Husbands, Love Your Wives (Part 1)

Welcome to No Compromise Radio, a ministry coming to you from Bethlehem Bible Church in West Boylston.

No Compromise Radio is a program dedicated to the ongoing proclamation of Jesus Christ, based on the theme in Galatians 2, verse 5, where the

Apostle Paul said, But we did not yield in subjection to them for even an hour, so that the truth of the gospel would remain with you.

In short, if you like smooth, watered -down words to make you simply feel good, this show isn't for you.

By purpose, we are first biblical, but we can also be controversial. Stay tuned for the next 25 minutes as we're called by the divine trumpet to summon the troops for the honor and glory of her

King. Here's our host, Pastor Mike Abendroth. Welcome to No Compromise Radio, ministry. I am in the studio today with the big cheese, the

Tuesday guy, Pastor Steve Cooley. I was looking around for somebody else, the big cheese, and then

I was looking around too, because I'm like, the studio. This is the studio? By the way, why do people call other people, like, you know, in charge, the big cheese?

What would that be? I think it's got to be an etymology for that. Yeah, I think it's some kind of insult. Well, I don't know about you, but growing up in Nebraska, it was pretty much

American cheese, Velveeta. I think the big invention was when you had individual

American cheese process slices individually wrapped. That was big.

Yeah, that was huge. Because you could eat those on the way to school. I don't know if that had so much to do with Nebraska.

I think it just had to do with the fact, you know, if we could just put it this way, Michael. Poor. Yeah, we grew up working class, you know.

Well, choosy mothers choose jif. I mean, when we had our pigs in a blanket with, you know, jack cheese, that was pretty deluxe.

Steve, I remember, you know how when you get old, you talk about when you're young and stuff, and so since we're both senior citizens, practically,

I remember the first microwave oven that was purchased in the neighborhood.

The Foss's had it, and we could put in bologna, one slice, and then it would, like, shrink it up into some kind of bologna bowl.

You're the first ones to have a microwave. I know bologna does that because my brother and I, you know, when we were growing up, we often fended for ourselves for dinner, and one meal that we discovered that we liked was baked bologna and cheese sandwiches.

And so we would do that, yeah. Okay, interesting. Well, you can write us, info at nocompromiseradio .com.

I do want to make the announcement that the Israel 2021 trip has been postponed one year.

That will be now February 2022. We have our dates. I think it's

February 22nd through March 3rd. We have our guide. We have the hotels. We have the airfare.

We have everything ready. It's just pushback year. Steve, it was pretty much inevitable, but I tried to wait to the last minute to pull the plug.

When Bibi called you, what did you say to him? I said that I've both read and watched the 90

Minutes and Tebbe, and I'm sorry that you lost your brother. Oh, that's so sweet. Yeah. Steve, you and I work with people on a regular basis and try to shepherd people.

And one of the things that we regularly have to talk about is marriages, and we don't really get to talk to many people who tell us their marriages are great, right?

Because they don't call us and say, by the way, our marriage is great. Just to let you know, Pastor, things are going so good here.

Although that would be a good call. I'd love it. I would take that call. In fact, if any of our listeners want to just drop us a note and say, my marriage rocks.

It's so awesome. When you read the Bible about what a marriage should be, I don't mean to brag, but the

Lord might have sold it a little short when he wrote that. Steve, just imagine if we could go back 30 years and try to undo some of the stupid, sinful, foolish things we did in our marriages.

Just imagine what it would be like. I would actually enjoy that. You know, if I could have a time machine,

I'd do that in a heartbeat. That's probably one of the things that would, if I was in a time machine, that would be like at the top of the list.

Oh yeah. I mean, yeah. I mean, I don't want to get too, because I'll start to,

I'll start getting a little emotional here. Okay. Well, let me read the passage in Ephesians five.

And today the purpose of our show is we just want to try to give some people some fodder, some mental fodder for marriages that honor the

Lord Jesus. How about that? I think that's great. Okay. Fodder for marriages that honor the...

So romantic. Hmm. Marriage fodder. It's like a dream date. Hey, do you think we could get a crossway deal if we had a book called

Marriage Fodder by Cooley and Avendroth? Not F -A -D -D -E -R, but F -O -D -D -E -R.

Fodder. Fodder. Fodder and mudder. Yeah. I'm sounding like I'm in... Hello, Fodder. Hello, mudder.

Husbands, Ephesians 525, love your wives. And so far... By the way, that was

Alan Sherman. Oh, it was? Hello, mudder. Hello, mudder. Yeah. Something about it. Here I am at Camp Grenada.

Okay. Husbands, love your wives. That's Ephesians 525. So far, but if it stopped there, really wouldn't be too

Christian. If that was the only thing that was said. I mean, it would be Christian because it's in the

New Testament, but it's more than moralism or Mormonism. It says, husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor without spot or wrinkle or any such thing that she might be holy and without blemish.

In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

No one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it just as Christ does the church because we are members of his body.

I'll stop there. There's a lot in there, isn't there? Cherishing. What if husbands only just thought, you know what?

I think I'm going to cherish my wife. What would that look like? Peter Well, I think it would mean, like, rule like a tyrant.

I'm sorry. I forgot we were on No Compromise Radio and that's what we do. That's what you do.

It's a good contrast, though, what it doesn't look like and what it does look like. Peter I'm just, you know,

I read somebody posted on Facebook yesterday and I read it and it was a woman and she was not complaining about anything other than to say there was a

Twitter account that she was following and this guy is an alleged Christian leader who basically teaches that husbands should be tyrants.

And I thought, what an awful thing to teach, right? In light of this, love your wives like Christ loved the church.

Well, is Jesus a tyrant? Peter Mm -hmm. Peter Is Jesus... Peter I mean, I'm... Peter Right.

Does Jesus dominate the church? Is that what the Bible says? Does he, you know, rule over her with an iron fist?

Well, in one way, I guess we could argue, yes, because he's Lord, he's sovereign, he's building his church, he's shaping his church, he's pruning his church, he's doing all these things.

But that's not what the scripture says here. This is not what the passage says. He gave himself up for her, right?

Peter Well, you know what? You were talking about this lordship of Jesus. Of course he's Lord, but he's other things, right?

A drill sergeant is pretty much just the enforcer and he doesn't come across with, oh,

I'm also slow to anger and compassionate. But the Lord, of course, is more than just one thing.

He's Lord, but he's other things. And I just, I look at this passage and I think to myself, this is so convicting, but it's hopeful because everything in here is kind of gospel laden and here's who

Jesus is and how he loves. And I just, these days have been convicted. How much do

I really love my wife and cherish her? And what does she mean to me? And you know, after 31 years, this is just kind of old hat, right?

You do everything you can to win your wife. And then after a while, she's just, you know, a mother or a roommate or she cooks for you or something.

I don't know, but I'd like to act in an honoring way to the Lord and then to my wife.

Peter She just kind of goes on the back burner. You know, I - Peter Well, hey,

I get to buy all the bicycles I want, but she can't have any surfboards, you know, or whatever. Peter I was going to tell you off here.

You know, I am a brother, TMS alum in Australia.

His wife just died this last Saturday from non -smokers lung cancer and even hours before she died, he was with her in the hospital.

I mean, praise the Lord that they were able to be together, you know, in this COVID environment. And she's just sitting there.

She's just laying in bed, obviously, you know, in pain and everything, but just singing hymns, you know, right to the point of death.

And he's just, you know, loving her and everything. And, you know, I just look at her and I go, she's, they're both younger than we are.

You know, I think about Beth Quinn, I think about, you know, other things and I'm like, you know what? I just, and I look at husbands knowing that death is inevitable, knowing that certainly one of us, right, either, you know, one of every married couple is going to go first.

And I just think, you know, if it's you, husband, and you're laying there dying, what are you going to be thinking about?

And I'll tell you what I'll be thinking about. What you were saying earlier, you know, if I could go back in time and change things, what would

I do? I'd be kinder, I'd be sweeter, I wouldn't sin so much against you, you know,

I'd watch what I said, I'd try to lead you in a more godly, you know, I do a lot of different things.

And you know, if it's your wife who dies, then what? And you're looking at her and you realize that you'd do anything to keep her.

So true. I mean, the motivation here is for loving your wife. You see what

Jesus did. But there's additional thing in here, Steve, that came to mind when you were talking, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor.

And of course, on that final day, that's what will happen. And of course, as our wives get closer to that final day, and so too do we,

I probably, I mean, I don't want to admit this on the air, but the Lord will glorify my wife.

And she'll be perfect in terms of her position, matching her practice and everything else.

Why am I so concerned? Why would I be concerned at all if she doesn't have a position that matches her practice even now, when ultimately it will be?

And so since the Lord is loving me as a sinner, why can't I just enjoy my wife to the fullest, even though she's far less than perfect?

What are you trying to say, that you don't necessarily need to play the role of the Holy Spirit in her life?

How can we be so stupid and foolish and dumb? You know, I could just sit here and talk about this for, you know, we'll probably do two shows on this and then go home and be rude to my wife.

What is that? I don't know. But husbands, parent your wives. Right?

That's exactly what this isn't saying. Number one, it says, if we're going to have a summary review, don't be a dictator, right?

A tyrant in your wife. Right. Number two, don't parent your wife. That is so true. And, okay, husbands, do you like to be parented by your wife?

Do you like to be treated by your wife like she's your mother? Of course not. And you know what it sounds like?

You know, sometimes I hear these things and I just go, do you realize, I mean, you probably, you talk more harshly to your wife than you do to your kids.

What makes you think that's okay? And in front of your kids. Yes. I mean, the language here of this passage, can you imagine?

Gave himself up for her, cleansed, sanctify, washing, cherish.

If we were to summarize those things, what would we call it? We call that love. That's right. That's exactly right.

Steve, often we bash the message Bible, translation, you know, it's not really a Bible. I wouldn't say often, just every show.

But it's just right here on the top of my list. I actually think he did a pretty good job here in terms of an interpretive, practical application.

Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church.

A love marked by giving, not getting. Pretty much, that's what love is, right?

That's not bad. I want what's best for the object of my love and I'm going to sacrifice for her.

Anything else practical that people should kind of walk through in their minds? I was even going to ask you a question though, you know, if we think about putting the other in front of ourselves, how can we do that and yet treat our wives as some guys do?

In other words, how can we convince ourselves that we're putting our wives first when we're actually putting ourselves first?

How do guys do that? Well, probably when I do it, it's just this insidiousness of sin, right?

The illogic of sin, the craziness of sin. Everything that's right, we do the opposite.

I don't know if it's pride, it's selfishness, we want things. I don't know what it is, but I definitely don't want to do that.

But I mean, how can I convince myself that I'm putting my wife first when the reality, any objective person would look at it and just go, well, you say this, but I see the husband doing all these things that indicate she's his last priority, right?

He does whatever he wants and he says whatever he wants and he goes wherever he wants and he spends whatever he wants and then she just kind of gets the leftovers.

Well, you know what, Steve, what I was thinking when you were talking about that is there's kind of a pushback against feminism and egalitarianism.

And instead of going to kind of the biblical middle and a biblical complementarianism, there's a lot of this patriarchy stuff that's really popping up,

I think, in reaction to feminism and uber -feminism. And I just want to reject a lot of that and say, do you know what?

I can still be the leader of the family, but pour out my life to love my wife and to give for her and to serve her.

And that doesn't usurp the leadership role that just almost builds it, right? You and I were both in the, sitting over there at my desk earlier today, both crying behind the scenes.

What are you talking about? Well, you were just crying on the air. Confess your own sins. Just thinking about, you know what?

One day we'll either die or our spouses will die, right? Every marriage begins in a celebration, ends in a tragedy, right?

In the old days, I always thought, well, I want to die first, right? Because I don't want to be stuck without Kim. But that's unloving, because the most loving thing would be, you know what?

You go to glory first, I'll miss you, but I'll hold down the fort with the kids and other stuff.

I mean, just trying to think through that is difficult, but I think healthy.

Well, I think it is too. And I think the unfortunate thing is way too many people, regardless of age or anything else, they're so self -focused.

You know, it just reminds me of there were Christian celebrities 20, 25 years ago, getting divorces based on the idea that God wants us to be happy.

And I think people are still living like that. That's right. You know, my needs come first, my kids, secondary, third.

I mean, like, I'm going to get a divorce and my kids are going to have to adapt. I'm going to do this and my kids are going to have to adapt.

I'm going to do this. I'm going to do this. My spouse is going to have to deal with it. But, you know, I just think husbands, your wives,

I mean, if you just think about it this way, I'm talking a lot about death, but if you just think about it this way, when you die, is your wife going to be able to truly say, he loved me?

Or if it's the other way around, are you going to be able to get up at her funeral? I mean, it's one of the most moving things

I've ever seen is a guy get up at his wife's funeral and actually talk and I was stunned.

But just the way he was able to talk about her and everything, knowing that he wasn't perfect, but just talking about her and all of her biblical strengths and everything else and her godliness.

And I think this is how it should be. This is, you know, instead of dragging your wife, you know, through the virtual mud, you know, it should be uplifting again in Ephesians, you know, edifying speech and all these kinds of things.

Focus on your own faults. Focus on her strengths. Yeah. Interesting. Steve, as you were talking about her strengths,

I think too many people say, well, you know what? I'm married to this person. And in our particular cases, our wives.

So we see behind the scenes, some of her weaknesses and sins and faults, and we see behind the curtain.

Okay. True. And vice versa. But also we see things behind the scenes that no one else sees on a positive, in a positive regard and tenderness and godliness and concern and nurturing as a mother and all these other things.

I see things about Kim that nobody gets to see. I'm not talking about the sinful things. I'm talking about the positive things.

And I think we can really rejoice in that and say the Lord is working and I get to see behind the scenes.

I mean, it just sounds so dumb and pragmatic, but it just depends on what you want to focus on. The things that they do well are the things that they don't.

I know which I'd like to be focused on. If people look at my life. But I'm not going to challenge you on this, but is it pragmatic from this standpoint?

You live with this person, right? And you can either look at Kim's strengths or you can focus on her strengths or focus on her weaknesses.

And if you focus on her weaknesses, what are you going to do? You're going to wind up doing exactly what

I was talking about a few minutes ago. You're going to wind up trying to correct those things. And you're either going to do that by parenting or spiritualizing it in another way, kind of playing the

Holy Spirit, nudging her, or maybe even confronting her. I know people who do this kind of thing, confronting her over her perceived sins, right?

And you're going to straighten that out. And I'm like, who do these guys think they are? Well, Steve, I took a cue from somebody like that and I got, you know, my wife likes tea,

EPG tips tea, this British tea. And so, you know, at the top of the teabag, there's that little piece of paper that you, you know, that's attached to the string that goes to the teabag.

I don't know what that piece of paper is, but I got special paper that had imprinted on it.

Wives submit to your own husbands as under the Lord. And so every time she has tea, what

I do to serve her is I put the teabag in in the morning and put the hot water in and I make sure it's just eye level to hand to her every time.

Do you use a little highlighter to just kind of underscore the text there? Well, you talked about pragmatism.

The text says he who loves his wife loves himself. I'm not trying to say God's a pragmatist.

I'm not trying to say to do this for only pragmatism, but dear Christian man, when you do love your wife and you cherish her and nurture her and consider her and don't order her and demand of her, guess what?

It helps you because then she flowers as it were, and she grows and she matures in Christ and you're together as one.

If you, the text says that he who loves his wife loves himself. And that's not a bad thing. Paul is not saying don't love yourself, you know, hedonistically.

No, no. He's telling you, love your wife, you love yourself. But I hate myself, therefore...

So if you treat your wife poorly, what is that really saying about yourself? I'm hating myself. Right. You know, you meet people and you're like, well, what's that?

You know, why are you here today? Well, I'm a cutter, right? The first time I heard that in this room,

I'm like, oh, I never, I never dealt with that before. I'm a cutter. Well, why do you cut?

We walked through the whole thing. Well, if you hate your wife, you're a cutter, essentially, you know, spiritually. Slash your wrists.

I know. Well, and I mean, it manifests itself in a number of ways.

You know, I don't, I don't let my wife do this. I don't let my wife do that.

Okay. Well, you know, it'd be like this. Why don't you just tie one of your legs, you know, up so it's folded and just kind of go through life like that.

Well, that'd be dumb. Okay. It's just as, you know, you can get behind crutches, pal. It's just as dumb to treat your wife as if she is a child, as if she is incapable of doing things.

I mean, I look at it this way. If I entrust things to my wife, essentially we have at least twice as much coverage, right?

I mean, we're twice as good if we're, if we're both functioning, we're twice as good as if, you know, only one of us is functioning at least twice as good, maybe more, right?

But I see, especially in parenting and stuff like that, some guys just like cut their wives legs out from underneath them, you know, treat them like they're nothing.

And I don't see how, I don't see the benefit in that. I don't know who I learned it from, but when our children were little, they got disciplined for disobedience or lying or deceit.

But if they disrespected their mother, the way I reacted, I think even Kim sometimes like, yeah, that's a little overreaction, but I don't want them disrespecting their mother because then they're going to get the wrath of dad.

I can remember, you know, I mean, it just, even that just brings back the visceral response.

I'm just like, I, I think I might've even said something one time that when something like this, you know, if you want to challenge me, feel free.

But if I ever hear you talk to your mother like that again, there, you know, there's going to be some real issues here.

So true. So just kind of a recap, we're talking about husbands loving your wives and, and the negative side, we don't think we should be dictators or parents, right?

We should love and cherish and, and, uh, is there anything wrong with trying to please your wife and make her happy?

I don't think so. If it's the expense of some biblical truth, right? No. Right. We don't want to do that.

Yeah. I mean, if making her happy means, you know, we have to start being Buddhist monks, then the answer is no.

And actually, I think the best thing that was said today was by Pastor Steve. If we're concerned about holiness,

I think happiness will follow. But if we're concerned about happiness, then probably hedonism and selfishness will follow.

Yeah. So if you today are married and you're a husband, maybe it'd be a good time to go home and say,

I love you. I care for you. I'm sorry. Forgive me. Uh, let's go out, uh, uh, who knows what?

Well, I mean, it, it's, it's good to be good and it's nice to be nice. And it's a million times more important in a marriage to, to do those things.

Amen. No Compromise Radio with Pastor Mike Abendroth is a production of Bethlehem Bible Church in West Boylston.

Bethlehem Bible Church is a Bible teaching church firmly committed to unleashing the life transforming power of God's word through verse by verse exposition of the sacred text.

Please come and join us. Our service times are Sunday morning at 1015 and in the evening at six. We're right on route 110 in West Boylston.

You can check us out online at bbcchurch .org or by phone at 508 -835 -3400.