Marriage: Happily Ever After? (Part 4)

I have a few questions for you this morning. Number one, are you a feminist?

Are you a feminist? All right, let's put it this way. Are you influenced by the feministic agenda of the world?

Mary Cassian's book called The Feminist Gospel came out in 1992, and she chronicled how modern -day feminism is creeping into the local church.

In the early 1800s, the first wave of feminism came along, and in 1848, 100

American ladies got together in Seneca Falls, New York, and they had 15 grievances, ranging from we're excluded from universities, we're excluded from pulpits, and we're obligated to obey our husbands.

Simone de Beauvoir came along and she wrote a book called The Second Sex, translated into English in 1953, and she said, along with a philosopher, you're free, you have autonomy, don't let anybody confine you, don't let anyone tell you what to do.

How can you, if you're a woman, get away from the kitchen, the church, and children? Well, the way to do this is to rebel against male superiority, rebel against being a mother, rebel against being a wife, and rebel against being a sweetheart.

Maternity is voluntary. Abortion must be readily available. Well, then in the 60s,

Betty Friedan, she popularized this idea in her book called The Feminine Mystique, 1963.

And for those ladies that would give their husbands the lunch at the door and kiss him goodbye, she said those ladies were trapped in the housewife syndrome.

How do you get out of the housewife syndrome? Well, basically, three issues, number one, education, number two, work, and number three, essentially, become like men.

Mary Daly taught at Boston College and she wrote a book in 1968 called The Church and the

Second Sex, mainly against the Roman Catholic Church and holding women away from leadership positions.

And as you know, these days, it's just more blunt, it's just more in your face, that is feminism. Sheila Cronin said, since marriage constitutes slavery for women, it is clear that the women's movement must concentrate on attacking this institution.

Freedom for women cannot be won without the abolition of marriage. Well, Vivian Gornick, not to be one -upped, said, being a housewife is an illegitimate profession.

The choice to serve and to be protected and planned toward being a family member is a choice that shouldn't be.

The heart of radical feminism is to change that. And it's all really a theological issue.

Anne -Laurie Gaylor was honest, at least, in 1988 in an article called

The Feminist Salvation. Let's forget about the mythical Jesus and look for encouragement, solace, and inspiration from real women.

Two thousand years of patriarchal rule under the shadow of the cross ought to be enough to turn women toward the feminist salvation of the world.

And, of course, you know where it ends. Cronin wrote for the Now Times in January 1988, the simple fact is every woman must be willing to be recognized as a lesbian to be fully feminine.

Well, what goes on in these arenas spills into the church, first into liberal churches, and then you have in Long Beach, California, the service starts off with the invocation.

May the God who mothers us all bear us on the breadth of dawn and make us to shine like the sun and hold us in the palm of her hand.

Our prayers like this that have actually been prayed, our mother God who is everywhere, holy be your names.

May your new age come, may your will be done in this and in every time and place. Meet our needs each day and forgive our failure to love as we forgive the same failure in others.

Save us in hard times and lead us in the ways of love for yours is the wholeness and the power and the loving forever.

Amen. So my question to you this morning is, have you been affected by that?

Have you been influenced by that kind of thinking? And I'll tell you from the get -go, I have, and I think everyone here has as well.

I've been here going into my 19th year now, and so far, the sign out front has only been tampered with twice.

We have letters out front and we have the name of the sermon and stuff. It was probably eight years ago that someone took all the different letters for that sermon title and rearranged them, and without losing one letter, put the words up similar to this phrase.

I can't remember the exacts now, but it says something like, Britney Spears rocks. And I thought it was quite clever.

At least they didn't lose any letters, and they didn't steal any letters. But this week, it said, marriage, happily ever after, and all the signed letters were stolen and ripped off.

And I thought that is a very fitting metaphor for what's going on with God's institution of marriage.

We will not have this man, Jesus, rule over us. So as you know, we've been in the book of Malachi, and Malachi is an oracle or a burden.

And in chapter 2, he, Malachi, through the inspiration of the spirit, was chiding men for divorcing their spouses and then marrying pagans.

And he used terms like the wife of your youth and your companion, and just sweetheart kind of language.

How could you do that? And so that made me think, when marriage is being attacked, this would be a good time to remind the congregation, because I need the reminder as well.

What does the Bible say about marriage? From the husband's role and from the wife's role.

And more specifically, not how can I have a happy marriage, because that's the wrong question. How can

I live a holy life in my marriage as a husband or as a wife, and then the fruit of that holiness will give you what?

Happiness. And so today, we're going to look at the lady's responsibilities in light of who they are in Christ.

If this is your first week, God bless you. Get last week's tape, cassette tape.

Where are the cassette tapes? I said in the first service, I love cassette tapes. That's how God ruled the world was through cassette tapes.

I kid you not, I watched a baptism one day in Los Angeles with my wife. I don't know if Steve was there yet or not.

I think he was still a pagan, but that's another story. And a person got in the baptismal water and said the

Lord Jesus has saved me. I was going to get in my car and go commit suicide. And I looked down at the curb, and there was a little cassette tape there.

And I picked up the tape, and it said, Pastor John MacArthur, Grace Community Church, spiritual suicide.

And I put that on my cassette player and listened to it, and God saved me. And here I am to testify of his grace in the waters of baptism.

That's maybe why the world is what it is now. There's no cassette tapes. What am

I doing? I'm having you laugh it up now, because there's not going to be laughing in about five minutes, believe me. So just get it all out of your system.

You know, we want marriages, since they do picture Christ in the church, we want them to be wonderful for God -honoring reasons and for pragmatic reasons as well.

But the fall is true, and the fall affected both men and women. And like Elizabeth Elliott said when she first married

Jim Elliott, her husband, she said, you know, when you get married, you think you got the prize, wives, but instead, wives, you got the surprise.

So let's turn our Bibles to Ephesians chapter 5 this morning. How can we live in light of the gospel as wives?

Of course, we looked last week about husbands, love your wives. Husbands, don't be embittered toward your wives.

Husbands, understand your wives from Ephesians, Colossians, and 1

Peter. But today, we're looking at the wives' response as we'll look at three strands of spiritual rebar that are all found in the forms of a command in light of who you are in Christ.

This isn't moralism. This isn't be better. Matter of fact, look at Ephesians chapter 1 to remind both husbands and wives.

Since God is so great and since he so freely graced you, what's your motivation for living?

Now, some people are motivated in life by greed or by fear. What motivates a Christian?

And I would say at the very top of the list, the list is long, but at the top of the list, it must be that God is so great and so greatly to be praised that he would save a sinner like me.

I want to respond with gratitude. I want to respond with what you tell me to do. I will gladly do, not to keep my position in Christ, but because of what you've done for me.

And what did God do for the Ephesians? What did he do for Paul? Twenty -five years later after the

Damascus Road, Paul still can say in Ephesians chapter 1 verse 3, blurting it out with like a

Roman candle -like, sparkler -like, firework effect.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who's blessed us in Christ. You won't have one blessing in the

New Testament outside of who Jesus is and union with him, but you get every single blessing in him with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places.

Paul is on fire for the gospel and Jesus, the

Father and the Son, the triune God have saved him. Paul, the Christian killer, and now

Paul is captive to this great grace. And how does he praise him?

Verse 4, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him.

Notice what the text does not say, that we were holy and blameless before him. If it said that, it would mean that God looked down the quarters of the proverbial time wormhole effect and he saw that you were holy and you were blameless and, huh,

I'll pick you. But since God knew about the fall because God ordained the fall, since God's sovereign over the fall, men and women and all their faculties affected by the fall, there was no way they could reach out to God.

There's no way they could approach God. There's no way they could save themselves. As Whitefield said, trying to get to God on your own works is like trying to climb to the moon in a ladder made of sand.

So God had to come down the ladder, Jacob's ladder, and his name was Jesus. Now, think about it.

Let's make it particular for the ladies. God didn't have to choose you.

If God was only a just God, he shouldn't have chosen you. The only reason

God chose you is not because of your works or baptism or good pleasure or what you did or you were kind or nice.

He chose you because he just said, I'm going to love you. I'm going to lavish my love on you.

Even so much so, look at verse 7, in him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins according to the riches of his grace, which he lavished upon us in all wisdom and insight.

God just said, I'm a gracious God, I'm a loving God, and I'm just going to lavish you with love. This is the parable of the good...

Not the good Samaritan, but of the prodigal sons. This is the parable of the father who...

What does he do? He does the absurd. No dad pulls up his robe and runs after some disobedient kid.

Parables are not meant to teach us, oh, this is a good way to parent. Parables are meant to teach us this one in Luke 15, how

God saves sinners with lavish love. He runs after them. My father used to come down the steps at our house in Omaha, and I lived in the basement, and I thought

I was usually safe from my father's wrath, but here's 6 foot 4, 240 pounds, I could just hear the steps coming, himself coming down the stairs, and I knew when

I heard those steps, I was going to get whacked. And so you think, okay,

I deserve to be whacked, I deserve to be damned for one sin. How many times do

I have to spit in the master's face before he bans me from his kingdom? And yet the steps that are coming down the steps are running to say,

I care for you, I love you, I've lavished my love on you, I pick you, I choose you, come here.

And in light of that, how do we live? If you knew somebody loved you with that kind of extravagant love, what's the response?

I'll do anything. It's the debt of love I owe. Yes, I'll gladly respond to you in any which way you please.

And so, wives, do you really believe that? Because rebar strand number one is, submit to your husbands.

Chapter 5, verse 22, you like to have a holy marriage, a God -honoring marriage in light of who you are in Christ Jesus kind of marriage?

Wives, verse 22 of chapter 5, submit to your own husbands as to the

Lord. For the husband is head of the wife even as Christ is head of the church, his body and is himself its savior.

Now, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

Have you been influenced by feminism? Even as I read this, I think to myself, it's even hard to read.

I mean, this is language of caveman stuff, isn't it? This is incendiary. This is like throwing some

Molotov cocktail in the middle of something saying, okay, this has to be destroyed, this kind of talk, subjugation and dominance.

This is dirty. This is abhorrent. This is like, you know, I need some kind of Claritin for this because it just makes me want to sneeze and get it out of my system.

But friends, it's right there in your Bible. What does the text say? Wives, be subject to your own husbands.

I mean, when I officiate weddings and I'm down here and we have the bride and the groom and you promise to love your wife, yes, and live with her in an understanding way, yes, not to be harsh with her, yes.

Nobody bats an eye. They're glad for the husband to say all that. And now bride -to -be, you promise to submit to your husband.

The air goes out of the room. It's Annie, get your gun. I promise to love and honor but not obey, she said.

This is like Fergie and Andrew when they got married in England in the royal pageantry of marriage.

And when she was told to love, honor and obey, she said it with her words but her face let everybody know.

That's old -fashioned. You can't believe that anymore. This, is it not the theological equivalent of bell -bottom jeans?

What does the word submission mean? That would probably help us. If you look at your text there, it's not in the

Greek. It's just to be supplied because the context is submission with the chapter.

But the word submit means to subject oneself, to be subordinated to. Outside the

New Testament, it's used of the military. My friend that I grew up with, this week becomes a three -star general in the

Air Force. And he has a position of rank and most people now are under him.

And there's a ranking. At the heart of this word in the New Testament, be subject to, submit to is one of divine order.

God has an order for things. He's a very orderly God. And this means to place yourself under because of God's order.

Why is there anti -Semitism in the world today? I'll give you the root cause. People hate the sovereignty of God. And when

God says, I choose you, Israel, all hell breaks loose. Similarly, you can see the effect that this has on people because this is

God's order. God's the creator. And God says, husbands are the leaders. They might be better.

They might be worse. This has nothing to do with inferiority. This has nothing to do with, you know, me,

Tarzan, you, Jane. This has to do with God's ordered economy. To place yourself under, even if you disagree.

Say, I submit to my husband all the time because I agree with him all the time. That's not submission. Submission is when you disagree and you go along anyway because God's over your husband.

It means you yield so much that you obey. So I ask the question.

This has been a lecture so far. Let me look at you in the eyes and ask the question. Wives, do you submit to your husbands?

Wives, do you submit to your husbands? I just feel the weight of that.

I know feminism has affected me. The text is what the text is. Think about this for a second. What does the text not say?

Well, it's interesting. Titus Chapter 1, qualification for elders. 1 Timothy Chapter 3, qualification for elders.

1 Timothy 3, qualifications for deacons. 1 Timothy Chapter 5, qualifications for widows on the list.

What are the qualifications found for submitting to your husband in Ephesians Chapter 5? There are no qualifications.

It just says submit to your husbands. Now, two times in the

New Testament, women are told to be in submission. One is in the local church.

1 Timothy 2, let a woman quietly receive instruction with entire submissiveness.

And here now, secondly, to your own husband. You say, well, you know what?

I do other things well. I supply the family with...

I shop for them and I even have a part -time job and I'm a Proverbs 31 worker. I do a lot of things, but I don't do this thing and I won't do this thing.

Can I just read to you some words from Titus to show you the gravity of it all? Older women, what do you think they're supposed to teach younger women?

One, to love their husbands. Two, love their children. To be sensible, pure workers at home, kind, subject to their own husbands, that the

Word of God may not be dishonored. ESV translates it, reviled, blasphemed.

It's so important that when a wife doesn't submit to her husband, the

Word of God is blasphemed. You say, well, my husband abuses his authority, so I don't have to submit.

Friends, because something is abused or misused, doesn't mean it's wrong. Arkand Hughes, ever the wordsmith, said,

I have seen couch potatoes who order their wives and children around like the Grand Sultan of Morocco.

Adulterous, misogynist, with the domestic ethics of Jabba the Hutt. Who cow their wives around with Bible verses about submission.

By the way, husbands, never say to your wives, see right here, Ephesians 5. Insecure men whose wives do not dare go to the grocery store without permission.

But the fact that evil disordered men have perverted

God's Word is no reason to throw it out. Paul's not saying women aren't good.

Paul's not saying women aren't equal in Christ. Galatians 3, verse 20, he makes that clear. In Romans, what about the women who have served the church there so well?

Eight out of 26 ladies, if memory serves me, Paul commends, back in those days, who commended women for their work?

God through Paul. This has nothing to do with inferiority.

This has nothing to do with indignity. Women are image bearers. And I can prove my point with one verse, that submission does not mean inferiority.

Paul wrote to Corinthians in 1 Corinthians 11, I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man. And the man is the head of the woman.

And God the Father is the head of Christ the Son. Equal essence, equal nature, and yet there's just a subordination even within the

Trinity. But you can feel the pressure.

Did God really say? Is that what He really says? But the gender police are everywhere.

Almost 20 years ago, people were writing into the National Review saying that the school crossing signs where there's an older, taller boy holding the younger, shorter girl's hand see the domination of men everywhere, even in the school signs.

There are gender police at the Smithsonian National History Museum. Yeah, the way that waterhole is set up with the male lion and the female lion is sexist.

See the way the heart of beast are set up there? It's a sexist ordering of economy. Turn to 1

Peter 3, please. What would you tell a group of people who are running for their lives literally because of persecution?

Certainly, you'd tell them how to hold up under persecution and to count it all joy when you fall into trials of a

James -like attitude. And yet, the order of the local marriages was so important that Peter echoes

Paul in 1 Peter 3. And this is,

I find, very important for me because some will say, what if my husband's an unbeliever?

What if I'm more godly than my husband? What if I have a higher IQ than my husband?

What if he's a brand new Christian? What about this? What about that? And so, 1 Peter gives us the answer, chapter 3, verse 1.

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands. When he says likewise, he means back to chapter 2, verse 13, submit yourselves for the

Lord's sake to every human institution. He brings it back to servants, be submissive to your masters because he's on the theme of submission.

Be subject to your own husbands so that even if some do not obey the word, that's a present tense, they're not obeying the word, they don't obey the word, their life is characterized by disobedience, they're unbelievers.

Submit yourself to your own husbands, the unbeliever, so that they might be one without a word by the conduct of their wives.

Of course, you're only saved through the proclamation of Christ Jesus, the risen Savior. But there is this effect that wives have on husbands when they have this kind of attitude, verse 2, when they see your respectful or chaste and pure conduct or behavior.

They watch its effect. I could talk to many ladies and say, what was it that the

Lord used in your husband's life to save him? They would talk about, the husband knows that I'm different.

Verse 3, do not let your adorning be external. He means external only. He means a preoccupation with, you've got to look good on the outside, braiding of hair, putting on gold jewelry or the clothing you wear.

Back in those days, you could divorce your spouse as quickly as you changed the oil in your car, so what did they do?

I better look good all the time or I'm gone, the wives would say. That sounds familiar today as well.

Don't let your adorning be external only. And what would they do back in those days?

It's not wrong to look good. He's not saying be as dour as possible. But they would overdo it, braiding of hair.

They would try to get their hair up on top of their head that it would make beehive hairdos and B -52's hairdos seem small.

I guess you don't know who that band is. It's not a B -52 plane. Okay, I'm going to say this anyway.

If you think New Jersey hair is big, okay, back on point, or wearing gold jewelry, there's nothing wrong with jewelry, but when it's the external display,

I am who I am based on the outside, they put it on their ankles, on their arms, on their fingers, bracelets, rings, putting on dresses or clothing, this is all excess.

He's not saying running around, we're prohibiting all clothing to wear. That's obviously not the point.

I hope it's not the point. No, it's excess is the idea. Is beauty only skin deep?

Verse 4, but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit.

That's what they talked about when they talked about the Lord Jesus. He was gentle and humble in heart. Take my yoke upon me.

This inner quality of a woman that reflects who Jesus was, free from decay.

The outside body decays, clothes decay. This inward person, this inward woman doesn't decay.

Verse 5, for this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves by...

Are you sure you're not affected by feminism? Because it's even hard to read.

If you think verse 5 is hard to read, how about verse 6? Verse 5 ends with, by submitting their own husbands. You want to act in a holy way toward God, submit to your husbands.

And then it only seems to get worse before it gets better. Verse 6, as Sarah obeyed

Abraham, calling him Lord, and you are her children, like mother, like daughter, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.

The mother of God's people, as it were, in the Old Testament, Sarah, this is how she acted. Calling him

Lord. Who here calls her husband Lord? Okay, don't raise your hands all at the same time. Let's go back to Ephesians chapter 5.

I find it interesting that, and I have three daughters, of course, and a wife, and I want to teach my daughters how to act toward their potential husband and those kind of things.

And this would be very helpful for those who struggle with submission, the fallible people, the sinful people.

This would be helpful to teach my daughters, and I think it'd be helpful for you ladies, therefore. Ephesians 5 .22,

wives, be subject to your own husband as to the Lord. Now, listen to what

Brian Chappell said. The idea is that as the woman submits to her husband, she looks over his shoulder to see the

Lord who is saying, you are ultimately doing this not for him, but for me.

Now, she's not seeing the Lord with her eyes, because then we have other problems.

But this is an act of worship. I'm going to submit to the Lord, and since you want me to submit to my husband,

I will. Not as though you're God, but as though my submission to my husband is an act of submission to the

Lord. Tied so closely together, because Paul's going to talk about husbands and wives and how it reflects upon marriage as well.

Paul said it this way, in Colossians, wives, submit to your husbands as in what's fitting in the

Lord. It's proper. Maybe I could put it this way. The opposite of submission is to ignore, to undermine your husband's authority, to counter your husband authority.

Verse 23, do you see the tie -in to the gospel? Husbands, love your wives like Christ loved the church was the tie -in for the husbands.

Here's the tie -in for the ladies here, for the husband.

Verse 23, as head of the wife, even as Christ is head of the church, His body and is Himself its Savior. In other words, if you're having a hard time with submission, you have a theological problem.

Go back to theology. No, go back to Christology. How does Christ love the church?

And what's the church's response to her Savior? Submission.

Freely, voluntarily, joyfully, verse 24, but as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.

What about finances? Yes. What about child raising? Yes. What about...

Yes. What about... Yes. Does the text not say everything? There are no off limits to submission, no compartments just for you.

And so when you don't get your way, you don't resort to cutting remarks or demeaning looks or accusations, bitterness, nagging.

Here's what Martha Peace said, and I thought she was helpful on how to submit to your husband who's fallen.

Do give your opinion. Do appeal what you consider. Remember that God's watching.

And then she said, at the end of all that, and you pray and talk and work through it, and you still disagree, because remember, submission is not agreement, and you still disagree.

You say to your husband, whatever you decide, I'll do it. That's submission. And of course, you can remember the other definition of submission in marriage.

It's the wife ducking out of the way so God can hit the husband. Whatever you decide, duck.

Now, I don't usually promote movies from the pulpit, and I'm not promoting the movie now, but it gives me a good illustration. This week, we saw

McFarland, USA. And I just typed in, you know, is this a bad movie, good movie, you know, and Disney tells you or, you know,

IMBD tells you. And so, this running coach was dealing with a bunch of poor student runners in a very poor community, and he's starting to do well as a coach, so he gets recruited by a really nice place in Palo Alto, and he's going to get a nice car, a nice home, and he's going to get out of the slums, essentially, in Central California.

And the husband and wife are talking about it, working through all the issues. And finally, the wife said, honey,

I know it must be a really hard decision, but wherever you decide, I'm behind you. I about fell over because that's not how it works.

Usually, in Hollywood, it's men are dumb, men are adults, men are depraved. And by the way, that's all true. Is it?

See, none of the guys laughed on that one, but all the ladies did. Just need to listen to last week's message.

Whatever you decide, I'm backing you. I wonder if that's the way you treat your husband in front of your kids as his position of leadership as God ordained.

It is the attitude of 1 Corinthians 7, how she may please her husband.

You say, who's adequate for these things? Of course, no one is. It has to be given by God, but this is the command of God.

Rebar strand number two. Rebar strand number two. Number one, submit to your husbands in light of who you are in Christ.

And number two, respect your husbands. Ephesians 5 .33, please.

And again, if you want verse -by -verse exposition, I'm essentially giving that today, but just around the topic of marriage because it is so important.

We have some marriages here that are wonderful. By the way, we have some ladies here who do these very things in a great way.

And I just watch you submit to your husband, and love your husband, and respect your husband. I think that is a way to go, way to go.

And we have others who struggle, struggle, struggle. But through the word, God changes people.

And if you believe in the resurrection of Jesus, it's not too late for you because God has that same resurrection power for his children.

Verse 33, however, let each one of you love his wife as himself. He's wrapping it up here.

He's reviewing. And let his wife see that she respects her husband. NAS said the same thing.

See to it she respect her husband. So not just submission, but respect.

So before I define it, let me ask you, wives, do you respect your husband? Let me put it this way.

When's the last time you said to your husband, I respect you? When's the last time you said to your husband in front of your children,

I respect you? Now see, the way this is set up is since men and women aren't the same, there are different commands for each one.

There's no symmetry involved. This is why I don't let people write their own wedding vows because they're always symmetrical, but men and women are different.

Unlike the world that says if you think you're a man, you're a man. If you think you're a woman, you're a woman. For men, our tendency is not to love our wives sacrificially, so we need the command.

Our tendency is to be bitter toward them because they're not doing what we'd ask them to do or want to do or wish they would do.

And for the wives, they don't have the bitterness command, they have the respect command.

And it's not symmetrical because wives have to be under a husband who is not

Jesus, who isn't perfect, and who has sinned, and it is hard to respect someone who's not perfect.

So the command is given to the wife because she's the one of a lower rank. I didn't say she's of lower quality, she's not inferior, but in ranking, she's subordinate.

And so it says, let her see she respects her husband. What's that word respect mean?

Now, King James translates it to revere, E -S -V -E -N -E -S, to respect.

It's kind of a nice bookend. Look at chapter 5, verse 21. Paul writes like this very often in chapter 5, verse 21, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ or out of respect for Christ.

That's the tie -in, except here's the thing, the Greek word is fear. But we have been so influenced by feministic theology that if we say,

I mean, just imagine if I'm officiating a wedding, do you promise to submit to your husband and you can hear somebody laugh?

Do you promise to obey your husband, you can hear somebody laugh? But what if I said, and do you promise to fear your husband?

But the word is fear. And notice the singular. He's writing to a church, a group of churches in a circular letter, but he addresses the particular.

You can feel the Nathan -like finger right at you, you particular wise.

Do you submit to your husbands? And now it's, do you respect your husband? Harold Hohner said, the idea of respect is too mild a concept.

My favorite commentary of all the Ephesians commentaries is Peter O 'Brien, and he consistently writes well.

And he said, fear is a better rendering than reverence or respect. It's not slavish fear that's in view, rather the wife's fear of her husband, which reflects the fear of believers who are subordinate to those in authority over them, recognizing his

God -given position as head. But maybe the best definition, there's five components of it,

Charles Hodge, the great Protestantian Presbyterian, and I'll repeat these, that the biblical concept of fear means respect, reverence, adoration, deference unto obedience, and acknowledgment of positional superiority.

Let me repeat those. Respect, reverence, adoration, deference unto obedience, and acknowledgment of positional superiority.

Now, here's the thing. If you all don't respect me, but my wife does,

I can live on that for decades. Of course, I want you to have a good opinion of me.

But if my wife respects me, honey, I respect you. I can live with other people not respecting me.

But if my wife doesn't respect me, all your respect in the world times 500 million over isn't going to last me at all.

And so, the command is given, respect your husband. If we don't want to say fear, then let me just say respect.

I ask you again, when's the last time your husband heard you say or saw the actions that represented this,

I respect you so much. Respect, reverence, adoration, it's all there.

These commands are given without conditions. You say, yeah, but that old jail saying is to get respect, you have to give it.

Well, this is not jail, this is Christ's ordained marriage. I found this insightful, maybe ladies, this would be helpful.

The husband is to be the wife's best friend, not her best girlfriend.

Albert Barnes, a wife therefore should never give her husband occasion to command her to do anything or forbid anything.

His known wish, except in cases of conscience, should be law to her.

The moment she can ascertain what his will is, that moment ought to settle her mind as to what it is to be done.

Respect, this does not mean you make fun of him in an ungodly way, impatient, short, irritated, giving him looks that kill, withhold affections, manipulation, condescending speech like, my dad would never do that.

What's the matter with you? I told you so, after he made a decision that turned out wrong.

That's not respect. Sure is quiet in here, isn't it?

Number three, submit, respect, help. The third strand of rebar is to help.

Now, I know me, so I know you to some degree. It's like I get taught a truth, but then if I go home and try to implement it right away, then maybe they'll say, yeah, just that's because Pastor Mike said that.

Let me just tell you ladies something. Guys, just tune this out for a second. If you go home today and say to your husband, you know,

I heard that sermon today and I just don't think I respect you enough. Do you think you could forgive me? And I just want you to know I totally respect you and I'm so glad you're my husband,

I respect you. Your husband is not going to go, Mike told you to do it. It's like my discipleship class,

I had all the guys write love letters to their wives. One guy told me, I haven't written a love letter to my wife in 35 years.

That's the problem. So then the next week, we all got together, how'd it go?

What'd your wife say when she got this love letter? Some were like, oh, she's crying.

I just tucked it under her pillow and I could tell she got it and it was really sweet just to listen to these guys.

Then one guy said, well, would you like to know what my wife said? I said, yeah, you know, we're on pins and needles, we're going to have some tear -jerking moments, you know.

She said, Mike made you do this, didn't he? And my response to her would be, yes,

I did, but secretly, deep down, you loved it, didn't you? I guarantee you, you cannot say to your husband enough,

I respect you. If you've only got room for I love you and I respect you, it's so important,

I would just switch the love to respect, I respect you. Number three is help.

Let's turn to Genesis chapter 2. We need to land this plane. Genesis chapter 2, the third strand of rebar to help struggling marriages and to keep good marriages where they are because of Christ's love for the church and her response to him, help your husband.

Genesis 2 .18. Now, we spent a little time on Genesis 2 .18 and some of this language a couple of weeks ago when we were in Malachi, but I'll read it again anyway because the husband got three exhortations and so I figured the ladies need three as well.

Chapter 2 of Genesis verse 18. Notice the different words for God and Lord and are they all caps and all those things.

And so the Lord God said, it is not good that man should be alone. I will make him a helper fit for him.

Now, out of the ground, the Lord God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them.

Whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. Man gave names to all the livestock and the birds of the heavens and every beast of the field.

But for Adam, it was not found a exact same language, helper fit for him.

So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man and while he slept, took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh.

Verse 22, and the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man, he made into a woman and brought her to the man.

And then the man said, by the way, with an exclamation, this is poetry, this is wow, this is at last bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh.

She shall be called woman for she was taken out of man. Therefore, man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife and they shall become one flesh.

And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed. And so you see in this section two times, can't you see it if you zero in on chapter 2 verse 18, a helper fit for him.

And then again in verse 20, a helper fit for him. This is all in the garden before the fall.

This is not any kind of sin tainted. This is everything was good. It's very good in God's estimation for a helper to be with Adam.

A helper fit for him, our meat for him, as some translations translate it.

It means corresponding to, it means in front of. They're one flesh and so they're close and so they're helpful to one another.

But here it's the woman helping the man. Billy Graham was a preacher and is a preacher, and his wife was named

Ruth Bell Graham. Sometimes people ask me, well, you know, what does your wife do here at the church?

And I've never said this, but maybe

I should from now on. When Ruth Graham was asked what her ministry was, how'd she respond? And since we are all affected by feminism in our flesh in the fall, this will strike us first oddly and then wonderfully.

Ruth, what's your ministry? Billy is my ministry, to help, to help in ministry, to help with work.

You can even see the Proverbs 31 woman, and she wakes up early. She goes to bed late at night. She sweats and toils to help the husband, to help the family.

And what does King Lemuel do? He is commended to see such a godly lady, to be a helper.

I think one guy said she is to be a helpmate, not a hurtmate. So, ladies,

I ask you the question. I know many of you do, but do you help your husband? You're known as a helper, or you have your own thing going on over here.

It's your own sphere. This is a planet in the orbit you live in, and your husband's got his over there. According to the

Bible, you're to be a helper, a helpmate suitable. The world is trying to wreck marriage.

It's trying to destroy marriage. So, how do we live?

What do we do? Well, the best thing we could do is the husband has his role in light of Christ, and the wives have their view.

And those who are widowed or divorced or single, they say, we're going to pray for the married couples at the church, because that's where Satan is going to attack.

He attacks governing authorities, the government he attacks, the church he attacks, and marriages he attacks.

Maybe you say, I can't do these, so let's put them as three prayer requests for the husbands and the wives this week.

Lord, help me to submit, help me to... What's the second one again? Respect and help me to help.

Now, I'm going to read to you in closing something from Charles Haddon Spurgeon. You know what I like about Spurgeon?

Methodists like Spurgeon. Baptists like Spurgeon. Well, he was a Baptist. Presbyterians even like Charles Haddon Spurgeon.

Never met a Presbyterian who didn't like him. You see, you don't get out much. I know it's only anecdotal, but I'm going to read something that Spurgeon wrote about his wife, a tribute to his wife.

And then I want you to ask yourself the question, what does feminism say, and what does the

Bible say, and which one of these two competing philosophies best matches up with this?

This is a tribute to his wife, Charles Haddon Spurgeon. Quote, she delights in her husband, in his person, his character, his affection.

To her, he is not only the chief and the foremost of mankind, but in her eyes, he is all in all.

Her heart's love belongs to him and to him alone. He is her little world, her paradise, her choice treasure.

She is glad to sink her individuality in him. She seeks no renown for herself.

His honor is reflected upon her and she rejoices in it. She will defend his name with her dying breath.

Safe enough is he where she can speak for him. His smiling gratitude is all the reward she seeks.

Even in her dress, she thinks of him and considers nothing beautiful, which is distasteful to him.

He has many objects in life, some of which she does not quite understand, but she believes them all, and anything she can do to promote them, she delights to perform.

Such a wife as a true spouse realizes the model marriage relation and sets forth what our oneness with the

Lord ought to be. Charles Haddon, let's pray.

I thank you, Father, for the day and how we can look to your word. Would you renew us by the transforming of our minds through the scripture?

Father, I especially pray for the husbands today. It'd be so much easier on our wives if we loved sacrificially, if we lived with them in an understanding way, if we weren't harsh with them.

So help us to lead. I pray for the wives today,

Father, that they would, in fact, do this very thing. Not even for the sake of the husband, not even for the sake of a happy marriage, but just to honor you.

Not to keep their position before Christ because that's already sealed, but because they've been forgiven, they've been redeemed, reconciled.

Your wrath has been propitiated for them because of Jesus. He intercepted it, saved, adopted, heirs, co -heirs, having the hope of heaven, the word of God, the dwelling of the

Holy Spirit. We have all these things. The women who are married here have these things if they're in Christ, and I pray that we'd see some transformation of marriages here at church.

Father, I pray some would just grow with more and more fruit that they might help others, and the ones that are on the edge now,

I pray that you'd grant both husband and wife humility and love for you, and then love for one another.

I pray that you'd restore some of these marriages that seem to be on the precipice. Father, please do that.

You help, as this Lady Eve was called, helper. You are regularly in the

Bible and only called after that, the only one who's a helper, and so would you help us? I ask this in Jesus' name, amen.