January 26th 2020 - Pastor Jeff Shipley - TEACHING HONOR

I promise you, mark them, they will be true. Each other is all y 'all going to have in the years to come market.

So how do we teach honor? How do we proliferate it? Number one thing that we need to do is we need to understand it from the perspective or the paradigm of God's word.

Second thing we need to do is understand this, men. You are ultimately responsible not for just teaching it, but for living it out.

Parents, it is your responsibility. It does not belong to the school system.

The pastors, the Sunday school teachers. You are the only experts and authorities on your children.

There is no one else under heaven that God has given that responsibility to you.

You can go find some 20 something year old PhD student who smoked a lot of weed and is a liberal hippie in college to tell you about the expertise they have on your child when they don't even know their names except on a form.

You are the authority. You are the expert. And it is you that shoulders the greatest responsibility of teaching your children what honor really is.

Let's look at this. How do you teach honor? I'm going to give just two points today. I'm going to give you how do you teach honor or learning honor in three stages.

And number two, honor is a parental responsibility. First of all,

I want to talk about learning honor in three stages. Now, this is Pastor Jeff's stuff.

So I'm not saying it's perfect or anything like that. But this is how I see it.

You learn honor in three stages. First of all, it's a little kid stage.

Now, you got to understand, I do not use age demographics of this world.

I don't listen to the National Association of Movies to decide which movie

I go see. Like last night, I went and saw 1917. And I mean, yeah,

I mean, yeah. Well, I'm not saying it.

Guys, it's it's awesome. Go spend ten bucks to go see it. But anyways, it was an honorable movie.

In other words, it was an idea of overcoming things and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But I don't look at the world's standards and then accept them as my own.

When I say child, I'm literally talking about a child. And sometimes that child can be 25 years old.

I look at it from the biblical concept of what strata have you gone through to matriculate unto the next age?

So don't think about this being a three or five year old, because there are some 15 year olds that still need level one.

There are some 40 year olds that still need level one. OK, but that first stage in learning honor is this.

It has to be enforced by boundaries. Now, when I say enforced,

I literally mean enforced. Now, some of you guys out here, you have different ways of upbringing your kids than I did.

And that's fine. I'm not the authority on it, but God's word is. And there is an overall systematic truth that happens in God's word that the parent is responsible for enforcing the reality of honor upon their kids.

Now, look at this first verse, verse two. It says this, do this, Deuteronomy chapter six, verse two,

Do this so that you may fear the Lord your God all the days of your life by keeping, listen, all of his statutes and commands

I am giving you, your son and your grandson, and so that you may have a long life.

One of the ways, ladies and gentlemen, that you learn to enforce boundaries is that you as a parent must always be willing and able to go one step further.

Now, children, listen to me. You are growing up in a culture, in a reality in which your rights and your parents' rights are equal.

Listen to me. You are not equal. I used to tell this to my kids.

You are not my equal. You never will be my equal until I die. I am always going to be this much wiser, this much more experienced, this much more ability.

I'm going to be always one step ahead of you. I have a couple of 25 year olds that I talk to and they're talking about, well, they're married now and they're college graduates, so they're adults.

And I look at them and I laugh at them openly because they can't balance a checkbook or they can't do anything because they haven't experienced life and they haven't had boundaries enforced to them because parents run to their help and run to their aid constantly.

You see, they didn't learn as children that there is a limit that can be reached in which repercussions will fall.

Guys, please understand that you have to teach your kids fear.

Little Ava, I watched a video, I'm sure Jimmy watched it too, of her walking around at the

SOG house. Rachel and Josiah were over cleaning up the gym over there and little

Ava was in the driveway over there. And she, don't you love it when they're about that age and they don't walk but they kind of waddle?

You know, the little fat legs are just, and she's just wandering around totally oblivious to the 2 ,000 pound cars that are running 45 miles an hour down this road.

Totally oblivious of the two dogs over the fence that will eat her alive.

Totally oblivious to the crime in Memphis, oblivious to it all. And unless she learns boundaries, she's going to get hurt and they have to be enforced.

How many of you taught your kids, hot, owie, stop,

I mean you have to continue doing that. And it's not drugs or stranger danger, it's enforcing the boundaries that there is no one, two, three, four.

What you just teach your kids when you count for them, you just taught them that there is places that in gray areas that they can go and still not face repercussions.

Do not touch that. Okay, I'm getting mad now. One, two, you're ruining that kid.

You are ruining that child. Brother Jeff, I don't agree with you. Well, then you're an idiot. Listen to me.

You wouldn't count if they were putting their hand in a gas stove. You would reasonably snatch it back because they could get hurt.

Understanding absolutes and boundaries, what you're doing is the danger is not there right now, so you're not focused on it.

But when they're 13 years old and they're not sitting around you, they still feel that they can outstretch those boundaries.

You have to enforce them. Then they matriculate into the second round. And once again, this is not age specific.

There are some 20 -year -olds in this building right here that still need to go back to stage one.

Okay, you've never reached stage two. But stage two is this. It's self -discipline.

Parents, the number one discipline you can teach your children is self -discipline.

Self -discipline. And I'm not talking about getting up and exercising at six o 'clock every morning. Because, well,

I only run three miles every morning now because I've gotten older. But I'm not talking about that.

Yeah, it did, Tim. It did. Thanks, brother. Y 'all are hurting my feelings.

Look at verse nine. Y 'all are triggering me. Verse nine. Watch this. Write them on the doorpost of your house and the gates of your house.

So, in other words, here's where we're going to start with the law. We're going from here.

And then we're going out. In other words, the boundaries now, what you do, parents, is you let go a little bit.

And you let them go out there, not just in the world, but even in your home. And start making decisions on your own.

I remember telling Gwen, the children will never have bedtimes. Never. You don't make them go to bed at nine o 'clock.

They can stay up to four o 'clock in the morning playing the game machines, the PS4s, right?

It's okay. But at 6 a .m., they're still getting up. And so what you do is you teach them the self -discipline of learning what it is to go to bed.

To place boundaries on themselves. Listen, it says this. Proverbs 22 .6.

It says this. Listen. Teach a youth about the way they should go. And when he is old, he will not depart from it.

That youth word there in the Hebrew actually means an older child. Come here. Your job teaching does not end when the kid starts going to school.

Parents, please. Love of God, listen to me. Parents try to reach the school age.

Mamas, you know what I'm talking about. They hit that school age because guess what you get to do at that point? Go get on the bus.

Go away. Bye -bye. Bye. Right? Because now you have someone else to teach your child.

Come here. The principal, the teachers, the school system, the government is not responsible for your child's education.

You are responsible. And you know how many parents, even in this room, I've heard this. Well, they're struggling in this because their teacher hates them.

Well, that may be true. That may be true because you didn't do step one.

And your kid's a brat. And your kid's spoiled. And your kid's lazy. Okay? Watch this.

If your child's failing, the child needs to make the change. Parents, please stop making excuses for your child's poor behavior.

You're not teaching them the self -discipline and the self -boundaries they need to have.

It's always an excuse. It's always someone else's fault. There is always another reason for failure other than that individual.

If you fail in life, there is one person's fault that is yours. Book it.

Well, no, Brother Jeff, you don't understand. I was abused as a kid. Well, somewhere about 80 % of the people in this room grow up.

Oh, but you don't understand my situation. I don't want to understand your situation. I don't care about your situation.

The reality is this is your life. These are the cards you were dealt. Man up. Trust in God.

Follow His rules and your life will be better. Or keep wallowing in your self -pity and create another generation just like you.

This is the point where you say amen. This is the point where your pens stop writing or you start going, this sounds like a good conservative talk radio show, and you start applying it in your life.

You know, some of the worst kids in the world are pastor's kids. Does anyone know a pastor whose kids have been drunk, drug addicts, philanderers?

Is that the right word? Philanderers? You know them. You know them. And here's what the pastors always say.

Well, we're all human. We're all human. So in other words, here's what my point is.

I get to stand on this pulpit, preach the word of God, but I don't have to live up to the standard that I'm preaching to you of.

That's how it works? Okay, well that's exactly what your kids are rebelling against. A lack of consistency in what they see you say and see you do was not a way to enforce self -boundaries.

If you don't got them, they ain't going to develop them. Hear what I'm saying to you? Last thing, mutual boundaries.

See, if you don't learn enforced boundaries, you're never going to learn self -boundaries.

And if you never learn self -boundaries, you're never going to learn mutual boundaries. Now, what's a mutual boundary?

It's this. I respect you, you respect me. I won't cuss you or lay my hands on you.

You ain't going to do the same to me. John Wayne. See, that's the problem with America today.

You ain't watching enough John Wayne. Bunch of godless, hate, commie, loving. Mutual respect.

Mutual respect. I'm going to be real blunt for a second.

I just felt a collective cringe. Some of you young ladies in here, you act like whores, but the reason you act like whores and you dress like whores, now you don't do it here, but I've seen you in other places, is because that is how you feel you're going to attract a young man.

Now, I'm going to let you in on a secret. You will. Okay? You will. You have pollen and pretty flower petals and the bees are going to go...

Pollen! It's going to be like a buck and rut. And dudes will do stupid things.

That's where watch this came from, okay? That and Anheuser -Busch. Now, there is...

There is a natural, good, normal place that that fits in, okay?

That fits in. But here's the problem. Ladies, if you don't have mutual respect, because you didn't learn self -boundaries or enforced boundaries, here's what you're going to come.

When you actually have a guy who was worthy to be your husband walk up to you, you and your brain are not going to be attracted because here's why.

You don't feel worthy enough to have someone like that. Have you ever wondered why some girls date and love bad guys?

I used to love chicks like that. Because... Now, listen, it's all...

Right. Because they were the easiest chicks in the world to get a kiss from, okay?

Because this is what you had to do. Baby, you're the only one who ever listens to me.

You're the only one who ever understands me. I love you and you alone.

And no one else will quite get... It's just... It's seriously, man. It's like Pickwick Dam.

You can just sit there and put the chum in the river and they're like... You reel them in all day long.

You know why? Because you see yourself as less than because you never learn the first two things.

Listen to me. You want your kids to be secure? Teach them boundaries.

It's like the same word, right? You hold a child up close and they're comfortable.

They feel safe. They feel secure because they have boundaries. But even if they're 20 years old and they have no boundaries, they still feel insecure.

Well, they're a grown adult. Yes, but they're really not. And the boundaries of spanking or putting them in their room are not the boundaries

I'm talking about. Ladies, these are the boundaries I'm talking about. When it says it is good for a man not to touch a woman, it ain't talking about...

Oh, Kayla. I'm not touching you. It ain't talking about that. It's talking about...

You know, you know. Like, hey, baby, what's up?

I don't want to put my moves down because I don't want to get any of y 'all, you know, all worked up. Because inevitably, the only ones that show up are

Jimmy and Marty. Like, hey, boss, I love you. You know, but anyways. Guys, you got to understand this.

Listen to me. You got to understand that if you follow the world's standards, if you lie down with dogs, you're going to come up with fleas, okay?

You're going to come up with fleas. And some of you have already been burned by this, but you refuse to learn the lesson.

Go ahead and go buy your double -wide trailer. Go ahead and put the bouffant hairdo and get the moo -moo dress with a cigarette hanging out of your mouth so when a tornado comes to your neighborhood, you can be that woman on TV that goes, sounds like a train come through.

15 kids and seven different husbands. Guys, but that's the only thing you can aspire to because that's the only thing you're worth because you don't have a mutual understanding of boundaries.

Don't touch that. Don't come near that. You want to date me? Show up at church

Sunday morning. Well, I can't. I got a job. Well, you can show up on Wednesday night.

Well, I'm tired. Well, then you can't date me. You can't date me. Brother Jeff, there ain't guys like that out there.

You know why? Because the demand is not out there anymore. You've lowered your standards so that the average schmuck who is ugly, pimple -faced and plays games in his mama's basement at 18 years old, that is the only thing that's out there because you women have quit demanding anything better because you don't understand the mutual boundary.

Next point, last one. Unfortunately, it's in three parts, so hang on. Sorry, guys.

Marty, stay calm. All right, listen.

Guys, honor is a parental check out the suspenders, guys. Honor is a parental responsibility in three ways.

Reflecting, respecting, and reinforcing. Number one, reflecting. Look at verse six.

Chapter six, verse six. Look what it says. These words that I'm giving you today are to be in your heart.

Parents, come here. Come here. In your heart, not from your mouth, not from, oh, you need to listen to that pastor or you need to look at this or you need to...

It's in your heart. In other words, you're living them out in front of your children. You are reflecting the image that God said you are to have because children will always rebel against hypocrisy.

You don't want people to come to church and you're like, oh, God bless you all. I love you. And then you go home and you sound like a sailor that hadn't been on leave in four years.

There's going to be some rebellion. Ladies and gentlemen, if you are going to teach honor to your children, it's got to be a reflection of what they see.

Now, guys, I'll tell you, I fail in that a lot. I do. You know why? Because I ain't perfect.

But here's what I've learned to do. When you jack up, you fess up. When you jack up, you fess up.

And that always isn't public and loud and all that. Sometimes it's private and intimate, but it's a first step of repentance.

Now, ladies and gentlemen, you're sitting here going, well, bro, Jeff, it's too late. I got a 15 -year -old daughter that's like the neighborhood bike, you know?

Why are y 'all saying ooh? Guys, that analogy is perfect.

Perfect. And I'm not even talking about just sex. How many boyfriends has your daughter had in the last three years?

Well, they're just... I mean, four or five, but they're just... Wow! Wow!

Wow! Here's another thing. Come here. If your 14 -year -old daughter is in love with a 14 -year -old boy, you have messed up.

Big time. Watch this. Well, he's a really good boy. Come here. If I take an 18 -year -old kid and put him in the pilot seat of a 737 and say, if you don't fly this right, we're all going to die.

What are the chances of us living? Zero. I have not met an 18 -year -old boy, 18, that is mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally equipped and ready to handle a wife or a girlfriend, much less a 14 -year -old boy.

Oh, brother Jeff, you're just being too hard. No, you're being that stupid. And you're setting your kids up for failure.

Well, I don't agree with you. Okay, you're just job security for me then. Because in three or four years, you're going to be bringing your kid to my office.

Oh, no, you probably will have too much pride for that. You'll go to another church. And we need to get them in a good youth program because that'll fix them.

Yeah, they're going to be the same kid that grows up and goes, well, my marriage is a shambles. I need to get back in the church.

Church don't fix the problem. Makes me want to just puke.

Let me say this about spankings. Now, listen. Sorry, guys. I feel like I can't breathe up here.

All right, listen. No, I'm good. I'm good. Listen. Listen to me. Listen.

Guns don't kill people. Okay? This is not a

Second Amendment rally. I'm just telling you, I know this might come as a shock to some of you liberals in here, but guns are not sentient creatures.

They don't have thoughts or feelings. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Now, come here. Spankings do not fix your child.

Come here. Watch this. Listen. Now, before some of y 'all start going, whoa, hey, man, you know, the liberals and the conservatives like going, oh, man, what's he talking about?

Come here. A gun is a tool. A spanking is a tool.

It is not the goal of discipline. I hear people all the time, kids act up in a gross story.

Well, they need a spanking. No, they need discipline and leadership is what they need. A spanking does not fix the problem.

It has to be consistent character, reinforced and reflected back to that child in a manner in which spanking just becomes a tool and not the go -to or the non -existent thing in your house.

It does not fix things. You fix things. You as the parent are the one who is supposed to implore different tools and different medium.

Listen, one of the things I used to make my kids do, I mean, I tore my kid's butt up. There ain't no doubt. But you ask my boys what they would rather do.

Run the stairs for an hour and a half or get two licks. Josiah, which one would you take?

All day long. Dad, light me up, man. Right? When they were all little boys,

I gave them pocket knives. Yes, they were real sharp pocket knives. I'm sorry. And I said to them, this is the rule.

I'm talking about they were, how old are y 'all? Four, five, six, somewhere around there. And I told them, if you lose this pocket knife or if I find it and pick it up, what was it?

How many? Jeff, why do you know that number? Because, and they would sit there and they'd have to do a thousand push -ups.

And I, as a father, would come beside them and go, son, this hurts me a lot more than it hurts you.

And I want, you know, you know what I would do? I'd make fun of them. And usually by 200, they're crying.

It's not dripping from their nose. And I'd walk by and go, keep going faster, harder.

That one didn't count. And I'd jack with their brains. Now, you may think that's mean.

You see, the consequences were so terrible as a tool, not as a means to the end, that they don't want to get in trouble anymore.

Right? They fear God because they learn fear and boundaries from their parents.

You need to be a reflection of the reality of God's word in this world, rather than letting your kid figure it out on their own.

That's why our prisons are so full. Now I'm getting, I need to get going. Respecting. Guys, listen to this.

Respecting is something adults need to work on. Here's what respect is.

Some of you feel respect is an outward appearance. But it's not.

Respect has to start from the inside. I met with two homosexuals the other day.

They are both as queer as three dollar bills. I got more respect for them than I do some other people who call themselves

Christians. And it's not because they live loud and proud or any of that other garbage. It's because of this.

They wanted to know my opinion, God's opinion, and they wanted to know and debate on what was right and wrong.

Instead of getting mad and angry and calling me a homophobe, they wanted to sit down and learn.

Come here, parents. You have to reflect that which you teach, but you also have to respect things that are different.

My kids were so different. God, Josiah, I'd have to beat,

I'd have stacks of two by fours cracking three or four over his head at the same time. I'm serious.

I remember when Josiah, I told him that, son, you got to toughen up a little bit. He was like four or five.

And so he was outside at our house in Georgia. And I sat there and I looked outside and he was sitting out there doing this.

I'm like, what are you doing, son? I stepped in a fire, pal, but I'm not going to move.

God, he's so stupid. Guys, I had to teach him differently.

Whereas I looked at Jeff and I went like this. And Jeff would be like, and he would just melt.

Guys, one of the things I had to do was gain the respect, but I had to gain it in ways that were different one from the other.

And parents, listen to me. Here's one of the number one ways you can earn respect. That the same standard you hold them to is the same standard you're going to live by.

Same standard. And when you mess up, I had a rule. When I messed up in front of my kids, in front of their friends,

I got the friends back in the room and I apologized to my kids in front of their friends. Respect.

Guys, I have to respect them. They have to respect me and that respect is something that is earned by consistent, constant behavior rather than simply words out of your mouth.

And the last thing is this reinforcing. Look at verse 7. Repeat them. Watch this.

If you have a parent, have you ever said, how many times do I got to tell you, right? Guys, that's part of parenting.

They're stupid. And when boys hit puberty, their IQ levels dropped 237 points.

Unless you're from Mississippi, you're already there. Did she walk out?

Where's Nadine? All right. Anyways. Oh, hey,

Hannah. I love you. Your dad's kind of big, so now I'm scared. But guys, listen to me.

You have to reinforce it time and again. And guys, watch this. Sometimes they're in that third mutual respect stage and you still have to go back and reinforce it.

We all forget. Guys, that's what church is for. I know y 'all getting bored in ADD.

I'm almost done. Hang in there with me, OK? Pop another Xanax or whatever and just listen.

Guys, listen. I am 51 years old and I am a licensed, ordained senior pastor.

Don't matter, Jack. I still have to have people pull me aside and go,

Pastor, hey, you jacked this one up. Hey, son, you did this. I've had my son do it to me.

I've had you. I remember Jeremiah doing it once. Dad, maybe you're getting a little carried away. Guys, you.

That's what a church is for is to hold each other accountable. If you're one of those church people that said that my relationship with God is private and I don't need anybody in my business, you were the person who's living a lie and going to fail and fall.

You will. You will. Because you know what you just did? You went back to step one and go ain't nobody going to tell me what to do.

You're a loser and you're going to remain a loser. Second thing. Sit in your house and when you walk and when you lie down and when you get up, what is the appropriate time to teach your children?

If you are drawing breath, you are teaching your kids. If you are drawing breath, you are teaching.

I don't care if they're 25 or five. You as a parent. I'm 51 years old.

My dad was a godless heathen and to this day, I still wish I could hear him say I'm proud of you, son, because I never heard it.

I still want that, right? You as a parent still have that power with your child.

Use it. Let your kids aspire to understand and teach them all the time, not just when they're three.

Don't just potty train them and send them off somewhere else from the time until you die.

Because look at the time frame. It says I'm going to teach you, your son and your grandson.

For grandparents out there, your job is not done. You're not the authority anymore, but you are still a teacher of your children and grandchildren.

I'm moving on. This is the most important one. Verse eight. Bind them as a sign on your hand and let them be a symbol on your forehead.

Oh my gosh. Listen to me, guys. Listen, I'll just finish with this one. Listen to me.

Listen to me. It's talking. Have you ever seen conservative Jews? They have the little things on their forehead.

They have little boxes on their head and on their left arm. Those are called phylacteries. OK, what they did is they took

Deuteronomy chapter six and they read this and they went, oh, well, let's do it.

And so they wrote this out and stuck it in little boxes and tied them to their head or to their arm.

Look what the word symbol is actually in here. I won't get into that right now. You tore observant heathens, but I'll get into it some other time.

It's OK, man. It's OK to be a Pharisee. It worked out well for them. Listen to me. Listen to me.

Listen to me. If your head and hands ain't following what your heart and mouth are saying, you are a liar and the truth is not in you.

I cannot tell my kids, hey, I'm going to I believe in this, this, this, this in this and not live it out.

Guys, as part of that reflecting thing, it's more than just what you say or how you dress or any of that other stupid stuff

I hear church people talking about. It's how you actually live out your life.

Your kids will mark who you really are when you're at home, when there's no one else watching except them.

That contemptuous familiarity, that's the real you. That's the real you.

Today, I got a counseling appointment. After that, I'm going to the house. All this is coming off, right?

And I'm going to first Sunday in a while, there's no football, but I'm going to play

Red Dead 2. I'm going to eat. But you won't see me doing anything there that I wouldn't do sitting right here in front of all you.

You ain't going to see it. But unless, you know, I go on a date or something, you know, but other than that, there ain't nothing

I wouldn't do in front of you that I ain't doing at the house. Guys, please reflect, reflect.

Let your body follow what your heart and mind actually believes. All right. I'm going to ask the music peoples to come up.

I know this was teaching. I know this wasn't a sermon normally, but please listen.

Guys, this is so important. Everything we built here so far will come to naught if the next generation doesn't take up the torch.

And be better. Look, my generation, ask Paul, ask Marty. Our generation stunk as parents.

We stunk as church people. We get it. We fail, right? But this next generation doesn't have to be that way.

It doesn't have to be that way. Guys, you can be better, but you're going to have to go outside your comfort zones and actually learn the lessons of what honor really is and what

God commands us on how to reflect it. Now, if you're in this room and you think honor is walking down an aisle and ask

Jesus into your heart and you're a Christian, you're smoking too much crack. Okay? Being a

Christian doesn't mean you're in church. Being a Christian doesn't mean you prayed to Jesus like a little

Labrador puppy and tell Him to come jump in my heart. It means submitting and obeying and following the

Lord Jesus Christ. Not the little baby in the manger. Not your religious understanding.

Not your denominational positions or creeds, but in the reality, it's going to be reflected what

Jesus said. If you love Me, you will keep My commands. You want to know if you really love

Christ? Don't look at the offering plate box. Don't look at your church attendance sheet.

Are you obeying? If you're not, you need to ask yourself some serious questions.

Do I really need conversion? Truly be a Christian? Or do I need some accountability in my life?

Because obviously, I'm not doing good enough. Either way, this is the time to respond and receive it.

Not from me. I'm just one idiot showing other idiots where truth is. Not from me.

Not from an institution. Because this is a building. It's not the church. But from Jesus Christ.

I can only show you in Scripture where truth is. I can't give it to you myself. Maybe some of you need some prayer, some encouragement, whatever it is.

I'm going to ask the pastors and counselors to come up. And if God has spoken to you this morning, you come as you stand.