Whitten Q & A - I do not have any Christian friends, how do I be okay with that situation?

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Well welcome, I'm Jeff Shipley and this is Mercedes Watkins and we are doing a week of Q &A that Josiah Shipley has gotten from random people through Facebook and he gave us one and so we're going to dive into it.

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And so basically the question goes, if I'm alone Monday through Saturday and I don't really have any

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Christian friends, how do I remain happy, how do I be ok with that situation?

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And so we have a few points, a few verses and just a few tips from life lessons that we've learned to try to help whoever this person is,

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I hope they watch it or other people who are going through something similar and if you're not, you might still be able to learn something through this, we hope that and we pray that.

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So if you want to go ahead and get us started with our first idea. Yeah, so you should always, as a

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Christian, strive to be with your fellow believers as much as you possibly can.

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Being with like -minded people will help keep you in the line that you need to be with, in the direction that you need to go.

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You know, they help hold you accountable, that's a big thing in the building.

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I don't know where I would be without my Capability Brothers, you know, it's like far, far away past the power line.

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But yeah, I don't even know, I don't even know what type of person or man

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I would be without a church family, you know what I mean, think about, I mean, you joined recently, so I mean, but you came from another church, but just how much it changes you when you meet a whole bunch of people.

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And when I'm not around y 'all, like it's, you know, my work schedule's changed, so I went through it from a

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Thursday, Friday, Saturday work schedule to a Monday through Friday. So I don't have that many days off to be up at the church hanging out and it's just really weird, it's weird not being around all my friends and my family.

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Yeah, I wouldn't do that because I used to be homeschooled, I wouldn't be up at the church, you know, six days a week, always up there as much as my dad was.

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Then I went to high school, I was only up there on Monday, on Sunday mornings and Wednesday nights.

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It was a big change for me because I missed all my family and it took a lot of, it took a lot of adaptation to get used to that, but I'll be talking about that transitioning through high school in just a little bit.

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But also, talking about striving to be with brothers, you have to remember

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Hebrews 10 25, it says, do not forsake the assembly of yourselves as is in some manner of some, but, you know, to exhort one another instead, don't forsake and don't miss the fellowship of those brothers, but when you come, come exhorting and encouraging one another.

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Exactly, you know, it's exactly what John says, that's how people will know that we're Christians is based on our love.

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But it's also, this question, it's curious because I have found it true that at the

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University of Memphis, the school I went to, at jobs I've worked, I've been able to find a

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Christian. Usually I can find someone who's a Christian and can be that other light in that place and you can reflect each other's light off of each other and shine brighter together.

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You know, it's like if you're a light in a mirror, so you have your own light and you're reflecting your brothers and y 'all can shine off of each other and y 'all can be brighter together and be much more of an example.

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You have two headlights in the car and one goes out, you don't have near as much light. Exactly. Both of them work and you've got, the ground's clear.

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Exactly, and that kind of moves on to our next point of finding that other

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Christian, that other Christian, because I'll be honest, if you aren't a good friend, and it might take work and self -examining to know, but if you're not a good friend and I'm another

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Christian, I don't want to be associated with you. If I feel like associating you will hurt my testimony, why would

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I want to be with you? So you also have to look in the mirror and think. You have to be the friend that you want to find.

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Exactly, you have to be the person that that other Christian wants to find out, just like you want, because there are people, there are so many people that are

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Christians who feel lonely, so many, because you are constantly surrounded by people who are so different than you, but you are not alone, no matter where you are, no matter where you are, you can find another

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Christian. For this, you can kind of think of James 119, and that everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger, and you want to build that rapport so when people think of you, they think of Christian who is wise, who is mature, because that is the definition of maturity, knowing how to handle a situation, knowing how to handle that self -control of your anger, that is a huge part of maturity.

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I mean, of course, there's discernment and stuff, but yeah, self -control is a huge part of maturity, and so when people see you, if they're a

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Christian, they will want to be with you because of that maturity. If they're not a Christian, and they see that you are slow to anger, and quick to listen, and slow to speak, and they know that you're a

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Christian, they go, oh, that's what it's supposed to look like. Maybe they've had a bad run in, and they just don't want anything else to do with it, but you might be able to break that cycle for them.

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And perfect segue, you can be friends with that person, even if they're not a Christian.

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You can definitely be a friend with someone, even if they're not a Christian. I mean, it says not to be a friend of someone who has anger issues.

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Proverbs 22, 24, and 25, don't make friends with an angry man, and don't be a companion with a hot -tempered man, or you will learn his ways and entangle yourself in a scenario.

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So you cannot be friends with people who are awful examples, who are losers.

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If you're going to make a friend, Christian or not Christian, they need to be at least a good -standing person.

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I mean, because if you go down with fleas, I mean, if you go down with dogs, you don't come up with fleas.

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So you can be friends with non -Christians. I have a couple really good friends who are non -Christians, but that friendship is only going to go so far.

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Exactly, exactly. I want to go to them and go, hey, I need advice for this, because they're not going to give me the advice that a

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Christian would give me, because a Christian, a true Christian, a true believer would give me advice that comes from a working

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God. Exactly. And through my entire life, I've had non -Christian friends, especially in high school.

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In high school, I had a lot of friends, and a lot of people who knew me. I was a popular guy in high school, but at the end of the day, all of my best friends in high school were

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Christians, all of them, all of them. I mean,

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I was cool with other people who were not Christians, but it was just different. Being friends with a

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Christian can go so much deeper and so much more rewarding because of that connection that you'll have through Jesus and your trusting of their advice, because if they're mature, like you should be, and they should be, then their advice you can take to heart and with value, because you know it's from the

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Bible. And in order to do that, you have to know the Bible. You have to know

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God's Word. You have to be in it in order to help out that brother that you want. And they can give you a reference.

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Always just go double check it. Just like people should. Always. You know, we... That's true of pastors. Yeah, of everybody.

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Anybody that quotes scriptures, always go back and look. But I mean, you also have to remember that through seasons of my life,

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I have had many friends and I've had a few. Certain friends over certain times or a certain purpose at that time, and then after that purpose is done, it's okay.

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Like, it's fine. Yeah, it's okay. Just people... When people grow, just like roots of a plant, they start off really close.

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This one might go here, this one might go here. It doesn't mean that, you know, oh, it's just y 'all grew apart.

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And that's normal. People do not grow at the same rate in the same direction. And if they're not saved, that should be the case, you know.

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Yeah, I mean, y 'all can be friends physically because y 'all go to school together. Y 'all can hang out and stuff. But there has to be a limit.

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You have to be intelligent and wise on how you hang out with non -Christians.

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Because they will judge you and they will be watching you. And if you are not careful, as it says, you will learn his ways.

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So you have to be mature and discern and not hang out too much.

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Or you might get led astray. You always do need... So just for that person who's struggling with feeling lonely, like you don't have

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Christian friends, I would seriously, seriously remind you that there are probably

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Christians exactly where they are. And A, exactly.

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People... That's what people... See, I'm an introvert and an extrovert. I really am a hybrid.

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It depends on the day for me. But people want friends. I mean, the most introverted people.

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Yeah, we want friends. You want friends. So believe me, other people are in the same boat.

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They really are. So if you offer, they will most likely accept.

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Because people want friends. It feels good to have friends. So look for them.

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Find them. But first, you have to be that person. And you need to make sure they are that person.

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That's going to be a good friend. Well, first come, first serve spirit. Absolutely. Relations 5, if you need it.

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520. And continue to the end of the chapter in 23. Read the whole thing if you need to know what the fruits of the spirit are.

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You have to understand, though. Not having friends is not okay.

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Being alone in this life is not okay. You cannot live alone.

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I mean, even Paul had constantly people alongside him in his ministry.

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Or he would get sidetracked. You get discouraged, even with those people. You need... He constantly would say, you know,

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Timothy came to me from you. And I took great joy and pleasure hearing the good report from you.

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It encouraged me to keep on going. Living your life alone allows your mind to just kind of wander.

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You know, it goes to places it shouldn't go. You need that. You need companionship.

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We were created to have companionship. Adam, God saw that he was lonely.

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He was lonely. He needed Eve. And Ecclesiastes 4 .10. For if either falls, his companion can lift him up.

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But pity on the one who falls without another to lift him up. This goes right alongside,

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I believe, Proverbs 27 .17. As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.

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If you don't have an accountability partner, you don't have someone walking alongside of you, you will be dull.

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You will not be a good tool. Whatever this iron is trying to sharpen, it won't be a good weapon. And when you fall, you will fall hard.

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And it will be very hard for you to get back up. Job had this problem.

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When Job's life hit the fan, he had friends come to them.

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And they did not offer the best advice. They're like, you should just curse God. He obviously forgot about you.

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And those are the crappy friends we're talking about that you need to avoid. But it took a young person, someone much younger than Job, who just sat him straight.

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Was like, no, look, this is the truth. You need to listen to this. And you need to listen to me. I'm a good friend trying to help you.

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And so you need to be looking for those people who will help you and tell you the truth.

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Because Job did not want to hear what he had to say. So you need a good friend who is willing to tell you the truth.

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I don't think it can be, I mean, a friend that lies to you isn't really a friend.

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No. At all. At all. Because they're not looking out for you. They're looking out for themselves or anybody else involved.

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You know, they're not trying to help you. But a friend that speaks truth and does so in a loving manner because they don't want you to fall.

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They want to see you succeed. That's what a friend should be. I should have pointed out in the beginning, we should define the term friend.

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Because that gets thrown around a lot. I misuse the word friend so much. There is acquaintances and there are friends and then there are brothers.

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I have a lot of acquaintances. And I'm willing to let them know and let them a part of this much of my life.

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There is a section of my life that each acquaintance is in. You know,

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I have my school friends who I hang out in school with. They don't really know my life outside of it.

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They know I'm a Christian, all that. But in terms of advice and all that stuff, it's not really about school. I don't really ask them.

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I save that for my brothers, my accountability brothers. I have eight of them. And those are the people who

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I lean on to the most crucial advice.

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The advice I need, the counsel I need, I get every week from those brothers. And then

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I have my friends who are in the middle who are people I'm trying to get to become brothers. I'm trying to work with them.

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And that's the people, I have a few of them. That's a smaller group in my world. A few of them who

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I am, we are working with each other to be in this level of trust.

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But that takes time. You do not get brothers overnight. Because, I mean, I was on a football team and we constantly called each other brothers.

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But right when senior year ended, done. I mean, we were brothers in the physical world.

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You know, we blood, sweat, and tears on hot fields all the time.

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But even that limit, even that limit, if there's not that Christ bond.

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Out of all the friends that you had throughout school, how many do you have left that you would consider an actual true friend?

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One. And that's because he goes to our church. Except for my actual brother, Jeremiah, who also went to school with me.

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But that's kind of true. He wasn't really a school friend that grew in. He was my friend way before that.

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I've got one, one best friend. I've got a couple really good friends that I've known since like, you know, one, since seventh grade.

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But I have one friend who is definitely a Christian. And we've been friends for,

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I think she says like 13, 14 years, something like that. And she has been by my side through big and thin.

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No matter what. In the lowest of my lows, all my other friends bailed and would get mad and everything else and leave.

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She'd be the only one that would stick by. And that, that is, that's the friend

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I'm looking for because I'm also that kind of a friend. Perfect. That's exactly what I'm saying. I'm also that kind of a friend.

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Because that's something else that people should realize. You only need a couple friends. One friend was a prize.

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If you are a good friend to them and they're a good friend to you, one friend was a prize. Well, I think that's such a modern circle because of whatever reason.

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First of all, it's kind of selfish. In my opinion,

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I think it's kind of selfish because you cannot give, you can't give what you should give in that friendship because you've given out so many other little pieces.

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I mean, especially like in high school, right? So, you know, you have a close knit, like that accountability.

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You've got that small circle. I mean, at church, you know, we've got every, we're all friends at church, you know,

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I mean, but you do gravitate more towards that certain few, you know, because they're the ones, but having such a large circle isn't always, it's not always the best idea.

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Yeah, I wouldn't do it against it because yeah, it's tough to get that close with so many people.

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It's impossible. Yeah, but yeah, so we have that one, you should be looking for that brother in Christ.

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Two, you should be that friend you want. Three, you can be friends with non -Christians, but there's a limit and set of rules that must be followed in terms of trying to get wisdom and advice from them.

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And there needs to be some wisdom and discernment in you before that really starts.

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And don't be friends with losers. Like, it doesn't matter, especially if they claim to be a

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Christian and are not. If they're not a Christian, but claim it, the

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Bible says to avoid them. Avoid them. If they say they're a

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Christian and you do not put seed fruit to the spirit, you should not be seen as a friend of that person because that will give your testimony a big

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F to everyone's eyes. Everyone's eyes. They will see you all as the same and your testimony will be as bad as theirs.

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100%. 100%. Exactly, exactly.

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But I hope and pray that this helps people, especially whoever sent this in who may be struggling with this.

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Find peace in the fact that you have family on Sunday. Find peace and find that brother and sister or sister in Christ, wherever you may be, wherever you may be, there will be a

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Christian there. You can find them. Do you have anything to add?

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Other than, you know, if you're only seeing your church family on Sundays or Sundays and Wednesdays or service times, reach out to them outside of that.

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Facebook, Messenger, Snapchat, whatever it is.

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Text them, call them, reach out and just try to hang out with them. You know, it doesn't have to go,

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I don't know, go shopping, go do whatever. Just go out, go have fun, go, you know, go hang out with them, get to know them, spend time together.

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And that'll help if you feel lonely throughout that Monday through Saturday, you know, that will help ease that.

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And that'll also help you see, okay, this is the kind of friend that I should be looking for, you know.

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I think the only other thing I could add is, and I meant to say this a little bit ago, especially if you are of a younger age, pick a friend that's the same gender.

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Yeah. Your best friend should be someone of the same gender. Yeah. It just, it makes things clearer, it makes things easier, less confusion.

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I had to have in high school, very awkward, very awkward. I had a really good friend and it was just awkward because it kind of was like, okay, okay, okay, hold on, hold on, hold on, let's backtrack.

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But it's tough to backtrack. So you gotta... Learn to get word a little bit. Exactly. You have to, it's just so much easier if you're all the same gender.

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Also, six understand six better. Yeah, go through several things. Yeah. Oh, just get along with the other gender better.

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There's a reason for that. So it might be one you want to look into. But yeah, like I said,