22 - Lesson 12: The Christian Home, Part 1

Introduction to Discipling and the Christian Home

Well, welcome to the Striving for Eternity Academy's School of Discipleship. This is our class in an introduction to discipling. This is the last lesson at least, probably not the last class. This is a longer lesson, so we'll take at least two weeks, maybe three at the rate that I go.

But it is an important one when discipling, especially new believers. We welcome all those who are attending for the first time, who are in class for the very first time and you're going, what is this funny looking guy doing on my screen?

What we're trying to do is to encourage you and to teach you different ways of discipling, some important lessons when discipling, what to focus on, what not to focus on. This is something that every one of us that are named in the name of Christ are called to do as disciple.

How we do it? A lot of different ways. We've been sharing throughout this class many different ways that you can disciple, whether it's through knitting or running together, lifting weights together, playing tennis, doing things together.

Gee, I kind of mentioned sports with all the guy things, right? Well, knitting, many guys can do knitting, I don't know. I don't, but I'm sure there's some who do. But there's a lot of different things you could do together, especially with newer believers, things that you might have in common where you have opportunities to sit down and study together or talk over the scriptures together or just pour your life into another person.

That's what discipleship is all about, pouring your life into another individual. Now what we've been doing throughout this class to facilitate that is going through a book called Growing in Grace, which you can obtain from our store if you want to get it and you can pick up a copy.

Growing in Grace is a book that, as I've mentioned before, was written by church leadership, a church that I was, my first church, Gospel Light Baptist Church, which no longer exists. But the leadership there, we wrote that, different chapters, and we used it as new people would come into the church, we would go over this with them.

I know several churches that are now using this book and teaching through it in a Sunday school class, homeschoolers that are teaching, going through their kids. I went through this book with my children and so it is something that you can use in a lot of different ways to do discipleship and if you want to get copies, you can order them.

You can always go to the website down there and pick up a copy. So the advantage of it is just that it's really something for basic principles of Christian belief. That's really what it is. So a lot of this stuff would be usable in all churches, even those of differing belief systems, let's say.

Some areas we talked about, baptism, maybe you're getting some issues there. But even, like I said, even Presbyterians believe in a believer's baptism, so even that they could teach and not have so much of an issue with it.

But that being said, as we're going through this class, we always have been saying that the important thing to do is to be repetitive when you have a student. You want to be discipling them, you want to keep rehearsing, going through over and over what you went over last week.

So let's review last week. So as we look, last week we talked about evangelism. As I knock some things over here, if you got to hear that in the background, who knows? We have this sheet up here, we have at the top, it talks about evangelism, gives you some Greek words, and you can review that with a student.

We talked last week about the meaning of evangelism, the motivation of evangelism, the message of evangelism. Now, you see here, what I have here is put together by a friend of mine, and he put in here a prayer of salvation, and it is what's known as the sinner's prayer.

That is there because a friend of mine put this together. I don't, I'll say that we don't really encourage people to do a sinner's prayer. When I ask someone to pray, I will ask them to pray, and I'll pray after them.

And one of the reasons I do that, at least, is if you know you're a sinner before Holy God, no one needs to tell you what to say. Some people focus on a prayer as if the prayer is what saved them. And so, those of you who have access to those, that will be on our Striving for Eternity Academy page, where those will be made available.

That is something that those slides, when you use that, it may be an opportunity for you to explain. But the concepts in that prayer are there, that you have to recognize yourself as a sinner needing forgiveness of God.

So, the concept is there, but I don't lead someone in prayer. I just don't think that's biblical. I know it's common, but it's common in leading people to false conversion as well, so we want to be careful with that.

The Christian Home as a Legacy for Our Lord

Today's lesson is going to be on the Christian home, and it's subtitled, A Legacy for Our Lord, A Legacy for Our Lord. And so, as we look at this, whether you are part of a family or not, now, we're all part of a family.

I understand. We're all part of a Christian family. I understand. But some of us may not have believing family members like myself. When I became a Christian, I wasn't in a Christian home. I was in a Jewish home.

Certain things still applied and certain things didn't. When I moved out on my own, I was on my own. And I was single for a while, so we're going to deal with some things like that. But whether you're part of a family or not, the Christian home is vital to handing down of our faith in Christ to a next generation.

Now, the institution of the family was very important to God. He instituted it. We have to keep that in mind. By the way, just a side note. When people come in, in the government, and they want to redefine what marriage is, stay out of the church issue.

You believe in separation of church and state? Then don't redefine marriage. It's a church issue. Just saying. I always find it interesting they want separation of church and state when it comes to what we want to enforce on them, but then they want to take our issues and change the definitions.

You don't get that, right? God defines marriage. Just saying. Okay, I'll get off that soapbox. Thank you. So, in this study, we're going to examine the basic guidelines for the family as well as address some principles for Christians that are single.

All right? So, I know when Christians talk about the family, those who are single, tune out to this. I remember being in a church where half the church were, well, because I was in college and I was bringing lots of college friends, half the church was single because so many of us were still in college and it was interesting because the pastor would use these illustrations about marriage and many of us who were single were just like, yeah, I can't relate.

I don't understand that yet. And so, it was a funny thing that ended up having to, gee, we need different illustrations, thanks, because we don't quite get what you're talking about. So, you can have that.

And so, we want to, in this lesson, we're going to talk about things in the home and you say, well, I'm single. Well, do you plan to get married? If you plan to get married, these things we're going to talk about, the husband-wife relationship, they're going to be vitally important to you for two reasons.

One, if you are wanting a spouse, you want to examine this to know what to look for in a godly spouse. What does a godly husband look like? What does a godly wife look like? What should you be looking for?

That's one reason. Second thing is you want to be examining yourself and say, am I exhibiting the things that would make me a godly husband or godly wife? And if not, maybe I need to work on some things before I get married.

If you work, if you go through this lesson and you work on being a good spouse to your future spouse, if God would have you have a future spouse, and no matter what age, I know people that waited until they were in their 50s before they got married for the first time.

Some people, that's how God wants to do it. And that could be some of you. But the thing is that when we look at ourselves, we want to model ourselves to be that godly spouse so someone may want to marry us.

And a lot of the issues that could be resolved in marriage, especially if you haven't been married, you've been single for a long time, people bring a lot of issues into marriage and a lot of those things can be solved while you're still single.

Marriage, Divorce, and the Christian Family

So let's start with some guidelines for the Christian family. Guidelines for the Christian family. We're going to start with the institution of marriage. We see this, let's pick up the verse in Genesis 2, 23 and 24.

This is the text that we have that talks about marriage, the first text. Then the man said, This is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. She will be called woman because she was taken out of man. Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and shall hold fast and they shall become one flesh.

Now notice that last verse before you take it away. Notice that last verse. Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother. Now stop right there and do some thinking. Who was Adam and Eve's father and mother?

Right? I mean, shouldn't that cause you to go, wait a minute, this is spoken to Adam and Eve. They have no father and mother. They're the beginning. This tells you that when God instituted marriage, it was not something that He did just for Adam and Eve because the first part of it doesn't apply to them.

They didn't leave father and mother. Their children would have had to. But they're unique in that way. They never had father and mother to leave. So let us look at what we have here in your Growing in Grace book.

It says, Marriage is a very special institution in the eyes of God. It was through the institution of marriage that life would be procreated, loneliness would be prevented, Christ's love for the church would be pictured, and the truths of Christianity would be promoted.

Notice the truths about the institution of marriage. And when I say, actually let me back up for a second. When I say the truths of Christianity would be promoted, this does not mean that some think that just because your parents are Christian, you're Christian.

You see, Christianity is unique that way in the fact that most religions, you're born into that belief system. Christianity is one that you must be born again into. So no one's born a Christian. You may be born into a Christian home, but you're not born a Christian.

Okay? And that's an important distinction to make. And we make that distinction just so that we know that as we look at these things, the home is something where when you raise children, we're to raise them in the teachings and admonition of the Lord.

That doesn't mean they're guaranteed to be Christian when they grow older. But often it is because they're trained at a young age not to rebel against the things of God as the world system would teach them.

All right? Now, less and less we're seeing that within many Christian homes because they're giving their children over to the government schools and to the media, which is indoctrinating them far more than the parents who are taking their kids to youth group once a week and the youth groups nowadays are teaching them to lick peanut butter out of someone's armpit.

Yeah, that actually happens in youth groups. Pretty disgusting. I don't think that's really a biblical youth group, just saying. But when we look at that, going to church for an hour a week is not going to outdo the six hours a day in government schools and who knows how much media the kids are absorbing.

All right? Video games, music, movies, TV. They're getting indoctrinated with an anti-Christian message. You think an hour a day is going to suffice? No, it's not. But it's our job as parents as we'll get to, to train them up.

So, let's look at some of the things, the institution of marriage. First, first point is that marriage is to be magnum... First day with a new tongue. Mono... I can't say it. I'm sorry. Mono juris. I just...

Okay, you know what I mean. That's supposed to be one man for one woman. It's not supposed to be a plurality. Okay? It says in the verse we just looked at and this is the answer to your blank. It is to, that's your first blank, to which shall become one flesh.

Genesis 2, 24. You can also see this in Mark 10, 18. Marriage is supposed to be... No, I'm not going to try it again. I've messed it up enough. Enough people laughing. But it's supposed to be mono being one.

So, it's not a plurality. It's not pluralism. It's not having multiple wives which I always find interesting. It's multiple wives usually. You don't see any teachings where it's multiple husbands. You know, one wife with multiple guys.

Just saying. You can kind of clearly see that those that believe in polygamy just have this idea it's usually man created because they want multiple wives. I actually did hear, I had a friend of mine from college who was a Latter Day Saint and he sent me articles trying to justify polygamy and the advantages of having multiple wives.

One can watch the children while you go out on the dates with the other wife. One might be a really good cook and be a homemaker while the other earns an income. You have multiple incomes that can be made and you know, the kids grow up together and it's like all this stuff and I'm like, did you ever read Genesis?

I mean, just look at what happened you know, with Rachel and Leah. I mean, just, hello? It doesn't work out. There's jealousies that occur. You know, I don't care about the TV shows that try to promote it.

You know, what's that show? I know of it but I haven't watched it. Something, Sister Wives, yeah, yeah. Oh, this guy's going to try and say he's got all these wives and they all get along. Yeah, right, I'm sure.

I'm sure there's lots of jealousies but it's supposed to be magnanimous. Okay, forget it. Just one, one man, one man, one woman. Alright? It's supposed to be heterosexual. As you saw in that passage, a man, that's your first blank, a man shall leave his father and mother to cleave to his wife, that's your second blank.

Man and wife are your blanks. So, first one, the blanks are two and one so two become one flesh. Here it's a man shall leave his father and mother and become and cleave to his wife. So, you see that it's heterosexual.

God defined it this way and so for to a world system that wants to try to redefine what marriage is to be something that they wish it would mean that's not the definition of marriage. God defined it as one man and one woman that's the definition of marriage.

When you have two men together or two women together it may be some sort of union but it's not marriage. Alright? And there's a reason why the shall we say those who are those who are promoting homosexuality want to redefine marriage.

You see, they could just call it a common law you know contract I mean you have common law marriage you have people that have been living together and they just call it a common law type of situation so it's you could have a common law union you could have a same sex union okay?

The government can define that and we may not agree with it but they could do that. They can't redefine marriage. God defined marriage as one man with one woman okay? That's the definition that God has provided from the very beginning okay?

When it was just Adam and Eve and he clearly set this to be a long term thing when he says to Adam and Eve who had no father and mother that man would be separate from father and mother and cleave to a wife alright?

So that's what you end up seeing God defines marriage that way. Also you see a marriage is to be permanent yikes. Was divorce ever part of God's perfect design for marriage? Well the answer for your blank there is no no it wasn't.

Take a look at Matthew 19 verse 4 I'm sorry did I say 4 or 8? He said to them because of the hardness of your heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives but from the beginning it was not so so you see there is from the very beginning God never planned for divorce.

The answer that's no. God did not have a plan for divorce. It was supposed to be permanent. Okay? In Mark 10 9 what therefore God has joined together let man not separate separate. And that's your blank there when God has put together what God has put together let man not separate.

And then we see in Malachi you know that's one of those Old Testament books for the man who does not love his wife but divorces her says the Lord the God of Israel covers his garment with violence and says to the Lord of hosts so guard yourselves this is not the right verse.

Sorry I'm looking at that and going that's not the right verse. The verse in Malachi. Oh no it is he does not. Well in the beginning part he does not love his wife but divorces her. I was thinking that this was maybe it's a translation issue for the Lord God of Israel says he hates divorce and that's what your book says.

We'll have to check that that verse. But it may not be Malachi 2 .16 but in that context but the passage says for the Lord your God the God of Israel says he hates divorce. And that's your blank there he hates divorce.

Now there's issues that come up with divorce and remarriage and that becomes a sticky issue. And um I don't know that we we really have the proper time to deal with it. But if you are some people treat divorce as if it is a state where you're permanently in sin if you're remarried.

I don't think that's the case. I don't think divorce is you know a remarriage. Actually because think about a person get divorced and never remarry. I mean you know really the issue many people argue when they argue against divorce they're talking remarriage.

Okay God doesn't make an allowance for remarriage. At least that we know of in two situations. One where somebody goes off and commits adultery is unrepentant uh and maybe goes and marries that person and makes it a permanent situation where you can't reconcile with that person.

Or because of your faith in Christ they abandon you. They leave you because of the faith not because they just don't like you. And you make the excuse of that. Uh there are some people I know one person who granted this was someone that was in the LDS church and marriage is really important in their church because you don't get to the celestial kingdom without being married to someone that is also an LDS member.

And because you can't get married in the temple. So there's a whole bunch of stuff there but she actually denied the physical relationship with her husband so that he would go cheat on her once he cheated on her she felt justified in divorcing him because she had legal grounds to divorce him and therefore she can go and get married to someone else who is a Mormon.

I do know a Christian woman who has been I mean you talk about a saint. I know someone who has been living with a wife who has denied all relations with him even sometimes verbal relationship because she wants him to divorce her so she could feel justified in ending the relationship but she feels as a Christian she shouldn't be the one to do the divorce.

It's wacky but some people do some wacky things. So when you deal with divorcing your marriage there's a lot of things you gotta take into account when you examine this stuff. But what you have to do is realize that God does not like divorce.

And I would say that the person who seeks the divorce I think can never get remarried now. Someone says but my husband is beating me. Ok separate from him for your own protection. But that doesn't mean you can divorce him and remarry someone else.

Ok there are people who look for excuses to divorce somebody so that they can marry someone that they prefer. And I say that there's no. It's not always as clear cut as people try to make it and so we have to be careful when we counsel people.

And this is gonna come up when you're taking newer believers on and you're talking to them you're discipling them. These issues are gonna come up. What about divorce. What I was divorced before I became a Christian.

Can I remarry. And that's where you're gonna wanna talk with the pastor of your church and get counsel there. Ok there's differing views. I have my view but I argue that the person who got divorced who issued the divorce is not the victim.

I think the case for remarriage is made to the victim of adultery or abandonment. Ok now it's hard to figure out. Is that person really the victim. Ok. And that becomes the issue. So divorce can be a sticky issue.

You're gonna have to deal with it at some point and I encourage you to talk to your pastor and figure out the position of your church. Alright if you want to get our position if you need help with that you can contact us.

We'll be happy to help you work through some of what the scriptures say on that. So let's deal with the husband cause we like to start with husbands. So we're gonna deal with those. We look in the Christian home and the guidelines for the family.

Husbands: Love, Headship, Understanding, and Forgiveness

Let's deal with the husband. We know from Ephesians 5 that the husband is to love his wife. Love is your blank there husband is to love his wife. Husbands love your wives. As Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.

And so as we look at the husbands I know by the way Paul starts with the wives. We're gonna deal with the wives next. But the husbands are the head of the family. We're gonna start with them. And so notice what that said there guys you are to love your wife like Christ loved the church.

How did Christ love the church. He gave up his life for her. Right. I mean I know I've seen these guys. They're like my wife needs to submit to me. Do you love her. Like Christ loves the church. And actually I would say in the last verse of Ephesians 5 when it says and we may get this but when it says that you know the husband is to is to love his wife so that she would submit to him.

In other words guys if you want your wife to submit to you that's your responsibility. That's right. Not your responsibility to demand it. It is your responsibility to so love her that she's gonna want to obey you.

I was in a bible study once and we're dealing with we're going through Ephesians and we got the issue of women's submission and a bunch of women were discussing how they didn't think that this view of submission was was really good and you know it's kind of outdated.

Yada yada. And they turned to my wife mistake and said don't you think that you should have a right to a right of saying on things. And you really think you should submit to Andrew. And my wife said if your husband was to so love you the way Christ loved the church you wouldn't have an issue submitting to him.

She says Andrew I can trust that he has my best interest at heart so I can easily submit to him because he's not doing things out of selfish desire but out of a desire for my good. And for that reason I can easily submit.

I was like wow really I don't think I do it for her best interest sometimes. But you know that's the point guys if you want your wife to submit to you then you should so love her like Christ loved the church that it would be a natural thing for her to submit to you that it would be a willingness on her part because she doesn't have to worry about it.

She can trust that you have a better judgment that you have her best interest in mind. Okay so what's the pattern. Well we say that the husband is to love his wife in that passage. But what's the pattern.

Well I've said it already just as Christ loved the church that's your blanks there just as Christ loved the church. It's a tall order. Guys trust me I would rather have to submit to another human being than to love another human being the way Christ loved the church much easier to submit.

Okay guys we have the harder task. So don't go beating your wife up saying she needs to submit to you if you're not acting in a way that's Christ like to her. Okay a husband. This is in verse 33. Now a husband is to love his wife as himself.

It says however let each one of you love his wife as himself and let the wife see that she respects her husband. And so what you see there is that we are to as a husband we are to love our wives as ourself.

In other words we have a natural from birth a sinful desire but we have a desire to love self. Okay we need to love our wives in a way as much as if not greater than ourselves. Okay and here we get into the controversy.

The third point a husband is to be the head of the household. That's your blank there the head of the household. In Ephesians 5 23. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church his body and is himself its savior.

So what you see there is that Christ is the head of the church and he says just as he's the head of the church husbands are to be the head of the family. This does not mean that the husband is the authoritarian in the home but is to be the example for the family of spiritual life ministry love honesty integrity giving and respect.

You get all those things. Guys you want to have a godly wife. You be the head of the household. Not one that pounds your fist and demands it but the one who is so loving that you are a spiritual leader in the areas of spiritual maturity in your home.

He is the one responsible before god for the decision making and the directions of the family. You husband are the one that god's gonna call on for the accountability for the decisions of your family.

Okay. And so you're gonna have to be accountable to god for those things. And that's what the headship means. It's a federal headship that we have ultimately throughout. But our family is going to be in a way accountable to us as husbands as fathers.

Okay to those who are within our home for the decision making that we make a husband is to dwell with his wife with understanding. That's your blank there understanding to give honor. That's your next blank to give honor to his wife and to consider her as heirs together with the grace of life.

That's basically quoting 2nd Peter 3 7. But by the same word the heavens and earth that now exist are stored up. That's not the right one. Maybe I meant 1st Peter. Sorry 1st Peter I gave you the wrong one.

Okay. That's 1st Peter 3 7. So we'll correct that for those of you who have an older book we'll correct that. Likewise husbands live with your wives in all understanding in an understanding way showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel since they are heirs with you of the grace of life so that your prayers notice that that your prayers may not be hindered.

Husbands if you are not in a right state with your wife your prayers can actually be hindered. Did you know that. And so what that's saying is we gotta be understanding. So it's not you know one of the things is we don't.

We may make final decision. But we shouldn't do it without taking wisdom from our wife. Godly women are gonna have good advice. And sometimes men we have blind spots that they don't and they can see the blind spots we have.

And so sometimes we need to rely on our wives to give us good counsel. Take that into account in making decisions. And we do that in honor. If a husband does not fulfill his responsibility does god hear his prayers according to that verse that we read.

No. Okay. No. God may not listen to your prayers. Husbands if you're not dealing with your wife with wisdom a husband is not to be bitter toward his wife bitter toward his wife. Husbands love your wives and do not be bitter with them or harsh toward them.

So we should not be bitter. That's your blank there bitter toward our wives. That becomes a thing where in a family structure you see bitterness. Because when you're living together people hold on to grudges.

Bitterness can be solved with forgiveness. But where there is a lack of forgiveness bitterness may dwell. And so you need to be mindful of that. Because when you're living with someone for many many years bitterness can seep in.

Be a forgiving man be a man that's marked by forgiveness asking forgiveness as well as giving forgiveness. Alright so that's the husbands. Now let's move on to the wife. The wife. Alright. So now in this passage in this in this area we have God made the wife as a helper for man.

We see that even in the first book of Genesis Genesis 2 18 then the Lord God said it is not good that man should be alone. I will make him a helper fit for him. So the first blank there is that God made the wife as a helper.

She should be a helper to the man. So she's there as a counterpart. She's there to to help and assist the husbands. 1st Corinthians 11 also speaks of this and it says here. Neither was man created for woman but woman for man.

So the woman was created according to this to be a helper to help the man. That doesn't mean that the woman is less human or less of a person. It just means that God in his wisdom structured the family to have this order where the man is the head the woman underneath is a helper.

That doesn't mean men shouldn't help the wives. But it does mean that this is the order that God instituted. You may not like it I may not like it. We don't get to rule. God does. Alright now we've mentioned this already.

But the wife is to submit herself to her own husband. So your blank there is submit. Ephesians 5 .22 wives submit to your own husbands in the Lord. Okay. So women are to submit themselves to their own husbands not to someone else's husband.

They are not accountable to someone else's husband. This is a thing that separates you know Christianity. It's not like Islam where all women are in submission to all men. Okay. And that women have no right.

And then a woman has to obey any man. Okay. And there are more submission to their own husband. But any man can tell them what to do. That's not what it is not like slavery in that sense. Alright a woman's to submit herself to her own man.

Now submission is kind of misconceived. Nowadays submission is a military word in the Greek. And that's the idea of it is that you submit to yourself to a higher chain of command. Now a corporal is not less of a human being than a major in the army.

It just means they have different functions and different responsibilities. And in their different functions and responsibilities they have a different structure of order. So a major can tell a private or corporal what to do.

But you know what they usually don't. They usually go through the sergeant and the sergeant will tell the corporal. Okay. But there is a command structure. And the same is true in the family. That's the way God has done it so that there would be decency and order within the family.

Um Ephesians 524 says now as the church submits to Christ so also our wives should submit in everything to their husbands. So this submission is to be done in everything. That's your blank there everything now before you get too hung up on this just go back.

I don't think we have it but Ephesians 521 says all of us as Christians should be submitting to one another. Okay. So put it in its context of this whole idea of submission. Um also uh the only exception is when you must obey God rather than man.

When you obey God rather than man. That's your blanks there. Now if a husband is an unbelieving husband he's demanding his wife to do something that violates scripture. You obey God rather than man. We see this in Acts 5.

Peter and the apostles said we must obey God rather than man. So the men were saying stop preaching the gospel. And Peter said hey should we obey you or God. We obey God rather than man. And the same would be for the wife.

The wife should not um engage in things that are sinful. Uh even if her husband is demanding it. Now it gets into issues here. But um I remember having to counsel someone who a Christian woman whose unsaved husband wanted to engage in swinging.

If you don't know what it is that's fine. That's probably good. I didn't know what it was before this either uh. But it's where couples switch partners and have relations that should only be within a marriage.

And this woman came to me struggling because she's being told she must submit to her husband. Her husband knew that verse pretty well and he wanted her to engage in this activity that she knew was wrong and and she was felt like she's supposed to submit to her husband even though she felt that it would violate her as a Christian.

And I said you don't do it. Okay. You don't violate God's law to submit to your husband. Okay. You do not. Uh you submit yourself to God first. Okay. You may obey God rather than man. Okay.