TLP 69: What’s a Peaceful Parent? | Peaceful Parenting, Part 1

What we're gonna find out is that peace is a conditional reality. There are things we have to do and be before we can expect to possess that peace that passes all understanding.

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To truth, love, parent, where we use God's Word to become intentional premeditated parents. Here's your host, A .M. Brewster.

Hopes for Season Three and the Need for Peace in Parenting

Welcome to season three. It is so great to have you here with us. I pray this study will help you achieve something that's missing from the majority of families in the world. Wouldn't it be amazing to reduce the anxiety and anger and depression and worry and doubt you experience from being a parent?

I mean, can you really imagine what it would be like to have real peace in your parenting? Even in the face of a terrorist child? By the way, if you think you may have a terrorist living in your home or you're not sure what to do with the terrorist you know you have, check out episode 37.

Peace seems to be much longed for yet seldom achieved in this world, especially in a house ravaged by disobedience and rebellion. No doubt many of you have a favorite scripture passage you turn to in times of family strife.

There are so many scriptures that deal directly with peace and countless more that bear such wonderful tidings Christians can't help but let the truths wash over their souls with a peaceful contented froth.

So if it's nearly impossible to pick a Bible without facing truths designed to deliver peace why do so many Christian parents struggle with doubt, anxiety, stress, distress, fear, anger, and depression when it comes to their parenting?

I know what this is like. There have been times in my parenting and ministry. I've limped through discontentment and despondency. I hated my situation. I couldn't believe the hand I was dealt really came from God.

Thankfully, instead of running from God, I ran to the scriptures for my answers. My joy, my ultimate peace was found in a thorough study of the book of Philippians. To this day, Philippians 4, 4 through 9 is one of my favorite passages.

And over the next couple shows I'm gonna do a series on how you, mom and dad, can have genuine peace in the middle of your parenting. It doesn't matter if your kids are hard, rocky, thorny, or soft-hearted.

And if you're not certain which one they are, you can listen to episode 55. And it doesn't matter if you have a terrorist living under your roof. And it doesn't matter if you're in the evangelism parent phase or the discipling parent phase.

I want to apply this beautiful doctrine of divine peace to our daily parenting regardless of where you are today. We're gonna learn together from God himself what peace is and how we can achieve this elusive virtue in our homes and with our children.

I hope it'll be a study of supreme joy to every Christian parent. So let's go ahead and delve into our study starting in Philippians 4, 4 through 9. The first thing we need to do is determine what peace actually is.

Peace Is Not the Absence of Conflict or a Mere Feeling

Let me start by saying that when I discuss peaceful parenting, I'm not talking about parents who refuse to biblically correct or discipline their children. We're going to discuss that topic much more in the future.

But for now, let's just say that a parent who doesn't give biblical consequences to their children is not obeying God. Second, peaceful parenting is not different than ambassador parenting. It's just another facet.

The ambassador parent we discussed in episode 27 will be a peaceful parent. It's not something else we have to become. It's simply a part of the parenting style God's called us to embrace. That means if we don't have peace in our parenting, we're not glorifying God the way we should and that needs to change.

How can I say that? Well, let's remember that we've all been commanded to be at peace, and that peace is empowered by the Holy Spirit himself. Galatians 5, 22 through 25 says,. And it goes on with a number of other things listed there.

And it says,. Now, those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit. It's something that we have to do.

But again, just because we're commanded to have it doesn't make it easy to do. In fact, even though the word peace is fairly easy to understand in English, you'd be surprised to find out how many Christians don't truly understand what it is.

It's kind of like the word lasciviousness. I believe many Christians commit the sin of lasciviousness in part because they never bothered to figure out what it really was. Let's not make that same mistake with peaceful parenting.

One way to discern what peaceful parenting is is to figure out what it's not. First of all, peace, as used in Philippians 4, does not refer to a lack of conflict. If you look up the word peace in the American Heritage College Dictionary, the first four definitions deal with the dichotomy of war and peace.

For example, the first definition says that peace is the absence of war or other hostilities. The fourth definition maintains that peace is public security and order. It's true that, more often than not, the Bible uses peace to refer to a lack of war.

But in Galatians 5 .22, Philippians 4, and Isaiah 26 .3, the lack of war or conflict is not the appropriate definition. You can even have peace if there's a child in your home who's creating conflict at every turn.

How do we know that? Well, a child of God possesses the ability to be at peace even in the middle of war. David is a perfect example of a man who frequently found himself in wartime scenarios, neither asked God for peace in the middle of the trial or wrote about the peace he had already experienced.

That means that you can be at peace in your parenting even when we have a terrorist child trying to manipulate you through fear or literally trying to hurt you physically. But secondly, peace is not a feeling.

The belief that peace is an emotion lies at the root of many misunderstandings concerning God's will for our lives. As you know, if you've been listening to this show for any length of time, today's society is emotion-soaked.

Disney tells us to follow our hearts, psychologists speak of emotional disorders, and the media encourages us to amass stock in the feelings market, you know, lest we bruise our self-esteem or something.

Though emotions are wonderful gifts of God, we as Christians must realize that they are neither formative nor trustworthy. And we discussed this quite a bit in episodes 32 through 34. I truly wish I could take more time to go back over the doctrine of Christian emotions right now, but we just don't have time.

Still, there are two cogent points to be made concerning the relationship between peace and feelings. Number one, remember, emotions are untrustworthy. In Jeremiah 17, 9, we're told that the heart is more deceitful than all else and is desperately sick.

Who can understand it? How many times do our feelings rise and fall like an out-of-control roller coaster? I don't know about you, but I occasionally don't feel like a Christian. What if my reality were tied to my capricious feelings?

That's a horrific thought. If my peace as a parent were tied to how I felt at any given moment, there'd be no way I could be at peace for any significant time unless, I don't know, if I were a Vulcan, and I'm not.

And number two, decisions are to be made with our reasoning minds, not our emotional hearts. Proverbs 28, 26 tells us, he who trusts in his own heart is a fool. But he who walks wisely will be delivered.

Plans should be made and costs counted using wisdom, which is skill in living. That skill comes from rightly applying God's truth to our choices. It requires knowing, understanding, and ever minding God's word as we make decisions.

Emotional choices are made by fools. So, since we're using analogies, I happen to like this one. Feelings are like a fuel gauge. When the gas in your car is gone, your car stops running. The fuel gauge is not the reason your car doesn't run.

It's just there to warn you that there's a problem. Our emotions were designed to confirm for us and warn us about what's happening in our own spirit, but they are in no way seminal to the issue. So, to sum it up, God is not commanding us to possess a peaceful feeling.

Sometimes, in times of family distress, it might be very difficult to work up positive emotions. Sure, there are many wonderful feelings that accompany biblical peace, but I don't always have to feel peaceful to have peace.

Peace Is Not a Divine Stamp of Approval

Third, peace is not a divine stamp of approval. This point ties in with the latter. Oftentimes, in decision making, we search for some ethereal feeling of peace from God to validate our choices. Should I send my child to the school?

Should our family move? God, please give me peace so I know your will. The problem with this kind of thinking is twofold. First, God does not give us extra biblical revelation. The Bible is complete. The canon is closed.

God is not in the habit of sending angelic post-it notes with special messages designed exclusively for me and my family. If I want to know what God says, all I have to do is turn to His word. I cannot depend on how I feel to discern God's will.

Though good feelings often accompany right choices, how many times do those same good feelings partner with awful choices? I cannot enumerate the number of decisions I made that were hurtful to my relationship with God, and all the while I felt quote-unquote good about my course of action.

Secondly, consider Moses. Moses stood before a burning bush that was not being consumed. God manifested Himself through the bush, and the ground around the bush was so holy that Moses needed to remove his shoes.

Then God's own voice emanated from the bush and commanded Moses to go to Egypt and free Israel. But what was Moses' response to the simple, obvious command from God? Here's my interpretation of his words.

Lord, I just don't have peace about that. God gave Moses a clear command, yet Moses was quote-unquote not at peace with God's will. But now consider David. In the midst of troubling years, being hunted by his king and later by his son, we read that David often experienced the peace of God.

Defining Peace as Soul Rest and Inner Contentment

All right, Aaron. Okay, fine. I get it. But what is peace, and how can I have it in my parenting? Well, in all biblical honesty, I can't really tell you. You see, peace is very difficult to define. Now, in my defense, I turn you back to Philippians 4 -7.

Paul tells us that genuine peace from God surpasses all comprehension. It cannot be communicated in its entirety. This is both a sad reality and yet a wonderful promise, which we will deal with in great detail later.

The difficulty we face in defining peace is that it's not a feeling or an action. It's not a thought or a word. Peace is a state of being. It's a reality that exists in our minds. Dr. Mark Minnick, pastor of Mount Calvary Baptist Church in Greenville, South Carolina, defines peace as soul rest.

It's pretty easy to describe emotions, actions, and thought patterns, but it's not so simple to define a state of being. That's why Dr. Minnick's explanation is so helpful. Now, the fifth definition in the American Heritage College Dictionary is also helpful.

It describes peace as inner contentment, serenity, a state of tranquility. Think about those words. Serenity, tranquility, and rest. Can you imagine using those words to describe your parenting? To truly have the peace of God in your parenting, and you can have it, is to experience a state of being that defies comprehension.

It can be accompanied by wonderful feelings, or it can sustain us when our feelings are in chaos. It's a knowledge. It's an understanding. It's a plane of living, and that is what we're commanded to have.

Next Steps for Pursuing Peace in Parenting

So, how do you get this peace? What must you do to achieve this state of being in your homes? Well, that's what we're going to address next time. I hope you'll join us. It will be an amazing study. Until then, though, I would encourage you to check out today's episode notes at truthloveparent .com.

I've linked them for you in the description. And I want to thank one of our patrons for today's show. Her name is Kara, and like you, she's a parent who experiences the same difficult situations at home that you and I do.

But the same peace God promises her, you and I can have, too. I encourage you to subscribe to our show on iTunes or your favorite podcast player, so you'll never miss an episode, especially this next one.

And you can feel free to email us at counselor at truthloveparent .com if you're having difficulty working through an issue in your home and you need some guidance. God wouldn't have commanded us to have peace if it were impossible to have.

What we're going to find is that peace is a conditional reality. There are things we have to be and do before we can expect to possess that peace that passes all understanding. I look forward to taking this journey with you.

See you next time.

Truth.

Love Parents is part of the Evermind Ministries family and is dedicated to helping you become an intentional premeditated parent. Join us next time as we search God's word for the truth your family needs today.