar's mind, she still knew. She knew, hey, well, you made this promise to God.

Or God made this promise to you. But yet, because she loved them, and she was their servant, she did it anyways.

And, you know, for myself, I look back on my life, and I was like, you know, I knew, I maybe didn't know what

God had planned for me. But I knew God had a plan. But the people that I loved wanted me to do something else.

And so I stepped out of that, you know, the path that I was supposed to be on, because I wanted to please the people that loved me.

And I wanted their love back. And so in my brain, I'm thinking, okay, well, if I do what they asked me to do, they're going to love me.

And they're going to be grateful to me. And I'm going to get the praise and the love that I so desperately want.

And so my brain, I'm kind of thinking, you know, I look back on my life, and I was Hagar in that situation. But then it continues on.

She did what happened to her. She got pregnant. It's what Sarah wanted. And then

Sarah hated her. And it's like, you know, how many times in our life do we do things for other people because they've asked us to do it?

And we do it out of love. And we think, yeah, God's way is better. And, you know, He made this promise to us.

But this is what you want me to do, so I'm going to do it. And then we get blamed for it when it doesn't go how we want it to.

When it doesn't go the way that they expected it to go. Yeah. And so then they're like, well, this is your fault.

Because you did it. And Hagar did it. She did what she was asked. And Sarah's like,

I hate you now. Like, you slept with my husband, and now you have a baby with my husband. And she wanted that.

She wanted to have the baby with him. And I was her husband, so probably jealousy there. Not just because of the baby, because she slept with her husband.

And so she hated her. Were you about to say that? I was in agreement with what she just said.

And so, you know. So you felt like that he was kind of although it doesn't say it, but with her being pregnant, he probably did kind of enjoy it a little bit.

But, I mean, something has to happen there. You know, he probably tried to take care of her more.

You know what I'm saying? Like, more attention. More, yeah. And there's probably many times when people have read it, and they see

Hagar as the bad person, when in reality she did not have a choice being a slave.

Right. I mean, what's a slave gonna do? He said, no, I'm not gonna do that. Yeah. So there's probably like a lot of people that have always looked at her and been bitter about it when reading this.

Because, you know, sometimes people, we've been talking about this in sermons where the accounts that are written in the

Bible have been taken as like stories. Right. So people are always portrayed in ways that they are not.

Yeah. And I always remembered Hagar being portrayed as like the good guy and the bad guy. Sarah was the good guy.

She was heartbroken. Hagar was the bad guy because she got pregnant. The mistress. Well, the husband. Poor Sarah. Yeah.

When in reality, it's Sarah was just bitter and jealous and Hagar is stuck in an awkward situation.

Well, you know, it's just like Preza said, though. I mean, you know, you have family.

What do you think about family? Like people in your life that you, you know, you consider family. Not family, but people you consider to be close with.

Or family. Yeah. And, you know, you want to make them happy.

You want to please them. But, you know, my daddy always used to say, if all your friends jump off the bridge, you're going to jump off the bridge, too.

I think you've said that to me a couple of times. I think I have said that to you before.

What did you say? I said my mom would say that to me and I'd just say, yeah, I've had a bungee cord. Oh, gosh. The bad thing was

I was the one that went first. Vicki asked me that question because I told her I was speeding because everyone else was speeding and she's like, so, if your friends jump off a bridge, would you jump off a bridge with them?

I was like, well, how high is the bridge? You're the one that got the ticket. Yeah, I got the ticket.

In case you guys were wondering, the woman was talking about the girl getting the ticket. That was me. That was me. Oh, I did tell that story.

You did tell that story. You were like, I was having dinner with somebody and I was like, oh, Vicki just called me out. Sure did.

She does that. It's fun. Multiple times a year. Oh, I did do that.

I forget. I think it was with Jeremiah. I mean, it was used.

Anyways, so, and then you continue reading on and she did what any human being would do. She ran from her situation.

Oh, cool. Oh, I don't know. Would anyone do that? I mean, who knew? Facing our problems?

What is that? Why even bother? Just ignore it. It's so much easier.

This is not something you can ignore, though. Nine months you're going to be stuck like this. And then 18 years after that.

Even longer, actually. So, um, and then the next two verses are like where kind of God was like,

Carissa, read this. And it says the angel of the Lord found her. Um, that is, at least in my

Bible, it's in all capitals. Yeah, it's in Christophany. So, like, when I see all capitals,

I think Yahweh. And I'm like, oh my gosh, Yahweh went down into the wilderness to find this woman.

This unmarried, pregnant woman in the middle of the wilderness, Yahweh came down into the wilderness.

And, side note, I didn't even know that the capitals meant Yahweh and Caesar to come in here. And so now, anytime I see it,

I get excited. Yeah. I get so excited to read it. It's like, oh my gosh, this is like God himself. Um, and so I was reading that, and I was like, how many times we put ourselves in this wilderness?

And, like, I was reading this, and I'm like, you know, I'm imagining this pregnant, battered, broken woman just sitting in the dirt by herself, alone, crying.

That's how, like, I mean, I don't know if that's how it happened, but that's kind of how I picture it in my brain. And it's like, how many times do we send ourselves out into the wilderness alone, just by ourselves in misery, because it's easier for us to do it that way.

It's easier for us to just run away and hide, and then we think. Well, we think.

That's not how it works, and it sucks like that, but, I mean, that's what we think. And then God himself comes down, and it's like, hey,

I'm here. And that's also what I love about our God, is he's so personal. Like, I was listening to a podcast the other day, this is totally off topic, but they were talking about Buddhism, and they were talking about how, like,

Buddhists save up their entire lives to go to this mountain and pray to their God, because they can only do it, because it's so expensive, they can only do it once in their lifetime.

And it's like, I can be in my car driving, and I can talk to my God. Anytime, anywhere.

I mean, I can do anything I want, and then these people spend their entire savings to go pray to their

God once in their life. Well, you know, there are so, there are so many different, what's the word

I'm looking for, that calls, they call as money.

What's that one? It's like Christian, but it's basically only money.

I don't know if it's any church nowadays. I mean, you can go to any church, and that's their main topic.

How much money are you going to give this week? Right. Oh, there's a lot.

What is that one then? I know, the Joel. What is that church? The Joel.

It's like copyright. I don't know. It's like a church of something.

I don't have a clue. I don't remember what it's about. You know, like you were talking about, you pictured her broken and battered and just down in the dumps.

That's basically, at that time, that's when

God reaches out. When we are the most broken, the most battered, the most bruised, you know, because that's when we're most vulnerable, and that's when we actually, when that help happens, we then start seeking it.

Well, that, and if we waited until the perfect moment, we're not broken. There would never be a problem.

Everything's okay. You don't feel like you need anything at that point. Well, that, and I guess for me,

I don't know, maybe my life's just always falling apart, but I would be waiting. It's a pan. I would be waiting forever because there's never a perfect moment.

There's never a time where I'm just going, okay, everything's together. I don't have to wait on something else.

It's like, now I can talk to God. Now we can do this right. Before our conversion, Scripture says there isn't, no one seeks

Him, not one. He seeks us all. That's why

I said it first, Isaiah 65. Really? Yes. He comes after you.

That's why all of you young ladies, so many of y 'all have come to me and you say things like, not you, you're one of the few that didn't come to me and say, why did this happen to me?

I think that's a good thing. We just talked about... It was me she talked about.

I didn't throw anybody under the bus that time. The thing is that what you have to do is, and most people ask that because they don't know that their testimony is being written at that time.

If you don't have a testimony to give on what the

Lord's done for you, then what are you going to share with people? If He's not actually worked in your life in some way, shape, form, or fashion, then how are you going to share it?

A lot of people think their testimony stops at salvation. Oh no, no, that's where it really starts getting good.

I was telling somebody last night, everything that you go through, literally everything as a

Christian that you go through, is part of your testimony. And that testimony is there to help other people through their craft.

There's a verse in Ephesians too, and it's like you're being built in Christ. And I have that verse underlined in my

Bible so many times. I have the word being because it's present tense. It's not you've been or you will be, it's you're being.

That's my favorite verse in the entire Bible. It's my favorite book. It really is such a good book. The moments where I feel like I can't be used.

I just can't be used. I'm being built. My story isn't over every day.

Like you said, my testimony is continuing every day. I'm a lot older than all of y 'all, and mine is still going from day to day.

And a lot of it has to do with working with young women like y 'all because...

She's saying we're screwed up a little bit. Well, no, because it actually... It actually helps me because I mess up.

I mean, every day I mess up. There's not a day that doesn't go by that I don't mess up somehow in some way. An hour?

Yeah. Well, I may go an hour because I'm asleep. I totally don't.

But, I mean, it happens, and it's going to happen. And the thing is that instead of running into the wilderness, it's best just to hit your knees and say, what do you want me to do?

What am I supposed to do? Show me the way. And I'll tell you, if you ever pick up this book to study it, back before I was so busy all the time,

I had a whole lot of time, and I did a lot of studying. And I always made sure that before I opened my

Bible, that I prayed. Because I didn't have a clue of what

I needed to study. Not a clue. But I asked the Lord to just... I asked the

Lord just to show me, Lord, what do I need? What are you trying to teach me? What do I need to learn? What are you trying to put in me?

What do I need to share with somebody? Show me something. And normally, it was like spot on.

Spot on. But you have to be open. You have to be open.

And you can't be... You can't have your mind focused on something that you're wanting to do.

You have to be completely free. Jeremiah sent me this song this morning, because we were having a conversation outside about some things that I've been dealing with.

And it was called Make Room, because you said be open. And I listened to it. And I was like,

I want this to be my prayer. Every day, I want this to be my prayer. Because it was like, God, make room in me and use me.

And I was like... I know recently, I've just been struggling with myself and not feeling like I'm doing enough.

And I kind of like... For a minute, I'm like, God, you're not giving me an opportunity to use. And I'm like, okay, Carissa, you need to chill out here.

You need to realize you're the one. You're not doing your part. And until you do your part, you can't be used.

And He'll give you the strength. You know what's cool? Reading in chapter 17, you know, even though Abram and Sarah decided they were going to do...

they were going to try to speed the process along, you know, God still remained faithful in His covenant with them.

He established it between them saying that I will multiply you greatly.

I will make you a father of many nations. You will be fruitful. Even though sometimes we decide we're going to do things our way because God's not quite fast enough.

Instant gratification. Wow, really? He still holds true to His word even though you decided to do things your own way.

You're just going to have to wait. Yeah, that's true. I think sometimes God makes us wait longer because He's trying to prove to us that He will be faithful in His own time, but He's also trying to teach us patience at the same time and let us grow in that faith that we're supposed to have and that we do have as Christians.

You know, because if we're like, God, I'm on a clock, are you really showing faith then? Are you really showing patience then?

I don't feel like you are. I didn't for 17 years. And that's me preaching to myself because I'm bad about that.

I didn't for 17 years. I was like, I'm just done with this. I'm just fed up. And finally,

I finally just said, here it is. When you get done kicking and screaming and saying, you know what

God, not my will but your will, all of a sudden things start falling into place. Right. I've done it a couple times.

You've said it? Yeah. But going back on strength, like talking about having strength.

Okay, I will. Going back. I'm talking about strength.

I guess, so today, I didn't have like the best of day.

I had a friend that I've known for quite a long time, pass away.

He was very young. And I've had a lot of friends. I've had 10 friends since I've graduated pass away.

And today I was talking with someone and we were talking about it and usually when

I grieve, I don't allow myself to grieve. What I do is basically distract myself so I do not have to feel that pain.

And he told me, strength is not how you handle the situation, but you continuing to move forward through the situation.

So, even though it may take you longer or you don't move as quick as you think you are, but the fact that you are moving forward in the situation instead of staying still or hiding or whatever else, that is what makes you stronger.

And that's what Hagar had to do. She had to go back to them and just And he even said you have to go back and what does it say?

Oh my gosh. Return and submit to mistreatment. Sometimes we have to go back to the situation we are running from even though it's a painful situation.

Like there have been multiple times in my life where I ran because it was easier to run and then my sin found me out when

I ran. That's my whole life. Like, I mean, it's like I'm running as fast as I can away from this sin and God says you're so funny if you think that's not going to catch up to you.

That's my whole life. And then it's like, okay, now I have to go back and deal with it even though that situation is going to be hard and it's going to hurt.

But then I came out of it on the other side and that's when I came here. Like I literally hit rock bottom when

I came here. Like my sin was all over everywhere. Girl, everybody hits rock bottom when they come here.

I mean, they hit the bottom of the food chain when they come here. And so, you know,

I think it's not always and I think it's where strength comes into play. Sometimes we have to say, God, give me strength to go back.

Not just give me strength to do your will but also give me strength to go back to the situation that I came from because I don't want to go back.

And handle it, yeah. Apologizing. Having to go back.

Oh my gosh. And I'm talking about something that happened when

I came here. I had to, one of my things that I had to do as a goal was apologize to three people that she had done wrong.

And these are not like three people that I still talk to. These are three people one of them hadn't talked to in a year and a half.

The other one hadn't talked to You told me about this. And the other one I hadn't talked to in like another one or a little less than a year.

No. It was right at a year. And then someone I hadn't talked to in a couple months.

And I had to apologize to all three of them.

I didn't have to. Clearly if I wanted to I could have just ignored the situation. You could have ran.

Yeah, I could have ran. But I didn't. I knew when one of the people were not going to respond and she was one of the people

I desperately wanted to answer but she didn't and I still have to talk to her but that's a different story.

You put it out there. I put it out there. One of them I actually got to witness to, well really both of them

I got to witness to, but one of them actually thanked me and was like you know,

I've honestly beat myself up about it for so long and basically they were saying

I know I did you wrong but it also feels good for you to at least apologize to me and to know that you have accepted my apology and forgiven me.

I had a friend like that when a whole bunch of stuff happened like a year and a half two years ago and I was in the wrong and he called me and just went off on me and was like I can never forgive you, we can't be friends anymore,

I can't associate myself with you and I became so angry because I was like, I didn't want to admit that I was in the wrong first and that I caused,

I mean his reaction wasn't okay but I had to remember that my hurt, that what I did hurt him and so he responded the way he did and so I was so angry,

I was like you call yourself a Christian and you can't forgive me and I was like I'm a Christian and I got a big head at this time and I had to go and he came, it was a whole thing but then

I had to go to him and I had to like, I'm sorry and I had to like genuinely, because for so long

I was just so bitter and angry with him because we had grown up together, we were best friends and he had talked to me the way he did and I was like,

I had to go back and say I'm sorry that I hurt you I'm sorry that I lied to you, I'm sorry that I continued to lie to you and and in the end

I also got the apology like I got an apology back of saying I'm sorry I reacted the way I did and that was kind of my situation was

I apologized to someone that did me wrong but I apologized for how I reacted to what was happening to me because even though they had done me wrong

I had reacted terribly and I had reacted in a way that was like unacceptable and just because they had done me wrong and I had every right to be mad does not give me the, it does not give me the right to treat someone awfully so that was like really hard and but the freedom and the relief that I got from it was overwhelming um

I mean I still wish that one person would but I pray about that every single day but and you never know, you never know you don't know what it's all about I have learned that you just never know what

God has in store for you, what you think is never going to happen is what always happens

I don't know, Rashida can speak hours about that yeah there's a, she has lots of stories to tell yeah not tonight though, sorry and you don't see those things in the midst of it you see it after it's over and you go, oh now

I see why this happened and then when you're going through it, you're like, this is crap, can this be over with and then afterwards you're like oh thank goodness

I went through all that that was so worth it and that's like, something I've been struggling with recently is kind of the same thing being in college is like hard, especially when you feel like you've been staying still since you graduated high school like I feel like I have not progressed or done any kind of life goals or anything since I've graduated

I'm still in school I've just maintained the same life for so many years and I see so many people around me that have you know stepped up and done things created careers, created lives and I'm like, well,

I got it on but that's not where you're supposed to be right now this is where I am supposed to be

I'm supposed to be patient, I'm supposed to be waiting for what is in store for me and in the end

I will understand why I had to wait and wait and wait and wait and I Because who knows, you might meet your husband which might be a future doctor or something

I mean, it doesn't kind of maintain my habits you know, I've got expensive hobbies

I know She's bougie I know I try not to be

I at least maintain my own I don't expect other people to do it Well, you just need to I'm not even worried about that part but it's like, my cousin she's buying her first house

Okay Well, because that's something I want Okay I know, but this is what

I'm saying I'm talking about my struggle I'm about to put her in the hallway For what?

But then I remind myself Then I remind myself of all the things that I have been received and given and how they were worth the wait

Girl, I just became a Christian in October, we gotta remember this That's right That's right,

I forgot Well, let me tell you I I took down some notes

I never looked at it as their slaves were like their family I never looked at it

I didn't learn that until I came here because back then, and I could be wrong so if I'm wrong, please correct me

I'm okay with being corrected, it does not bother me as much as it used to I learned that there were some slaves that were not they were like their family, but a lot of them they work, they live in the house with them, they eat dinner with them

When I look back, I think she probably was that kind of slave She was her handmaid, she probably ate with her and talked with her, this is probably one of her best friends

Well, one of the things that I got out of this that I think that a lot of people will agree with me is that people the people that you love will sometimes make you step out of God's will sometimes

The people you love will sometimes make you step outside of God's will I got that but I also got when we step out of God's will

God comes to us sometimes we have to go to him but a lot of times he comes to us, he reaches out to us and says, hey, you know what you did was stupid but I still love you, let's go back and try this again let's do it the right way

That's amazing to me That's everyday life He is with you to the end of the age I read a statement and it's like it's not a perfect life it's a redeemed life

I love that I love that Sometimes I feel like my sin just kind of drowns me and it's like, man,

I'm a Christian I'm supposed to be living perfectly and it's not a perfect life, it's a redeemed life Then why would

God or Jesus have had to die on the cross if it was supposed to be a perfect life then it would have been a pointless death and he would not have had to die and then it wouldn't be as meaningful like that's why it means so much it's because the amount of grace we have been given

You're one to talk about grace, right? No, you're not I struggle with grace grace with myself grace with other people

I've gotten better with other people but with myself I said that to someone the other day if God can forgive

I was literally saying this to someone last night if God can forgive someone a nobody, totally depraved disgusting human being why can't you forgive yourself?

Right That's something I have to preach to myself because there are a lot of times I can't forgive myself and I'm like but God forgave me so why am

I holding on to this? Why can't I let this go? Because you want to take yourself through the trenches

What was the other scripture you were talking about? Isaiah 65 1 -5 I turned there

I'm not going to read it though I just like it Isaiah 65 verses 1 -5

I found it Do you want

Mercedes to read it? I mean it doesn't matter to me I just wrote it down because it kind of went along with God reaching out to us

Mercedes read that and then we'll close up I was sought by those who did not ask I was found by those who did not seek me

I said here I am, here I am to a nation that was not called by my name

I spread out my hands all day long to rebellious people who walk in the wrong path following their own thoughts

These people continually provoke me to my face sacrificing in gardens burning incense on bricks sitting among the graves spending nights in secret places eating the meat of pigs and putting polluted broth in their bowls

They say, keep to yourself do not come near me for I am too holy for you These practices are smoke in my nostrils a fire that burns all day long

Yet he still reaches out to us Well that just kind of hits right in the nutshell I mean we had to go out with a bang

I don't do it any other way This is true Shovel to the face

That's Mercedes Shovel to the face My favorite verse I'm just going to say this and then

I promise it's going to be done But it's like do not come near me for I'm holier than thou I feel like that's a big thing with Christians My sins aren't as bad as theirs

At least I'm not doing that But in God's eyes it's all the same

Like you telling your mom a lie is just the same as the guy who killed five people Your sin is just as bad as theirs

So many people look at it that they are holier than thou And I'm no better than you

I'm just older That's all Sometimes I wonder

Sometimes I wonder Well thank you so much for coming tonight I'm sorry that I was running late

You know something You're an important girl It was just not a good

Where's black Because I silkscreen at work She finger paints

I finger paint at work So then the paint gets stuck in my fingers That's nice I get to do smiley faces

Thanks for joining us tonight y 'all Now that we know what she does for work

She does finger paint Man, Josiah, why are you paying her to finger paint? Right? I was about to ask the same thing

Do you know what she's doing at work? Check on her tomorrow But anyways,

I really appreciate y 'all coming and joining us tonight I hope that This was maybe a word that you needed to hear

Of course we all need to hear it The music downstairs is just phenomenal It sounds really good

I know I don't know if you guys can hear it but it sounds really good Yeah, isn't that David Skelton and them?

I don't know if that's them or not They're usually up here on Wednesdays This is Thursday So we can just go tell

David What I'm doing at work Yeah Let's go there and tell the big boss what she does at work

But anyways, thanks you guys I appreciate you coming tonight Thanks for sitting in with us

Next week we have Josiah? Josiah Pastor Josiah will be here next week

He hasn't been on in a while I'm glad I didn't go after him He's a tough act to follow He's a card

He is too much But I love him

I love you Bye guys We're gonna sit here now We're gonna get up We're all old