Biblical Parenting (part 4)

Bethlehem Bible Church

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May 16, 2010

Biblical Parenting (part 5)

00:00: is able to take a parenting class, whether you have kids or you don't, single, married, divorced, widowed, to help the body of Christ, because after all, we want to love one another here.
00:11: And usually when you find a church, there are usually kids there. A long time ago, they used to call this church the
00:17: Church of the Minivan, because there were so many kids here. So today is day five.
00:24: I was originally going to try to do eight weeks and pack everything that I think
00:30: I could tell you about parenting into eight weeks. I might go a little bit longer, just because, for instance, last week it wasn't really a teaching time, it was a question and answer time, and maybe we'll have more questions as we go.
00:40: And so if we go longer than eight weeks, you can either decide to keep coming or you can go to Pastor C's class and we can figure it out.
00:49: So I guess I'm trying to just take a collective sigh of relief, thinking I don't have to jam everything into eight weeks.
00:57: After all, this is the Church of the Two -Part Sermon, the Ten -Part Sermon. Oh, the other day
01:02: I was online and, who was it, checking out someone's messages, and he was preaching through Colossians, and it was talking about the greatness of Christ.
01:14: And then the sermon underneath it said, Part 15, that is so good.
01:21: In life and in our own studies, it's always better to go deeper than it is to go shallower, isn't it?
01:27: I mean, I guess there's a time if you'd like to see an overview of the New Testament or the Old Testament and say, I'd like to get my arms rounded at 35 ,000 feet,
01:36: I think that's probably good, but even that is to try to help you understand the depth of Scripture.
01:41: And when you're raising kids, I'm sure you have trials, and I believe William Plummer was correct when he said, if you've got intense trials or sufferings that are difficult, weak doctrines can't help you get through those tough trials.
01:58: And so show me people that want to have sound doctrine, more than superficial teaching.
02:05: Those are people that the Spirit of God has worked in so they realize, coming down the pike when I have to bury mom, dad, son, daughter, little ditties, little kind of saints,
02:16: Christian colloquial saints aren't going to help us, are they? We need the depths of God, the deep teachings of God, the sovereignty of God, God's goodness in spite of everything.
02:27: We need those kind of doctrines. So what does this have to do with parenting? Probably everything, but not so much for the class.
02:34: So let me pray. It's about 9 .04 now. We'll try to get done around 9 .50, translation, 10 o 'clock, all right?
02:41: Thank you, Father, for this day. Thank you for this breath that we have, a beautiful day. And Lord, we know that your faithfulness exceeds the clouds, and we look at the heavens, and we look at the moon, and the sun, and the stars, and we see that again today you're faithful.
03:01: You've said to the waters of the ocean, this far you'll go and no farther. You've allowed evil to only go as far as you would allow it.
03:10: And then even back in the days with Joseph and his brothers, these folks have meant it for evil, but you've meant it for good.
03:18: So we're thankful today that we can worship you, a God who can take evil and turn it into good, and that you can take these dear people here today along with me.
03:27: You've given us a heart to want to parent for your glory. You've given us a heart to say we're sinful and we've fallen short.
03:33: So forgive us, Father. You've given us our children. Some couples here don't even have children yet.
03:39: I pray that you'd bless them with that great gift of children. I think of Vadim and Sandra, even yesterday, celebrating the birth of their daughter.
03:47: And so, Father, we just ask that you give us wisdom in abundance today. In Jesus' name, amen. Yes, Sandra and Vadim had a child yesterday.
03:57: Serenity is the name of the baby. And so that is... I just remember that first...
04:02: Can you remember that first time? For those of you that are parents, not that the second and third and fourth and some of you, fifth and sixth and seventh kids weren't exciting, but that first time you walked into the room and all of a sudden the baby's out and they're handing you the baby and there's all that goo and everything over the baby.
04:20: You're just like, I'm a dad. I can't believe I'm a dad. I think I've told you many times,
04:26: I love to say when the babies are born and they're like, you know, letting the fathers do their part, or would you like to kind of cut the cord or whatever?
04:33: I just love to say out loud, ain't evolution grand? I mean, this is the most fantastic set of circumstances that could come together and out comes this baby.
04:42: It's an exciting day. All right. The class is called
04:49: Common Mistakes, Common Parenting Mistakes, How to Avoid Them and How the Gospel Applies to Each.
04:55: Today, I'd like to talk a little bit about exasperating children. But before we do, let's turn our
05:01: Bibles to Psalm 51. And I would like to remind you again this morning that you need to be aware theologically and not just pragmatically that your children are spiritual descendants of Adam.
05:16: You need to be reminded that children are born sinful because it will affect the way you parent.
05:22: As the book says, not this book, but another book with the title, Ideas Have Consequences.
05:28: What you believe determines what you do. It's this constant refrain we have here. And I want you not to ignore the fact that your children are born as spiritual descendants of Adam.
05:40: Now, we're not going to talk a lot of theology about how the fall happened and everything else. But just a couple of quick Psalm verses,
05:47: Psalm 51 verse 5. And even though our children are cute and lovable and cuddly and lots of fat cheeks and fat rolls and all that, and we love to kind of just dote on them, we need to remember that every child inherits the sinful nature of his parents.
06:08: Psalm 51 .5, you know the context, David. Sin, he says, behold, Psalm 51 .5,
06:13: I was brought forth in iniquity and in sin my mother did conceive me.
06:19: And in sin did my mother conceive me. Is this talking about David's mother and father were sinfully not married and then got together?
06:31: No, it doesn't have anything to do with that. Here's David understanding that his problem is deep.
06:38: His problem is not some kind of surface issue. He is a sinner by nature. At the core of his being, he is stained.
06:47: So it's not some kind of minor thing. It's deeply ingrained into David. It's interesting, if you just take a look at the verse, behold,
06:55: I was brought forth in iniquity, that word to bring forth in Hebrew means to, it could mean to whirl or to dance or to writhe.
07:04: How does that fit here? Behold, I was brought forth. This is this writhing in travail.
07:11: This is in reference to what? The pains of childbirth. And so David says,
07:17: I was brought forth from the very get -go. I was a little sinner. We've said this many times here before. The Puritans would call children innocent vipers.
07:27: Why would they call them that? Okay, somebody, you should see your faces today.
07:37: This has been a rough week, I think, and so you're in here today just kind of glazed over. All right,
07:44: Charlie. They look cute and they're sweet and most of the time they smell good.
07:56: Remember that baby smell when you just...I love to go over to babies and just kind of sniff them a little bit.
08:02: Of course, after they've been changed and everything, but just kind of sniff and they just smell like babies, that's just a sweet thing.
08:09: But on the inside, they are sinful. They've been affected by the fall. And short of Christ Jesus rescuing them, they have a future, an eternal future, and we want that interrupted.
08:20: And God has means to interrupt eternal hell for children and that means is the gospel.
08:25: As you pray for God to save and you preach the gospel. Flip down to Psalm 58 as well.
08:31: Again, before we get into Ephesians 6 and exasperation, I thought I'd just remind you something that is true even though it might not look like it's true when the kids are little.
08:41: When the kids are older, you can quickly see that they have sinful little hearts and they have foolish thoughts.
08:48: So Psalm 58 verse 3, this is what a parent should expect because the child is sinful.
08:57: Your children are sinful, so are mine. Psalm 58 verse 3, the wicked are estranged from the womb.
09:03: They go astray from birth, speaking lies.
09:09: And so the biggest implication that I could give you this morning is your main problem, your kid's main problem is not from the outside.
09:20: It's not the school system, it's not the teacher system, it's not CNN, it's not some kind of ideology, it's not some philosophy of the world, it's not bad environment, it's not because you're not a perfect parent.
09:37: The main problem with your kids is their own depravity. I have met the enemy and I am the enemy.
09:46: They are the ones who make bad choices, whose heart is bad, whose heart is black.
09:55: We used to tell our kids, by the way, that their hearts were black. And, you know, we have a constant theme in our church about healthy self -esteem, and so we'd love to tell our kids, your heart is black.
10:06: Why would you want to tell your kids their heart is black? It's a good illustration of kind of this black, corrupt, kind of gross, kind of, you know, wasn't that...didn't
10:20: they have some kind of little glove illustration and you had kind of different colors? What was it like?
10:28: Black, red, black for the sinful hearts, red for the blood of Christ, white for the imputed righteousness of Christ Jesus to cloak the black heart, to cover the black heart.
10:42: Last night, I was talking to the kids and we were doing a little Bible study and I was trying to tell them, what does the Bible call itself?
10:48: And I would say to them, if you can memorize all seven of these, just now I'll give you a dollar. And so it was a fire, a hammer, a sword, a seed, a laver, a lamp, and a light.
11:03: Those are just seven of the things the Bible says, my, you know, your word is living and active, sharper than a two -edged surgeon, scalpel or sword, and we were going through those.
11:12: And then I thought, I need to regularly preach the gospel to my kids. And I said, and you all are born sinful and your only hope of going to heaven is not baptism, it's not because your dad is a pastor and your mom's a pastor's wife, but you must believe not in your own goodness, not in your own self -righteousness, not in who you are, but in the work of somebody else,
11:37: Jesus. Every one of you, you're going to live forever, either in heaven or hell, and you have to trust in Christ Jesus.
11:43: So the kids are listening and I try to say him by name, Maddie, Gracie, Haley, and Luke, you will all live forever.
11:52: Dad wants to see you in heaven. And since you're born sinful, you need to be cleansed and ask him the question.
11:58: And then somehow it turned into some children's discussion of imputed righteousness. So here's how my son came up with an idea.
12:07: Initially, I thought, well, that's kind of weird, but I was glad he was trying to help the two younger kids figure it out.
12:14: So he said, you know, it's like Jesus has a mask and then he takes his mask off and he puts the mask on you.
12:24: You've got kind of a black heart, a black face, and Jesus has a mask. And I go, the Jesus mask?
12:29: What are we getting into? And I thought, the Jesus mask? I mean, we could probably sell a lot of these, you know,
12:36: WWJD bracelets and Jesus masks, you know, in football games. But what Luke was trying to say to Maddie and Gracie was that here's
12:44: Christ's perfection, that he credits to our account, and it's as if when
12:49: God the Father looks at our faces, we don't have sinful faces, frowning faces, depraved faces.
12:56: We have the face of Jesus. And there's a lot of truth to that. When you hear God the Father say that he smiles upon us and he looks upon us, and you say to yourself, why would they say in the
13:10: Old Testament, God, make your face shine upon me, smile upon me.
13:15: Because of Christ's work in our lives, God the Father, who's holy and righteous and just, can look at us and smile.
13:24: That's a wonderful thing. We've talked lots of times here about the three faces. Have you ever had, you know, the three faces of public speaking?
13:32: There's the face of people that just have no expression, they're just flat. And then there's the scrunched -up face.
13:40: And you'll all begin to scrunch your faces as I do this, and you kind of, everything gets smashed in, and it's kind of a frown, and this is kind of, you know, your scolding face.
13:51: And then there's the face that you give when you walk over to that crib in the morning.
13:57: You've got that little nine -month -old, and you walk over, and it's that fresh day, and kids may be hanging up on the rail and everything, or, you know, the crane's kids are shaking like monkeys, you know, or, oh, sorry, trying to get out.
14:14: And you walk over, and you lean yourself over, and what does your face do? That's the face of acceptance.
14:22: Hi, baby. You look at your face, and it's open, and it's warm. How did
14:28: I get on this subject? I don't know, but it's just, I said I'm just going to expand the series out. So, that's that face, and you can imagine, because of Christ's work, if you've had kids that have done something wrong,
14:40: I have a look that I can try to give across the room. I've even had to try to flash that look here a couple of times when
14:47: Kim would be gone, and we had this pulpit over there, and I have a few of my kids sitting in the front row. She's out of town, and my kids are acting up while I'm preaching.
14:55: I'm trying to give them the look like, don't you dare, little mister, little miss, you better obey right now, daddy's preaching.
15:02: We have this kind of look. I remember one cartoon had it, it was called the dad ray, kind of the ray of,
15:12: I'm just displeased, that doesn't make me happy, quit that. And so, can you imagine, because of Christ Jesus, this is your only hope.
15:20: When your children are born, we have the open face, we're so glad for these children, but spiritually, theologically, we have a problem, and that is, they are sinful, and God frowns upon the sinful, and the only way he opens up his face to say,
15:37: I accept you, I smile upon you, welcome you. Here's the welcome mat to heaven, is because Christ Jesus works, so that's why we keep preaching regularly.
15:46: And often, Psalm 58 verse 3, the wicked are estranged from the womb. It's not they went to kindergarten and then lost everything.
15:55: They've got a bad neighbor friend. No, the heart is deceitful above all else, and it starts from the womb.
16:03: Look what it says here. They go astray from birth -speaking lies. They are predisposed to sin.
16:11: If you're a programmer, they come pre -programmed to sin proficiently, and the only thing that's stopping them is their arms aren't quite coordinated enough, their legs aren't coordinated enough, their mouth isn't coordinated enough, because they would sin more proficiently as time goes on.
16:30: Your children, when they are born, are not God -lovers. They're God -haters, and their only hope is salvation, incurable disease.
16:43: I know if my kids ever got some sickness, I would travel the world to try to get the right doctors to cure them, right?
16:53: The good news is Boston is close. Worcester's not bad, and Boston's close. But wouldn't you do everything you possibly could for your kids?
17:00: And there are some parents here that I'm looking at right now. Your kid has something wrong with them, and you will go to the lengths to help them.
17:10: Go to Arizona. You'll go any place you can to get them the cure. Well, there's one cure for your kids.
17:16: You don't have to go very far to find it. You just have to make sure you keep preaching the gospel to your kids.
17:21: We talked a few times ago about the error of hearing your kids profess faith in Christ, and then just assuming that's true.
17:31: The first time somebody professes faith, sign sealed and delivered, good to go.
17:37: And we want to make sure we don't fall into that error. All right, let's turn our... Questions on that? Since I'm not in a rush today,
17:44: I think we all believe it to be true for two reasons. A, theologically it's true, and B, we realize it's true as we watch our kids grow up.
17:52: You don't have to teach a kid to kind of softly encourage someone with their hand.
17:59: When they grow up, they're going to learn to do what? Hit. No hitting. All right,
18:06: I'm just thinking about my own kids and who's a hitter and who's not. All right, let's turn to Ephesians chapter 6, and I want to come to the next mistake, and that mistake is dads who don't lead.
18:21: Dads because they're too lazy, too busy, mom takes over. What does the Bible say about fathers in leading?
18:28: Ephesians chapter 6, verse 4. Now this doesn't mean that if you are a mother and you don't have a saved husband that everything's going to work out poorly.
18:44: This doesn't mean if you say to yourself, I've got a husband that doesn't lead, it doesn't mean your children are automatically damned or anything like that.
18:51: But for those that are here today that are dads, I want to talk to you about being a leader in your home.
18:59: Of course there are exceptions, and that's what grace is. Grace makes exceptions. But the men here who are dads have the primary responsibility to parent.
19:10: How about this in the William Farley book that we read on page 127? Western culture used to assume this arrangement, dad's leading.
19:18: Before 1830, virtually every manual on parenting was addressed to fathers.
19:27: Nancy Gibbs writing in Time Magazine notes, from the Reformation until the 1830s, most parenting manuals were written for fathers.
19:36: Before this time, society assumed that mothers were assistant fathers. Let me read that again.
19:42: Society assumed that mothers were assistant fathers. That is, mothers are helping the fathers, a helpmate.
19:51: I'm giving you a wife and she comes alongside Adam to help you. Now Farley says, well excuse me,
19:59: Nancy Gibbs says in Time Magazine in the Farley book, now it is assumed that fathers are assistant mothers.
20:07: Isn't that the way that society sees it? I don't know about you, but that's what I see. We're kind of just the dopes and we're the kind of fault, you know.
20:15: I think if you looked at books now, most books probably written on parenting are written to women.
20:23: That's not because women are bad, that's because dads have said, forget it, I'm too busy, and lots of other reasons.
20:29: But what does the text say? Ephesians 6, 4. I know we're just parachuting in here to this.
20:35: We've learned in chapters 1, 2, and 3 about election and redemption and the triune
20:40: God's saving and the light of that. How do you live? Well, here's how you live. Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the
20:51: Lord. Fathers, should mothers do this command?
20:58: Are mothers part of the team? Are mothers secondhand citizens? First two answers are yes, the third answer is no.
21:04: But here does the text say fathers? NAS says the same thing, fathers. Here's what
21:10: J. Edgar Hoover said. He said, I endorse the San Francisco School for Delinquent Parents.
21:19: That was pretty insightful. I endorse the San Francisco School for Delinquent Parents. But if I could change it here,
21:26: I would say, he should have endorsed the School for Delinquent Fathers. Clearly, children must obey father and mother, but Paul here addresses fathers only.
21:39: Bible thinking, Israel thinking, patriarchal or matriarchal societies?
21:47: Patriarchal. Our society today, what is it? A mess, that's right.
21:53: It's a blended up mess. I'll tell you, I think our culture is emasculated, sissified.
22:02: Is that a word, sissified? It is now. I used to be a comedian when I was growing up, and he would take words, and it wasn't
22:09: Bill Cosby, it was Norm. Who's old enough to know the comedian that took all the words and used different meanings of the vocabulary words, but it sounded like he really knew what he was doing?
22:20: Jack Kurtz, do you remember? It wasn't Bill Cosby, it was Norm. Nobody knows.
22:26: Brian? Crosby. And he was really good at taking those words and just putting them into sentences, and okay, let's just keep going, sorry.
22:36: Those were the days when you would sit down in the basement and listen to the albums, and you would listen to Bill Cosby jokes, you know, thinking, where's mom and dad if they hear me listening to Bill Cosby jokes about the family?
22:48: I'm in so much trouble. There is a difference between men and women.
22:56: There are gender differences. Society, switching, blending, androgyny, women's liberation, the list goes on.
23:05: I think this is a feminized culture, and I also think it's a feminized church culture in the
23:11: U .S., actually in Europe as well, feminized. Earlier, look at verse 2.
23:18: This is fascinating. Verse 2, honor your father and mother.
23:25: Of course there's honor. Of course there's, you know, we're not saying mothers are out of the picture.
23:31: Here, honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with a promise. But the leader of the home is the father.
23:40: I guess I could probably say it this way. Remember years ago in Hawaii, the submarine, the
23:48: U .S. submarine that came to the top of the surface of the ocean, but sadly there was a
23:53: Japanese fishing boat there, and many of the Japanese fishermen died. Who was the guilty party when it came to that submarine not seeing what was above them?
24:07: Who was the guilty party? The captain? The navigator?
24:13: Who was guilty? Who was the one that didn't look? I don't know how they check and see. It's probably some kind of sonar radar.
24:19: I'm sure it's not some kind of periscope now. The person that didn't check. I have another question.
24:26: Who was the one who was responsible? Guilt and responsibility. Gary? The captain's responsible.
24:34: Did you know if you're the dad that you are 100 % responsible for raising your children?
24:43: Moms can contribute guilt. Fathers can contribute guilt. But this, according to the
24:48: Bible, is not a 50 -50 proposition. Fathers. What does the text say? Fathers.
24:54: Of course, moms, you come alongside and help your husband, sin and frail husband.
25:00: He needs help to come alongside of him and help him. But he is responsible.
25:06: You can contribute guilt, but he is ultimately responsible. I'm going to get ahead of myself, but that's okay.
25:14: It's my class. It's like when Steve and I do the radio show. He'll say, but we digress. And I say, we digress.
25:20: It's my show. I'm not ready to move on to the next point yet. What do you mean, time to get going?
25:31: If I ask each of you dads, I'm trying to look at a few of you in the face, your children didn't know anything about the
25:40: Bible but what you taught them. Not the moms.
25:46: Not the Sunday school teachers. Not Awana. Not the donut man.
25:52: Who's a Roman Catholic, by the way. What would your kids know if only you taught them the
26:00: Bible? They didn't come to church and hear me preach. Just you. You're responsible to teach.
26:07: Lots of times I think we have this arrangement where the mothers do most of the teaching, the dad doesn't do too much because he's not home.
26:16: I want the moms to teach. When I see Kim talking to the kids and going through a proverb and working through things,
26:23: I'm glad. Every way we can supplement teaching. But God says, dads, you're responsible.
26:31: And I don't think you can easily just say, by the way, honey, I delegate to you how to decorate the house.
26:38: I delegate to you the financial situation here when it comes to groceries and this, that, and the other.
26:47: Whatever you delegate. And I'm going to delegate teaching the kids the
26:52: Bible too and leading the family spiritually. I'm kind of busy. Work has been tough.
26:58: And so would you please take over that area? What's wrong with that? Now, if you're out of town for three weeks and you want to say that, is that okay?
27:07: Well, of course. But here the text is, fathers. So who is God going to hold responsible?
27:14: Fathers. Fathers are the leader. Again, maybe your husband's not saved.
27:19: Maybe your dad died. All these kind of issues can come up, but we're talking about the text today, fathers.
27:29: By the way, just, I don't think I've been too hard on the dads yet, so I don't want to be too hard on the moms yet.
27:35: But moms, you are wives before you are mothers, even in the way you think about helping husbands with kids.
27:45: Wives, you, moms, you are wives before you are mothers, even when it comes to thinking about helping husbands with the kids.
28:05: Now, what I'd like to say to the moms just quickly is I want you to try to encourage your husband to lead.
28:11: Let's say you're a mom and you're smarter. You're more biblically astute. You're more spiritual.
28:17: You're more godly. Does that mean you're going to be the leader now? Well, you ought not to be.
28:24: You ought to be figuring out a way that you can encourage your husband. And I think the best way you can encourage your husband, if he shows any inkling of spiritual leadership, what should you do?
28:38: I can't believe it wasn't more than that. It's about time. I've been praying for this for, like, years.
28:47: Now, you may be thinking all those things, but I would try to encourage you ladies to help your husbands by saying thank you.
28:56: That was wonderful. When your husbands finally get the kids around the table or it's in the bedroom at night or however you do it, and there's some kind of Bible time teaching, and you're sitting there thinking as a wife, when will this ever end?
29:13: This is boring. This is technical. I mean, he thinks he's
29:19: R .C. Sproul quoting Latin words now. I mean, what is he doing? He should have been doing this a long time ago.
29:26: If he would have started giving them bite -sized pieces, they would have been able to eat this 90 -ounce filet now with one sitting.
29:33: Come on, look at the kids' eyes. Dads, look up from your notes, and if you could see your kids' eyes, they're already sleeping.
29:41: You don't have to lullaby them to sleep. You just have to open your mouth, dads, and just start talking monotone. It's like the Charlie Brown teacher, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah.
29:49: Come on. What do you do if you're the mom? If I were you, I would say,
29:54: I would say, in your heart of hearts, you should say, I could be having an unbelieving husband.
30:01: I could be having no husband. I could have a husband who's into Buddhism. I could have a husband who is hurting the kids.
30:13: So when your husband does anything that's good, and I don't mean flattery, and I don't mean, you know, he buys the
30:22: Leave it to Beaver Bible study, and you all watch that together. You know, you can buy those things. They have Leave it to Beaver, Gilligan's Island, and some other thing because they're moral.
30:32: And so you play them, and then you look at the moral qualities of Leave it to Beaver. I'm not saying if he does that.
30:37: If he does that, I think you should pull him to the side, away from the kids, and say, Honey, you know, Wally and Ward Cleaver are kind of nice guys and everything, but they need the
30:47: Savior. Wasn't it Wally? Wally and Beaver and Ward and who? Your pop culture people.
30:56: Somebody said to me the other day, it was Peter. He lives in Maynard, and he said, you know, I don't know about all that pop culture stuff, but I'm starting to like it.
31:04: So now on No Compromise Radio I says, This pop culture quote goes out to Peter in Maynard. So when you see him today, ask him if he likes pop culture.
31:14: Would you ladies, first of all, husbands, pick up your Bibles and start teaching your kids?
31:23: Start teaching your kids. You say, I don't know what to do. I wasn't going to get into the teaching time today, but just I'll maybe whet your appetite.
31:33: You say, I don't know what to do. How do I teach the kids? I've got some kids who are 18, and I've got some kids who are 6 months.
31:40: How do I teach all the kids? Well, I have a little secret to tell you. Here's the secret.
31:46: As Jay Adams would say, just between us girls. But since you're guys, I'll say that.
31:51: It's not a sisified nation. The way
31:57: I want you to teach your kids is modeled for you every single
32:02: Sunday morning. There's a reason why I teach the way I teach.
32:08: So you'll pick up that idea and say, That's the way you teach Bible. If I taught topically,
32:14: I would be telling you by inference, Teach the way I do. Hop, skip, and a jump. Over here, over here.
32:20: I call it football audibleing. Have you ever been to a sermon like that? 4 .32, 6 .18,
32:27: 3 .16, 3 .23, set hut, and off you go. And you think, it kind of sounded all good.
32:33: It was all woven together, but I couldn't ever reproduce it. So you say, all right, I'm going to pick a book.
32:38: And by the way, the Bible is all inspired. It's all God breathed. But some have more action than others.
32:45: And so I always tell parents, If you're going to start teaching the Bible, Dads, start with Exodus. Start with Exodus.
32:52: You go, I don't have any idea. I'm not a pastor. I'm not trained. Well, that may be true. But you are the leader that God is going to hold responsible for teaching the kids.
33:00: So here's what you do. You get the book of Exodus and you read chapter 1. That's kind of an odd concept.
33:08: Just take the Bible and read through it, Exodus 1. And then you ask the kids, What did you learn about God? What did you learn about sinful man?
33:16: What did you learn about God dealing with man? What did you find interesting? And you learn about Exodus 1. And then the next night, let's say you just do it four nights a week.
33:23: You don't have to be a legalist. I've got to do it every day. It's kind of like Word of Life theology. No devos, no breakfast.
33:30: If you don't have a devotion, you can't eat breakfast or else. So four or five times. And then the next time you meet, you go,
33:37: Okay, kids, what was that nod? That looked like some kind of...
33:43: Okay. The next day, you say this, What did we learn in Exodus 1?
33:49: All the kids have their Bibles. You can even get those kind of child -proof, laminated, waterproof
33:55: Bibles that hold up under snot boogers and all kinds of other things. They're just spitting food out and oatmeal and this is goo.
34:03: They have waterproof Bibles now. You just wash them off. They all got their Bibles. Where's your Bible? And then you say,
34:09: Tonight we're going to read Exodus chapter 2. Wow, this is getting pretty hard.
34:15: Some of you dads I know don't have the biggest IQs around here, theologically or in general, but I think you could do that.
34:21: Chapter 2. And then guess what you do the next night? Here's what we learn. Chapter 3.
34:27: And you know what you could even do, dads? You could probably read the chapter ahead of time in the morning so you kind of maybe know what's going on.
34:34: And then what do you do, dads? Well, read chapter 3, 4, and do it with excitement.
34:43: I'm not saying every day has to be so exciting because then all the excitement level kind of balances out, but I think you should try to show enthusiasm.
34:52: What's the root word for enthusiasm? Enthuse. What kind of word is that, by the way? It's not a theological term, but it's just an interesting word.
35:02: Enthuse, entheos. It was a pagan term to put pagan gods into something.
35:09: Put the god into it and put some excitement into it. So let's say you're a single mom and you're going to try to teach the kids the
35:16: Bible. I think you can teach them the exact same way and be excited about it. Everybody's got their Bibles. Now, of course,
35:21: I'm talking to such a diverse group. You've got some who have kids in the womb and some who have 18 -year -old kids, but you can all still sit there.
35:29: So you say to the 18 -year -old, can you make sure you sit by the 6 -month -old? When the 6 -month -old throws the wad of oatmeal over there, you kind of help corral and all that.
35:39: Mothers, what are you doing? Making sure the kids are all kind of listening and sitting there. And I think you could have a great
35:46: Bible time to teach the kids. You don't even have to come up with much. It's spiraled into a lot of things in our house.
35:51: I haven't really done it lately. But be creative.
35:58: When we taught, back at the old house, Joshua marching around the walls of the city, what do you think we did as a family?
36:10: You know what we did. You should have saw Kim. It was hilarious. No, just kidding. We got up and we marched.
36:19: We're marching around the dinner table. We're blowing trumpets. Everybody go craft your trumpet.
36:26: When we teach about Lot, his wife, turning to salt, what do you think we did?
36:33: Everybody pull your hand out. Everybody get the salt. Everybody lick. What do you think we did when
36:41: David was acting crazy and the saliva was coming off onto his beard and he was scratching the door and all that stuff?
36:50: I have the video of Kim as she was doing that. No, I did it. And I let the spit drool.
36:56: I was letting the spit drool out of my face and I'm scratching the walls, acting like some kind of, well, just typical for me, but I was acting like this.
37:05: If you're a kid, here's my philosophy.
37:12: I want it to be that if you were one of your kids, you'd want to be at my house.
37:20: You know what I mean by that? I don't mean in any sinful way. It should be exciting. By definition,
37:26: God should not be boring. God. Let's play a word association game.
37:34: God. If you would ever say the word boring after that, I don't know what kind of book you're reading, but it's not the
37:40: Bible. I'm trying to think of some other ones. Remember when Genesis 15, where God made the covenant with Abraham, an unconditional covenant?
37:49: Abraham, your responsibility is to go over there and sleep and I will promise myself,
37:55: I will swear to myself that I'll do this. And so, instead of having two people walk through the animals that were cut apart, then
38:04: God alone walked through, made a promise to himself. I didn't cut up chicken, but I could have easily cut up chicken.
38:11: I could have easily put something else there, but I just got some napkins and I tore up the napkins. Here's a dead bird.
38:17: Here's a dead bird. Here's a dead carcass. Here's a dead carcass. And then we got the lights down. We turned it down really low and I got one of those butane lighter things that's long for the fireplace.
38:30: What's it called? Igniter. Igniter things. And I brought that thing like the hot fire pan through those animals, little wadded up napkins and through and how
38:42: God made the covenant. I think if you're a dad,
38:53: I don't want you to have to act like me, but if it will start motivating you to be excited to teach your kids, then act like me.
39:06: Isn't that crazy? Dress up. Have some costumes. I don't care what it is. Okay, before I keep going,
39:14: I'm just going to stop for a second. By the way, if you're a wife and your dad's doing, and your dad's doing all this, your husband's doing all this, isn't that funny?
39:20: You start getting older and, you know, Kim's name is Mom to me. Mom. We're out on our anniversary, you know, in Italy.
39:28: Hi, Mom. There's just something kind of not right about that. Questions or comments about Bible teaching for dads?
39:42: I think dads make it too difficult, and they hide behind the veil of, this is too hard.
39:48: I don't know what to do. I don't know how to do it. Pick a gospel, the gospel of Mark, and say, you know, we're going to learn about Jesus today, and here is the go gospel.
39:57: It's the fast gospel. Jesus is doing all these kind of amazing things. Let's teach the kids about Jesus and the gospel.
40:04: You don't have to have a theology degree. You are the leader, and I think if God has saved you, it all goes back to theology.
40:10: If you go back to Ephesians chapter 1, God has elected you in eternity past.
40:16: Jesus died for you and redeemed you. The Spirit of God has sealed you. He's brought you into the church even though you're a
40:21: Gentile, and now he's given you spiritual gifts, and he's given you the responsibility to teach your kids. How does the gospel fit into all this?
40:29: Here's how it fits in. Dads, when you've dropped the ball, when you've fumbled, when you haven't been teaching kids the right way, guess what you say today?
40:40: Father, I'm sinful. I'm weak. I haven't been teaching my family the right way, but I'm determined, if you'll give me the strength to do it,
40:49: I'm determined to live up to my responsibilities to teach my kids the Bible.
40:56: And guess what you do? You go home tonight and teach your kids the Bible. It doesn't have to always be, you know, you sit down and I talk.
41:04: Didn't Deuteronomy 6 have a lot to do with the Israelites teaching their kids just in teachable moments?
41:11: Right, so I think Bible teaching should be two different ways. Teachable moments, living life in general, and then specifically setting your kids down.
41:22: I've been quizzing Luke lately. I've been taking him to drum practice, and so it's theological quiz night as we go.
41:28: We rock out to some music for a while. We talk for a while. He plays on my iPhone for a little while, and then we have theological quiz night, and I'll say to him,
41:36: I'm going to give you a word, and then you tell me what it means. Redemption. Okay, redeem.
41:44: How do we know the word redeem? Where else do we use the word redeem? Since we don't have
41:49: S and H green stamps anymore in our society, it's a little more complicated to try to explain to a kid, but off you go.
41:56: Reconcile, propitiation. I want my kid to know what the Bible says, not just for knowledge, but so he knows who this
42:03: God is. All right. Dan, do you have a question? I can't believe it's 945. Okay, then
42:16: I won't go to the next point. How about this? Dads, let's expand it a little bit here to your role of leadership.
42:25: Saturday night, you should be the one saying, kids, let's get all our clothes out ready for tomorrow.
42:32: Have you ever had one of those mornings where there's utter chaos for clothes and you can't find them, and you get to church, and you go,
42:37: I can't even go into church. I think Grace Church, Kim and I, there's some couples laughing and looking at each other going,
42:46: I remember once, I think it wasn't at Grace Church. We didn't even go to church because we were in such a big fight and you were just being so sinful and I was trying to come alongside.
42:58: We drove to church. You know, Matthew has a lot to say. Christ has a lot to say about making sure things are right before you come and worship.
43:07: We just sat in the car the whole service. I was probably so young and stupid, I was probably trying to defend myself, except just fall on the sword of the gospel and say,
43:16: I'm stupid, I'm an idiot, I'm sinful, and I was wrong. Can you please forgive me?
43:23: What? I already forgave you. How about your enthusiasm level when it comes to worship?
43:33: Bringing the kids. Excitement. I've got to go to church.
43:39: If your wife is the one that has to drag you to church on Sunday, you've got a bigger problem than being a bad parent.
43:47: If you're a bad parent, ultimately it's because you've got the wrong view of who God is.
43:54: The problem is with the Lord. I'm not asking you to try to be like me and jump up and down and sweat and throw things or whatever.
44:03: I just, as enthusiastic as you can be, I want you to be enthusiastic. And I have two words that you can write down.
44:10: They're kind of difficult words in the English, but you'll probably understand them. If you're a dad and you don't feel like being enthusiastic when it comes to the
44:18: Lord's Day and worship, these are the two words you might want to write them down. Fake it. How about that?
44:34: You ever watch that Bob Newhart Stop It thing? It's a great thing when it comes to counseling. We all want to be counseled and talked to and kind of soothed and medicated.
44:44: And this lady comes in for counseling and Bob Newhart says, I just have two words
44:50: I want you to write down and look at them every day. And she had all these problems and he went through this whole thing, typical deadpan, dry humor,
44:57: Bob Newhart style. And she got all ready. It's lit up, lit up, lit up. And she's got this problem and these are the two words to crack the code.
45:05: And he just looked over at her and he says, Stop it. Stop it. You know? It's so classic.
45:12: It's kind of like Al Mohler School of Counseling. Three steps. What is your problem?
45:19: What does the Bible say about your problem? Question three. Why are we here? That's why not many people come to get counseling from me because I kind of follow the same pattern.
45:33: We just fake it. You know what? Aren't we, especially as men, the ones who are not supposed to allow feelings to rule us?
45:44: If you don't feel like something, big deal. Man up.
45:49: Grow up. Well, I don't feel like doing that. Well, you don't need to be feeling like something or to be led to do something if God has already told you to do it.
45:58: Husbands lead. You know, I don't really feel like it. I can use the same illustration I've used before.
46:04: You say to your kids, Kids, clean up your room. You come in 30 minutes later and the room is more of a mess than what it was when
46:12: I got here the first time. Dad, I didn't feel led to clean it. I was waiting for the still, small voice that God would speak to me and He hasn't been whispering in my ear.
46:22: I know I'm supposed to, you know, have some kind of subjective, mystical feeling and God's given me a word.
46:28: I have a word of knowledge from God and He basically said, you know, you don't have to clean it. No, we say to our kids, clean the room.
46:35: I love you. I've provided for you. I've done all these things for you. Therefore, clean your room.
46:41: And so if you don't feel like it, I didn't ask you how you feel. By the way, I talked to somebody the other day and I said to them this.
46:49: They've been struggling. It's been difficult for them. I wasn't joking around and I said, I have a question for you and it's a very precise question.
46:57: I said, what have you been doing this week? And when you answer that question,
47:03: I will know how you have felt this week. You know, we always talk to people, how do you feel?
47:10: How do you feel? Everything is, how do you feel? I purposely, if you ever hear me say feel, I'm saying it on purpose.
47:15: I want to know how you feel. But otherwise, I'll say, how do you think? What have you been doing? And I asked this person, what have you been doing this week?
47:23: And when the answer was, I have been doing things contrary to Scripture. I knew that they had a horrible week when it came to feelings.
47:33: I felt bad. I planted corn. Corn grew up. I didn't do anything productive.
47:40: I act lazily. I acted not like a good steward of the gifts that God had given me.
47:46: And now I feel down. I feel moody. I feel crabby.
47:51: I feel melancholic. I feel depressed. Well, if you have to have the feelings to get going, to get going, you're already in the wrong cycle.
48:03: So you say, Lord, could you please help me do things even though I don't feel like it, and then later
48:09: I'll have the good feelings. Have you ever done something you didn't want to do, but you knew it was right?
48:16: How did you feel afterwards? You felt great. So, husbands, if you don't feel like leading, well, lead anyway, and then the
48:24: Lord will reward you eventually, maybe not that day, but later with the feelings of, I did it.
48:30: You cannot blame other people, Dad. You cannot pass the bucks. Pass the bucks.
48:36: Sounds like some Milwaukee Bucks basketball team, Peter and Maynard. You cannot pass the buck.
48:42: It's you. I think to myself, if my kids only knew about God from what
48:53: I taught them, how much would they know? And I'll tell you this.
49:00: I, as the pastor, am repenting from how
49:07: I don't teach the Bible to my kids as often as I think
49:12: I should, with as much enthusiasm as I think I should, with the right motives as I think
49:19: I should. I think everybody else is probably clumped in that too. If I struggle, the shepherd struggles,
49:25: I think the church struggles too. I regularly teach the Bible, but I look back in the old days and think,
49:31: I think I more regularly did it then. Or I could put it this way. I want to be a better Bible teacher to my kids, as a dad.
49:39: I don't want to think, well, I taught them everything they need to know. And you know what it is for me? I think for kid one, maybe
49:48: I, this is just hypothetical, I overdid it. Kid two, maybe still a little overdid it.
49:56: Kid three, maybe about right. Kid four, kid four, who's kid four?
50:03: I thought kid one raises kid four. Haley, how come you haven't been teaching Gracie the Bible now?
50:08: Come on. So there's all these struggles. And so I'm just trying to remind you as dads, especially if you've been here for a long time, you know plenty to teach the kids.
50:24: You've had a model of teaching, so just start teaching the kids the Bible. Last point
50:34: I think, unless there's a question. Guys, try not to overkill it at the beginning.
50:40: Forty -five minutes. I'm going to videotape the kids' responses and we're going to replay them back like Preaching Discipleship Lab.
50:48: And they said, ah, too many times. And just ten minutes, ten minutes, ten minutes, ten minutes after a while.
50:56: And if you want to go farther, then you can. If you've got little kids, clear the table after dinner's over.
51:03: All the kids should say to themselves, all right, what do I need to do? Thank you, Mom, for the dinner. Get up, push the chair in, take the plates, go bring it over to the table, and then go sit back down with their
51:16: Bible ready. You should just kind of know that. All right, here's what we're going to do.
51:21: That would be a good thing to work toward. All right, it is 9 .57.
51:27: I didn't talk about exasperating kids at all. But we'll get there. Any questions? Yes. Sure.
51:47: Well, you know what? Some of us have been gifted with a wife who is more spiritual, more godly, maybe knows the
51:56: Bible better, right? And so, dads, you teach. Wives, you look for that moment when your husband looks over to you and says, you know, honey, how do you think about this?
52:07: Or, you know, how would you explain this? If you've got a domineering, I don't mean you, but if you've got a domineering wife, then
52:14: I'd say she should be quiet for a while and shouldn't say things until the husband asks as he begins to try to demonstrate that he has the leadership here.
52:22: But if everything's copacetic, then the wife can say, and here's a good explanation. I don't say to Kim, now you've got to raise your hand before you ask me a question.
52:31: I don't do that in front of the kids, just privately. But if for the longest time, the mom has been the only teacher, then maybe you work out some arrangement.
52:41: This is only wisdom. This is only preference where wives let the husbands, you know, strangle themselves for a while, hang themselves, and then you can kind of rescue them later in the morning.
52:52: Well, you know what, honey, this is what daddy really meant when he was trying to explain double imputation.
52:57: He really meant this. So for the wives, I would be careful, but the husbands, when you, if you have to ask your wife because you didn't study, because you don't know and you're just being lazy, then don't ask your wife.
53:07: But if you'd really like to have her view, because she's your helper and she looks at things differently and she's, you know, the one that you love to help raise the kids, then of course, you know, ask your wife and she can just kind of chime in.
53:20: All right. Andrew? Yep.
53:46: And that's a perfect illustration of that. My only comment there, and I think we're tracking, Andrew, is if the dad has been sinful in his abdication of leadership and the mom has been, therefore, filling the vacuum, right?
53:59: When husbands don't do something, the vacuum must be filled and so the wife takes over. Then the wife could be strategic in the way she goes about things so she doesn't act like she's leading again.
54:08: But it's okay if the wife knows more, understands more, has a better take on things, because God is sovereign when
54:14: He chose to regenerate. And so what if He regenerated our wives before us?
54:20: Well, they've been walking with the Lord longer. It's just a fact. Okay.
54:28: Karen? I don't know if you can...
54:34: Let's just stop right there. Pastor Mike, I know you've been to school. I know you have your bachelor's, your master's, and your doctorate of ministry.
54:42: I know if you can't answer this, though, certainly Charlie can. That's what she said.
55:12: Yeah, it's a lot easier when the kids are all five and we have those little seat belts that I put in the chairs and you just lock them in until they're done.
55:19: That was the easier day in my life. When they're older, you have to be a little more creative and so there's ways that you can supplement.
55:27: Maybe there's more Deuteronomy 6. You're walking in the way, talking about things, teaching, driving in the car.
55:33: Maybe it's more, here's a good book that I want you to read and we'll talk about. Supplementing them, having them, you know, at church with you to talk about things.
55:41: But I still think there could be formal times. That's why I really like it when we have a meal that we can sit down and have dinner at the table.
55:50: Things are kind of settled. Our kids, I don't like it if they just gobble their food down and say, may I please be excused and then off they go.
55:56: I'm kind of the dad and I want to know and debrief and talk and that's a good time for me to say something about the
56:01: Bible or read Pilgrim's Progress or something together. One of the things I do and maybe we'll talk about this next time.
56:08: I hated to get up and speak in front of people or I hated it for a long time and I was prideful and vain and didn't like to do it and so I thought, you know what, my kids are not going to basically have to go what
56:18: I went through and that is a fear of public speaking. So what we try to do is make it hard for them at home in the confinement, in the environment of our loving house where do
56:29: Bible memory verses. Kids have to stand up on their chairs in the kitchen table and give their Bible memory verses. When we sing hymns
56:36: I'll say, okay, you hang that stanza. You sing, Charlie, please answer the question.
56:41: What would Charlie do? WWCD. If Mike doesn't know, Charlie surely does.
56:49: Just kidding. No, that's fine. I'm glad for Charlie.
56:55: I'd hate it if Charlie was not on my side. It would be a very, very difficult life. Oh, he has older kids.
57:02: Sure, sure, thanks. I like to have the kids stand up and sing, do their
57:10: Bible verses, sometimes stand up and, okay, stand, put your hands to the side, make sure you have eye contact, smile and say, hi, my name is
57:18: Matty Avendroth and I'm here to tell you 1 Corinthians 2, verses 1 to 5 and give the verses to get them used to that and the kids pick up on it where they have to stand up and recite.
57:28: Your kids, if they're not going to be a public school teacher, they need to be a public evangelist, a Sunday school teacher and other things and so they're going to go, well,
57:35: I don't really like to get up in front of people, nobody does, so I'm going to teach you how to do it. You're going to stand up, put your hands down and you don't make it,
57:43: I make it like to make it a big joke, no fig leaf stances, you know, stuff like that.
57:48: You have to stand up, all right, all kids, you've got to stand up and you've got to look at everybody in the eye and then you have to say, hi, my name is
57:55: Mike Avendroth and I'm here to talk to you today about three faces. People are peeking in right there. It's the face where there's nothing, a face like that and then there's the baby face.
58:05: Hi, baby. And then down you go. Now we're getting to the kind of stage where I get to pick a topic and the kids have to stand up and just talk about the topic but they don't know the topic.
58:14: So please get up and talk about how to knit. They don't even know how to knit.
58:20: Hi, my name's Gracie Avendroth and I'm here to talk to you today about how to knit. Mom? There you go.
58:27: Hello. I think what we've lost is this oral concept of teaching, training, storytelling.
58:38: We're Westerners and we don't understand this concept of family integration and storytelling and we'll have to do that next time.
58:44: All right. We'll see you next Sunday. Same time, same place. Let me pray. Father, would you seal the things that have been true from my mouth into the hearts of these dear people and help them.
58:55: They're here. They want to be teachers. Dads and moms to honor you. And so Father, we're thankful that you've given them that desire and now we pray that you'd help them.